Forms Of Grey

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Young Adult  |  House: Booksie Classic

Grey Taylor bounces from home to home, never staying long due to claims of

Chapter 1 (v.1) - Forms Of Grey

Submitted: June 20, 2010

Reads: 250

Comments: 6

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Submitted: June 20, 2010

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My head bobs in the water. The white crests lapping at my roots. My body feels numb, but strangly alive as each wave pushes me farther down, down, down. They push me down to the place I always hit when I close my eyes. I close my eyes for just one second and I'm there. Close my eyes for a minute of peace, to shut the world out. Those waves wait for me, they call to me. I can feel them get angry and I can feel the wind blow across my face and yet I still lay, bobing in the water. I lay wading in my ocean. My very own dark, deep ocean that swallows me whole. It billows and blows and pushes all these thoughts in my head, all these pains and sadness in my body. I start to turn blue and water overtakes my lungs and I think to myself that it's finally over, I'm gone, I'm done. I am dead.


I am seven years old again. My dad is a truck driver and I get to ride all across America with him. He was my whole world, the only thing I had left when my mother died. Dad took care of me and I took care of him. I never left his side and he never complained. Every year we took a huge shipment of Lays chips to Texas and then we would stay there for a day or two. I was dressed in my blue jean shorts and favorite white tank top and yellow sandals I got for my birthday. Dad loaded the truck and we headed off. I loved to strech my arms out the window when we went on highways. My pale white skin looked translucent in the sun as my hands caught the wind. My bleach blonde pigtails beating againtst my face widly. A huge grin spread across my face, just a seven year old having fun. I weaved my hands in and out of the wind, making drawings the world would never see. The wind shish shish shishing by.I close my eyes, smile, then I all I can hear is my dad yell and I feel his arm smack aross my chest, knocking all the air out of my lungs. Everything was blurry, the tires screached and my dads arm was no longer holding me back. We tumbled down the bridge with glass smashing, things flying past my head. I can still remember the way the trees looked as we fell down into the water. They all melted together, a big blob of light and dark green. I remember the water pouring into the truck, busting the glass that got in it's way. I screamed and screamed. I screamed for help, I screamed for my dad, I screamed for a way out. I was never a good swimmer and my lungs gave out easily. My lungs got heavy and my eyelids closed just as my body went cold. I didn't even tell my daddy I loved him. I just watched as he sank down, down, down.

Eight years later, I am fatherless, motherless, heartless. When I close my eyes I am still that even year old girl riding in the truck, pigtails flying. When I open them I am Grey Taylor. Foster kid. I bounce around from family to family. I see kids come and go from "Holly House". I've been sucked into about 10 families. They all gave me back or I clamied they did something to me. Yeah, that's terrible, so what. The ones that gave me on their own claimed I had sunk into deep depression. I guess that true. It's what the doctors say, what the therapists state in their files, it's what my body body tell me. My heart says nothing. It's just a heart that beats, pumps my blood, keeps me on this planet, and takes up space. My brain is lashing out against the doctors, the therapist, and the people that give me pills. It says there is something inside me, something I don't understand yet. Something in my brain clicks everytime I can in contact with something or someone. Feelings surge through my viens and feed my soul. My brain tells me that I can feel things, I might not understand them, but I feel things. They can be feelings of all kinds, or memoires of some sort. It can happen when I touch someone or when they walk by, even when I touch an object. No one knows, but my brain and me. I just let them shove pills my way and scribble how down I am on their yellow note pads. I can't tell them what's really going on when I close my eyes. I'll live my life in the shadow, fearing from people, avoiding life itself all together.


© Copyright 2020 Mariah Joy. All rights reserved.

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