Tell Me I'm Frozen(Don't Worry I'll Warm You)

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Gay and Lesbian  |  House: Booksie Classic

Nicholas has spent the last 2 years in denial. He cannot accept his twin brother's death and he doesn't wish too. Battered by his pain and his alcoholic mother. Nicholas finds refuge in the arms of a smart,caring,and artistic foul-mouthed guy named Seth. Will this person be the one to melt Nicholas's frozen heart or will Nicholas wind up alone.

Chapter 1 (v.1) - Tell Me I'm Frozen(Don't Worry I'll Warm You)

Submitted: October 30, 2009

Reads: 401

Comments: 2

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Submitted: October 30, 2009

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It's been two years since my twin brother Alex took his own life. I find myself constantly straying back to the night when the world seemed to stop and all I could see was flashing lights surrounding me. The red illuminating my face as the two people in blue carried away my brothers body under a sheet. Have I ever gotten over it? I don't know.Blood seem's to permanently stain my hands and my memories. Will I ever resemble the happy kid I used to be? Thats up for me to decide and right now I don't want to lose this feeling of complete nothingness.Because when you feel nothing you don't have to worry about the pain.All you feel is a timeless blackness that covers you and prevents you from feeling horrible things. I hope I never let go of this feeling,because If I lose it,I might end up exactly where my brother is right now.In hell..........................................

Nicholas Emerson watched stoically as his therapist read through his daily journal that he wrote in every week. It was part of his therapy,But dammit he hated having someone else's eyes peering into his soul. Well,not really peering into it.But pretty close,considering that all of Nicholas's fears and worries were written on paper and bound in leather.Which was now resting in the hand's of one man that he would rather live without.The rustling of the paper's made him uneasy and if this wacko didn't hurry up he was going to climb out the nearest window and jump to his death.It didnt seem like a bad idea at this point,But it would suck for the cleaning crew that would have to scrape his broken carcass off the pavement. Wincing at the morbidness of his thoughts,He focused on something in the office that would help him divert his thoughts elsewhere.Somewhere not so violent or gruesome.His eye's strayed to a photograph that sat on the self behind his therapist's desk. Frowning he stood up wanting to get a closer look. Moving his way around the office,He came to a stop just infront of the armoire and leaned forward peering closely at the picture. The picture was in black and white,It's edges frayed yellow with age and time. The two smiling faces forever frozen,Reaching out he picked the frame up and walked back over to the sofa. Sitting down he waited until his therapist closed his journal before asking. "Whose this a picture of?"

John Sawyer's eye's strayed to the photo in the boy's hands and immedately lite up as he reached forward from his chair and took the picture from his patient. Looking down at it,he could still remember that day.He was only 6 years old when his older brother had been hit by a truck while chasing after his ball. The picture had been taken 2 hours before that horrible accident. Closing his eyes,he could still hear the horn of the truck and the crunch of his brothers body as the tires flattened him to the cement. All that blood,he would never forget it.But he wouldn't divert back to the lifeless sack of crap he was before.Setting the picture down he focused on the question the kid had asked. "That picture was of me and my older brother Daniel."

Nicholas saw something pass through his therapist's eyes. It looked like sadness but he couldnt be sure anymore. He hardly paid attention to what others were feeling anymore. Even the cute guy he had previously talked to did not fully know Nicholas and he never would. Telling people his thoughts or memories did not make them go away.Infact it made them resurface and caused the hold in his chest to stretch every wider.If the hole got any wider he was sure to be sucked through it. Tilting his head he moved his bangs out of his eyes and decided to go ahead with his next question. "What happened to him?"

John was caught off guard by the question.His patients never bothered to ask about his past or the things that mean't so much to him.Those things seemed to litter most of the space around him. They were his security blanket and he cherished them more than anything.But the only picture he had of his brother mean't more to him than anything else in this room. Lifting his head he met his patients eyes. He could see a deep eagerness in them but it was masked by sadness that shouldn't be in a face so young. Sighing he ran a hand through his salt and pepper hair before speaking. "He was hit by a car and killed."

Nicholas swallowed as he saw the agony in his therapist's eyes. He didn't understand why the doctor would send him to someone who was just as screwed up as he was. Shaking his head,He bent down and picked up his backpack. Swinging it onto his shoulder he made his way to the door. " I wish you would've told me this sooner" he felt such anger in knowing that this man was more fucked up then he was maybe more. "I'll make sure not to come back here" with that parting comment he made his way down the hallway and out to his little blue toyota waiting in the parking lot.Unlocking the door he slid in and gripped the steering wheel until his knuckles turned white. He kept his forehead on the wheel and took a few moments to just breathe and relax.

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Seth Hanson was not your average teenager. Sure,he wasnt much to look at but he made up for it with his humor and his ability to go above and beyond for the people who mean't the world to him. Lately,It seemed like everyone was coming to him with their problems and asking him to fix them. He was certainly no Dr.Phil,But he tried his best to help out his friends. But,after awhile his friends stopped coming to him with their problem's and soon he was left alone to face his own. Just recently he had discovered he was gay. No not happy to meet you gay. More like,Hi nice to meet you can I kiss you. That kinda gay,the kinda gay that was a death sentence to most kid's that looked like him. He wasn't bad looking just average. Weighing only 154,he was tall and skinny but had muscle definition if you could call those little lumps on his arms muscles. He had a heart-shaped face and outrageous hair. He was an artistic in the closet gay teenager who loved dying his hair every color of the rainbow.Sighing,he raised his head and peered at the clock realizing that he didnt have his glasses on and forgot to put in his contacts that morning. He couldn't see shit past the blurry screen that covered his eyesight.Reaching for his glass case his hand knocked into it and he winced as he heard it hit the floor. "Shit on a Cracker"

Libby Anderson raised her head from her magazine and gave her co-worker a weird look.She didn't know Seth that well but that kid sure could come up with some interesting phrases using curse words. Closing her magazine,she bent down and retrieved his rainbow eyeglass case and put it into his hand. "Tomorrow,don't forget your contacts ok,This is the third time I've picked these up"

Seth gave her the bird and slid his glasses up his nose. He hated that girl and her snobby attitude.He did not know why she was even working in a dump like this.Her father was rich and could get her any job she wanted.But no,she wanted to be a normal teenager and get a normal job. Boo Fucking Hoo,GROW SOME CAJONES!!! He shouted mentally at her. He knew it didn't work but he also secretly hoped she'd get the message and get off his ass. Wincing at the mental image,He pulled out his phone and scrolled down the names before the bar highlighted a certain guys name. A guy he was totally crushing on. "Nicholas" the sweetest guy he had ever met. Pressing the button he waited as the phone began to ring. His heart rate sped up as a husky voice answered.

"Hello?"

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Nicholas had been far away from himself when a certain vibrating sensation in his pocket snapped him back to reality and to the cruel fact that he was no longer alone in his misery.A certain therapist knew how he felt. Reaching into his pocket he flipped up the top and answered.

"Hello?"

Seth swallowed at hearing that sexy husky voice speaking in his ear that he lost his train of thought and stood there for 20 minutes like a complete idiot.He shook himself out of his stupor and answered back with a soft.

"Hey"

Nicholas gripped the phone in his hand as he heard that familiar sweet soft voice that could only belong to one person. "Seth" That voice sent shivers down his spine and unleashed the butterflies in his belly causing them to flutter crazily in his stomach.

" Seth" he answered gently.

"Yea,it's me.How are you?" Seth could tell that something was wrong with Nick by the way his voice sounded. He sat down outside on the steps and lit a cigarette as he waited for the boy to speak.

5 mins passed before Nick said anything. " I could be better,But I'm hanging in there.How are you?"

Seth exhaled the smoke out of his nose as he felt a small smile tug at the corners of his mouth. One day,Nick would open up to him and tell him what he was really thinking. Until then Seth wouldn't rush him. "Ok,I'm at work right now. The video store is empty today."

Nicholas chuckled then frowned as he heard Seth exhale again. He groaned and rubbed his forehead with his fingers. "Seth please tell me your not smoking."

Seth could hear the frustration in Nick's voice and he had to laugh gently. Which made Nick groan. " Yea I am.Theres not a law against it."

"Those things will kill you."

"I think I got that,they do have a warning label" Seth answered.

"Anyways Seth,Why did you call?"

Seth bit his lip thinking about how much he should tell Nick until he told himself the hell with it and pushed ahead. "Will you go out with me?"

Nick didn't know what to say to that.His heart was racing a mile a minute and his palms were growing sweaty as he dropped the phone. Hurriedly he picked it back up and said. "Ok,when"

Seth jumped up and danced around.Not caring that customers were staring at him in odd ways. He stopped jumping and spoke out of breathe. " Friday."

"Ok,I'll see you then."

"See ya Nick"

'I love you"

 

 


Seth knew it was too soon to say those words so he would wait until Nick fully opened up to him before he would say it. Gathering his stuff he picked up his smokes and went back to work. A huge smile on his face. Not even the snobby bitch at the counter could dampen his mood. He would get his date with Nick.


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