I felt as though my heart was about to pound out of my chest. I sat on the moss-eaten sofa, glancing at the clock every five seconds. I always feel like this, every
Friday, I wake up in the mornings and my heart sinks as I realise it’s today. I glance at the clock again, 10 o’clock, and the door bangs. I nearly jump out of my skin.
I shakily stood up as he swung the door open. My landlord’s eyes roamed my body, flicking up and down; he licked his lips in a way that made me shiver. I was wearing a pair of blue jeans with a white vest-top that said ‘Kat, I’m a Kitty Kat’; he grinned at me, as though he was taking in my fear.
“Bedroom,” he stated menacingly, “now.”
I gulped and stumbled into the bedroom. He followed me quickly and closed the door as soon as he entered; before I had the chance to react he pushed me onto the bed roughly. I gasped and looked up at him; he brought his lips to mine and forcefully entered my mouth.
I clamped my eyes shut. Wishing that this wasn’t happening wishing that his hand was not going underneath my top, and wishing that his other hand was not unzipping my jeans… I was wishing I hadn’t gotten myself into this.
It all started five weeks ago when my parents were killed. I loved everything about my life, my family, my school, my home. Then one event, just one thing changed it all and my world fell apart. I didn’t want to be put into care so I secretly live here on my own, it’s not exactly nice, but I can get through it. The only problem was, my rent was ‘pleasing’ my landlord. I couldn’t stop him; if I did he’d call Social Services on me.
He had finished now. I lay on the bed, curled up in a ball to protect my naked body. My blood and his semen had stained the bed sheets, I sobbed as everything ached. He went too far this time; I hadn’t felt so much pain in my life. He put his belt on and grinned at me again.
“I’ll be back for the rent next week,” when I didn’t reply he growled, “you got that?” I managed a slight whimper that resembled a ‘yes’.
He seemed content in his own twisted way and left. I began to shake as I continued to lie there; tears were streaming down my face. After ten minutes I couldn’t stand lying in that bed anymore, the smell of him was too unbearable. I got up and staggered to the bathroom, not bothering to cover my body up. There wasn’t really any need, it had already been abused, why should I try to cover it up?
I stepped in the shower and turned it on. I stood there as the water ran down my bruised body; I didn’t make any movements until the water had turned cold. I slumped down against the glass of the shower door; the faint tinge of red was still swirling down the plughole. The pain was not as bad as it was, but my body still ached. I looked at my cabinet and stood up.
Once I limped to the cabinet, I opened it. Inside was a small bottle full of morphine pills, my mother had given them to me in case of emergencies or something. I guess you could call this an emergency; I reached out to pick them up. I was not going to use them for the pain, but to end my life. Tears started to stream down my face, I couldn’t stand it anymore. I didn’t want to live in a world such as this.
Why should you end your life? You have done nothing wrong.
I froze at the sudden voice inside my head. Was that my own conscience telling me the reality of it all? When it didn’t appear again I shakily continued to reach for the bottle.
He should be the one to die. Don’t you agree? Wouldn’t you like to end his life yourself?
I froze once more, listening to the voice. It was right, whatever or whoever it was, was right. I did want to get payback for what the rapist has done, but how? How could I do anything? I can’t even defend myself…
Stop doubting yourself, you have everything you need. Remember, you nearly killed that girl. I’m sure with a weapon you can kill him.
I clenched my hands. I do have the weapons; a baseball bat is in my wardrobe. It has always been in there, just in case someone other than my landlord came in. I could do it; I could get rid of him once and for all. The more I thought about it the more I liked the idea, I smirked despite the pain I was still in.
“Okay,” I said out loud, feeling a little silly, “if I do kill him, what will happen? What will I do with the body?”
I stood there for a few minutes. I sighed when I got no reply, maybe I imagined it all?
I have thought about it, I nearly jumped out of my skin, after you kill him, clean up, do whatever you must. Then leave the apartment, come back after an hour.
I frowned, “How will leaving the body in my apartment help?”
Do as I say.
I sighed in defeat and nodded. After getting dressed and taking some painkillers, I put the stained bed sheets in the washing basket. I hadn’t any energy to wash them right now, nor did I want to sleep in that bed. After some thinking, I got my biggest dressing down and lay on the sofa pulling my makeshift blanket over me. I closed my eyes, surprised by how exhausted I was and drifted off into a dreamless sleep.
All week I had been waiting for Friday. Usually I would be dreading it, thankful for the time I had before it, but this week I was frustrated by how slow it had
become. I waited and waited, until the day had arrived.
I woke up early. Instead of feeling my heart sink, I felt it speed up with adrenalin. I jumped out of bed and got everything ready.
I brushed my hair and looked in the mirror. I frowned at myself, it was too long. I found a pair of scissors and started cutting it, after an hour of messing up and cutting it a centimetre shorter than intended, I was done. My black hair was now above my shoulders instead of being half way down my back.
Twelve or so hours later I was sitting on the sofa just like last week. Only this time I had a different feeling, my heart was racing for a different reason. I glanced at the clock, ten o’clock, I grinned as someone banged on the door. I stood up as my landlord swung the door open, he grinned at me and I stared at him. After a moment I looked away, pretending to be scared. I didn’t want him thinking anything was different even though it was.
Good work, Safaia. You’re doing well; you know what you have to do.
I hid a faint smirk before glancing at him. He was still grinning, looking at my body.
“You know what to do.” He said with a dark smirk and I nodded. I turned and walked towards the bedroom, he followed eagerly. God, he makes me sick.
That’s right, he makes you so sick. No one would miss someone like him; you’d been doing the world a favour.
I opened the bedroom door and quickly grabbed the baseball bat that was leaning against the wall. I turned and swung it, bringing it to my landlord’s face. I hear it make contact as blood spatters on the wall; I see my landlord fall to the ground. He’s still alive.
I brought the bat above my head. Glaring at him as he looked up at me, pleading for his life, I swung it down hitting him in the chest. He gasped as I felt ribs crack, I grin sadistically; feeling the rush of adrenalin fill my veins. I want to hurt him more, I want him to feel the pain I felt. I brought the bat down harder and harder on to his body, breaking bones and splattering blood.
After my mad rage of beatings I gasped for breath. I glared down at the broken body underneath me; I couldn’t tell if he was alive or dead. I didn’t care at that point; I threw the bat away and stormed to the kitchen to find the biggest knife I had. I found it and grabbed it, returning to the body.
I rolled him onto his back. I forced his arms down with my knees on either side, even though I knew he wasn’t going to get up I had to make sure. I raised the knife above my head and brought it down into his chest, I grinned more as the squelching sound was made and as blood splattered over me. I pulled the knife out and stabbed the body again, and again; over and over until I was bored. I stabbed him in the face just for good measure.
I stood up studying my work. It wasn’t complete, I needed to do more, and that’s when I realised what I could do. I grinned insanely; my sadistic nature was taking over as I made a long incision in the chest of the body. Putting the knife down beside me, I pulled his skin open and found his heart; I pulled it out splattering more blood. I was a little disappointed that the heart wasn’t beating; I threw the heart on the floor and stood up.
I looked in the mirror and saw a girl. Her clothes and skin were covered in blood, her hair was tangled and damp with drying blood, and her deep blue eyes were wide with bloodlust. It scared me that, that was me, no one else.
You have done well; you know what to do now.
I nodded, looking away from the mirror. “Are you…are you sure this is for the best?”
Yes, he is gone now. That was your intention all along, was it not?
“Yes,” I replied quietly, “it was…” I hurried to the bathroom and had a shower. I did my best to wash the blood off; I could still smell it all over me. I’d have to put a lot of perfume on to cover it.
Once I was sure that all of the blood was gone I quickly got dry and put some new clothes on. Just as I was about to pick up my bloodied clothes the voice stopped me.
I’ll take care of that, leave as quick as you can and return in an hour.
I gulped and nodded again, “Okay.” I picked up my coat and grabbed the door handle. With one glance back at the bloody scene I turn and leave the apartment, stepping into the city night.
© Copyright 2017 Lupus Lazuli. All rights reserved.
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