Reads: 638
Comments: 6

One thing I hate about zombie apocalypses? You never know what kind of zombies you’re going to deal with. Okay, for example, in Dawn of the Dead, not the George A. Romero one, the one directed by Zack Snyder, they had the running, or sprinting, zombies. See, that’s a problem for me simply because I can run fast, but I lack the endurance for a long run. I wouldn’t be able to deal with that. But let’s continue on.

Resident Evil zombies? Fuck that! The fact that they had bioweapons as well as steadily evolving zombies that can shoot guns, nope. Nope nope nope nope. Before all of this happened, I played every Resident Evil game out there and if you haven’t played Resident Evil 6 or Revelations, at LEAST, then you have no business questioning my manhood.

And lastly, not really last, but the only one I can talk about at the moment, is that movie, Zombieland. I think that movie describes what I’m currently doing right now. Except I’m not going to give you rules because, in case you haven’t noticed, which you probably haven’t, there are flesh eating zombies out there! I have a problem getting eaten, especially if they reach for my dick first. I’m sorry, but if I ever get my dick ripped off and I’m still alive, kill me. Kill me at the moment it happens. I don’t care if that’s all they got the chance to do. Put that gun to my temple, pull the trigger, and then blow up my body so no one would see that my dick was gone. I’m sorry, but I have to take a comical approach to this pandemic because I don’t like seriousness.

Nothing can stop these fucking zombies. We shoot them in the head, but they keep coming! We blow up their bodies to bits, but they still move! Hmm. Like all zombie stories, I should start off from how it happened, or when I saw it happen and experienced it for myself.


Submitted: January 27, 2014

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Comments

PoeticMe♥

Oh my gosh this is fu*king hilarious!!! ~Clap, clap~ The whole d!ck being ripped off thing was too funny. I read the title of this novel and thought "Hmmm this is probably going to be some romance novel" but then i read the summary and was like hell yes i'm going to read this. talk about don't judge a book by it's cover or in this case it's title. I swear if any humor stories are worth reading yours are, because they're actually funny and you say what everyone else is thinking :D Like the resident evil thing :D the whole time watching those movies i just think if this was real i'd be like "Fu*k that!" Sorry about this long a$$ comment but please KMU (keep me updated)! ~Poetic P.S i played one of those resident evil games and had a nightmare :/ So absolutely no questioning of manhood there :P.

Tue, January 28th, 2014 10:34pm

Author
Reply

You're my favorite person right now. Thank you. And yes, I know. Those are scary as fuck to me. Certain ones, anyway. Ones I haven't played. Anyway, I shall keep you updated when I update it.

Tue, January 28th, 2014 3:50pm

smircle

Ha ha, this is quite funny! I haven't played any of those games mentioned (more of a Saints Row, COD and GTA person), but the amount of different types of zombies there 'are' would make it really hard to 'train' for an apocalypse :P Good start, keep writing! :)

Wed, January 29th, 2014 9:04pm

Author
Reply

I play all games and thanks. I will. Hopefully, it gets better and funnier.

Thu, January 30th, 2014 3:51pm

Volatile

Im reading on :) this is catchy. Technically speaking I can't relate because I'm a 13 year old girl that has never played zombie Video games but it was amazingly described :P

Sat, February 1st, 2014 8:46pm

Author
Reply

These are exactly how I feel about zombies and such. But thanks for reading. 13, huh? well, reader discretion is advised.

Sat, February 1st, 2014 3:47pm

doombringer106

That was awesome...really funny too.
Laughed my ass off in front of everyone in my office room
Probably gonna get fired....no biggie
I was planning on quiting anyways but good fucking job mate!

Mon, February 17th, 2014 12:12am

Author
Reply

X'D Oh my god. Thank you.

Sun, February 16th, 2014 4:21pm

Demyx306

I'm actually interested in your goofy approach to Zombie writing :D

Wed, March 19th, 2014 9:40pm

Author
Reply

Yeah. This is rushed AND goofy! Thanks for reading!

Wed, March 19th, 2014 2:45pm

damnlotor

Omg that was hilarious, but you really need to space it out, cause it was hard for my eyes to keep focus o.o

Thu, March 27th, 2014 11:14pm

Author
Reply

I get that a LOT! But I will. Thanks for reading!

Thu, March 27th, 2014 5:16pm

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