Chapter 5: Feelings

There was a secluded dirt road near the forest in which we had been staying in. Jay and I stayed by the road in hiding while Eileen ran off to get her car. Which would most likely take a while. So I settled on a moss-covered rock to stare at the partially tree-covered sky.

”Hey, Ren.” Jay called out as he sat down next to me. I turned to face him with a curious head tilt. ”Do you think we can trust Eileen?” Well, I hadn't expected him to ask that. I mean, he had trusted a monster like me on our first meeting so I didn't exactly think he had trouble trusting others.

”Why couldn't we?” It was kind of unbelievable that I was the more trusting one from the two of us.

”She tried to kill you, Ren!” The face he made. My god. He was desperate. His eyes were teary and reflecting fear. ”What if this is just what she's planning? Waiting for our guards to drop so she can kill you with ease.” He was crying now, sniffles escaping him as he stared at my hands.

”She would've done that when I was unconscious.” I simply stated with a casual shrug. ”It's way easier taking down an unconscious beast than one that's just unaware.”

”But-!” I didn't let him continue and instead hugged him securely to my still somewhat flattened chest.

”Listen to me, Jay.” He stopped moving, seemingly deciding to just do as I said. ”I won't let anything happen to you, okay?” The guy almost began protesting, but I didn't give him time to do that. ”If I let myself get killed, I can't protect you. Do you think I'd risk that happening?”

There was a small silence between us, during which he only sniffled. Then the guy shook his head, letting out a soft sniffle while slightly pulling away from me. ”No. But I'm still so scared.” He gave me another desperate stare. ”I don't want to be alone again. If you'd be gone then-”

”Shhh.” I let out, covering his mouth with my index finger. ”I'm not going anywhere.” I smiled at the human, the affection I felt for him making my chest feel full of this strange kind of warmth. I brought my hands to cup his cheeks as I dried away his tears. ”You've taken me too lightly, Jay.” His cheeks began glowing red like a perfectly ripe strawberry. ”You are the first being to ever treat me in this way. You mean more to me than you think. Do you understand what I'm saying?”

”I...” He stared at me with wide sparkling eyes, a desperate hand gripping my wrist. ”Do you...” Holy... He looked like he could melt in my hands. What was this feeling? This tightness in my chest. These odd twists in my gut. This unbearable urge to kiss him. I shouldn't be this close.

Whoosh- I had pushed myself away from him, spread my wings, and flown backwards and up on a branch. I stared at him intensely, my cheeks hotter than the inside of an inferno. No, it wasn't just my cheeks. My whole body was burning. And not from pain either. But desire. Fuck! ”S-sorry!” I called out to him his worried gaze, making me shiver. ”I-” The words got stuck in my throat. What was I going to do now? I swallowed, looking back to him desperation definitely evident in my entire demeanor. ”I don't think I should be that close to you right now.”

”Why not?” Oh my god. He was so desperate. It made the burning on my body even more intense. ”Did... did I do something wrong?”

”No!” I shouted to him in panic. ”God no.” Again I shivered, swallowing my urges to jump down and kiss him breathless. ”I just might do something I shouldn't if you touch me.” Thinking about it made my mouth water.

”Something you shouldn't?” Why did he have to be so curious? Agh... And why did I like it so much.

”I'll... I'll tell you later, okay? I promise I'll tell you.” I could see Jay stare at me from my peripheral vision for a bit before he just let out a massive sigh.

”Fine.” I let out a sigh of relief too and gave him a nervous smile.

”Thank you. I just want to get this, um. Trip done first.” If we get past the border he'll be safe with Eileen or at least Raven. So he won't need me that much. Kind of sad now that I think about it. But if he decides that being around me is too uncomfortable when he finds out about all this- whatever the hell it is- then I can leave him alone.

”How's your chest?” The guy asked with a sort of distant demeanor. His voice was still worried, though.

”Well, it's painful and uncomfortable.” Yeah. Having your ribcage flattened wasn't exactly nice. ”But at least I'm not dead.” I shrugged, the burning desire starting to cool off a little.

Jay sighed in concern, his shoulders slumping. ”Yeah...”

”Hey. If we have any luck that Raven guy can fix it. So you don't need to be so down about it, okay?” I tried to reassure. And it truly was a pathetic attempt. I hadn't done this too often. Maybe once or twice before I met him.

”You are unbelievable!” Oh no. He sounded really mad. ”Stop trying to downplay everything just so I won't ”worry” about you!” I stared at him in shock, not having expected his reasoning to be, well, that.

”S-sorry.” I scratched my neck in total awkwardness. ”I thought you were supposed to not let others worry for you.” I mean... I hadn't interacted with many people in general. I guess that's why I have so many of these misconceptions in my head. ”I'm really sorry about that.”

The human narrowed his eyes at me. ”Do you consider worrying about me a bad thing?” I frowned at his question. It confused me a little bit. I would never view it as a bad thing, so why...

My cheeks heated up from embarrassment and I hid behind my wings. “No.” I groaned at my stupidity. “I didn't realize I had double standards.”

A chuckle escaped my adorable companion and I had to peek at him from behind my black feathers. He was smiling at me in this affectionate manner that made my gut twist. “At least you know now.”

For a while, I just sulked in the tree while Jay hummed in a pleased manner. He observed the forest around us, his mood seemingly a bit better than when we first stopped to hide here. The day had already turned to night before Eileen drove her ordinary gray car to the dirt road and came out to help us settle in. My wings were a little big for the car, but as long as I layed down in the backseat it was pretty comfy. The ex-hunter covered me with a blanket since I could still draw attention with my beastly body parts. After we set off it didn't take long for my human to fall asleep. Poor guy was probably exhausted.

“You're still awake.” Eileen simply commented while driving on the endless roads that this city had.

”Yeah.” I didn't exactly feel like sleeping. Nor was I able to, considering how uncomfortable my chest felt. My organs hadn't been turned into mush thanks to my fucked up bone structure, but they had been squished into uncomfortable positions.

“Are you uneasy around me?” She asked with a casual demeanor, but I think she was still a bit nervous since her hands would tighten around the steering wheel.

”Not really.” I shrugged lightly since I didn't have much room to move. ”I wouldn't have let you touch me earlier if I was.” I didn't let anyone suspicious that close. Considering how fragile my body was, I needed to keep a distance to possible threats.

”Ah.” It seemed that she was happy about my answer. ”So is it just the pain?”

”Mostly.” A warm feeling covered my cheeks once again. Jay had made me change in many ways. Physically and mentally. It was strange. ”I just like observing Jay.”

The ex-hunter snorted in an amused manner, taking a quick look at me through the rearview mirror. ”You are so in love with him.” Yeah, I was. It wasn't exactly surprising she knew but it still managed to fluster me.

”Well, yeah. But I don't exactly want Jay to know yet.” I admitted, my sharp gaze not leaving his sleeping figure. It was so adorable and relaxed. I really hoped he was actually asleep.

“Got it.” Eileen said in a way that signaled me she'd keep my little secret. ”Do you think he feels the same?”

I scoffed mockingly at her question. ”Not a chance.” I was a monster. A murderer at best. There was no way I could get a place in his heart. He was the exact opposite of me. He was pure, loving, and took care of others. He was a precious human. Like an angel. I was a monster, maybe even a demon. I could never.

”Why do you think that?” I turned to look at her absolutely baffled.

”Isn't it obvious? He's a human. A very precious one at that. And I'm...” I looked down at my broken body. ”Whatever the hell this is. There's no way he could ever come to love any of this.”

”Precious people are often the ones to love people like you.” The tough gal simply pointed out, her attitude was pretty bright in nature. ”He already cares immensely for you. He's definitely past the ”could never love you” part.” She gave me a supportive look through the mirror again. ”Don't give up just yet, okay?”

I could feel my heart skip a beat as my whole body got swallowed up by flames of embarrassment. I was so happy about her words, yet they also made me incredibly shy. “Th-thank you.”

”No prob, kid.” I gave her a confused look

”Kid?”

”I'm probably at least ten years older than you.” The ex-hunter gave me a sneaky look. ”So I am perfectly qualified to call you kid.”

”You're like 30?” I questioned in surprise. She did not look it. Though did 30-year-old people look any different from 20-year-old ones?

”Yup. You can call me big sis from now on.” I snorted at her comment.

”No way in hell.” We both laughed at that, sharing more light-hearted banter between us, which eventually woke Jay up. He was so adorably out of it, too.

When we got to the outskirts of the city a police officer told us to pull over, which we did. Eileen told me to pretend to be asleep, so I did just that. Relaxing myself as much as possible and closing my beastly eyes.

I could hear a knock on the window, probably on her side. She opened it. ”Miss. May I ask why you're driving out so late? You're almost at the border.” I knew this was the reason. They didn't like people crossing over. Especially when it was night.

”I'm taking my friends with me to visit my aunt across the border, sir. We've wanted to go for a road trip for ages. And thought staying at my aunt's house would be good for our stop at the next city.” The ex-haunter explained in a very natural manner. Like that was all we were doing. She was obviously still nervous, but that was normal when talking with an officer.

”I see.” From the small silence, I could tell that the guy was looking inside the car. Probably observing us. ”How many people are you travelling with?”

”Just these two.” She sure sounded excited. ”Though we should keep it down, my friend is sleeping and he can be a real headache if he wakes up.” Eileen then whispered still sounding like she was excited about our ”trip” so to say.

”Uh-huh.” Well, she seemed to have convinced him. The amusement in the officer's voice was very obvious. I guess he really thought we were just a group of friends having the time of our life. ”I'll just make sure there's no unauthorized or drunk driving going on and then I can let you continue your trip.”

And he kept his word after checking Eileen's driver's license and testing her breath for any traces of alcohol by having her breathe in one of those tube things, we were back on the road.

”How dare you say that I'm a headache!” I smacked her head lightly and she just laughed.

”It worked, though.” I sighed helplessly at her attitude.

”Yeah.”

”At this rate, we'll make it past the border by morning.” She then announced her excitement still there. Maybe it hadn't been an act after all.