Letting Others In.
By the time I’d finally got to Chris’s house, I was an hour and a half late due to my brother repeatedly asking if I was okay. Sometimes I used to get annoyed by his concern, I mean I didn’t need anyone to remind me about the past. I was trying hard enough as it was to pack it away, I kind of wished I hadn’t told my brother about what had happened, I mean I knew he had meant well and even helped me out a lot but it just got a little overwhelming at times.
I had to knock about five times before Chris answered the front door, looking rather miserable. Oh great, I was hoping for someone to cheer me up.
‘Hey Chris, I’m really sorry I’m so late! I lost track of time. Boy, are you okay? You look like shit.’ I said after a while of analysing his appearance.
‘Uhh, it’s okay Robin and yeah, I just got some really shitty news. Come in?’ Chris replied in a dull tone.
I felt my heart drop as he moved aside to allow me to enter. I’d never seen him so down, whatever it was, it must have been pretty awful to make him like this. I wondered if he wanted to talk about it, I would understand if he didn’t.
‘I’m really sorry Robin, this isn’t going to be all that fun tonight’ he said rubbing his eyes.
‘Chris… If you want to talk about it, I’m here and I won’t be going anywhere’ I said in a concerned voice, as I whipped a tear away from his cheek.
I pulled Chris into my arms and put my head on his shoulder.
‘M-m-my Muuurrrrmmm… she’s gone’. Chris’s bottom lip started to tremble as he stuttered the words out.
I knew exactly what he meant, although he didn’t talk about it often, his Mum had been an alcoholic for years and was often being told by the doctor that she was killing herself. Chris had used to take the bottle from her in an attempt to save his Mum, but it had just made arguments and he got tired of it. I guess the alcohol had finally taken her.
Yet all I cared about was Chris, I’d never admit this to him but I’d always disliked her and how selfish she was. Why she never deserved such a wonderful son.
‘Chris I’m so sorry, I should have been here’ I said shivering.
‘It’s not your fault she’s dead, it’s her own’ he replied, pulling away from me and the conversation.
I could tell he didn’t want to talk about it, but block it out instead. This was one of the many qualities we shared.
‘Okay Chris, we don’t need to talk about this now. I’m going to go and put my stuff in your room and then come back to make a drink for us, the alcoholic kind… you and me both need it.’ I sighed and then walked away to give Chris some space.
Five minutes later I returned to find he’d already drank rather a lot of the bottle of rum, thankfully mixed with coke.
‘Oi, at least save some for me!’ I said, forcing a smile.
‘Alright, alright.’ He replied, passing the bottle to me with a grin on his face. ‘You know Robin, you’re honestly the most beautiful girl I’ve ever met. I wasn’t going to tell you this but I’ve loved you ever since we started being friends and I’ve always wished for more…’ Chris blurted out as if removing a burden he’d been carrying, in the hope to relieve himself.
I just stood there, looking at him in shock. Now I cannot lie and say I didn’t get butterflies in my belly, but I can say I felt stupid getting them in the first place. He was off his face drunk and his mother had just passed away. He didn’t know what he was saying, so I decided to just laugh it off as if it didn’t affect me in anyway.
I took the bottle from him and started to glug it down as if it was water. But boy did it burn my throat.
‘You do know how much you’re drinking right now? I know I’m off my head but that’s got to burn.’ He said, not at all concerned about how it will affect me after, like he usually is, because he was drunk.
We carried on drinking our problems away for the next couple of hours before I decided it would be wise to share my shitty news with him too.
‘So Chris, you see, just to make you feel better… I’ve got some crap stuff going on too’ I said cackling to myself, feeling a little bit insane.
‘Ah, a competition, now you’re talking. Hit me with your worst.’ He said winking at me.
‘Alright. So you know Sam, my Brother? Well he’s actually my half-brother. We have different dads due to my mum cheating on Sam’s Dad about the time she got pregnant with me. Now you see Sam’s Dad did not like this, no he didn’t. But of course he couldn’t leave his precious Son and wife who he did not blame at all for the affair. So instead of blaming her, he blamed me… for everything. It seemed the older I got the more he hated me. At first it was only the occasional hit with a lot of shouting, which he mostly allowed my Mum to see. She never defended me as she feared he’d leave her, so always took his side.’ I sighed and looked over at Chris who was intently listening. ‘I was about 9 when it became more serious, he wasn’t so open with how he treated me after that. I felt so alone, my Mum couldn’t have known what he did to me after that. She would have done something, I’m sure. From then on he made me do things you know, to him; like it was pay back to the man my mum had an affair with. It was so fucked up. I never even told anyone until I was 14. My brother Sam was so understanding and helpful. He immediately believed me and stopped contacting his Dad. You know he keeps telling me to tell mum or the police about everything that happened because soon he’s coming back from Thailand, his home country. He will come and stay in our house and I fear what he may do. Sam says if we tell the police before he comes back they may have a better chance of catching him. But do you know what I fear the most? I fear that they won’t believe me, allowing him to come back into our lives and finish what he started.’ I finally sat in silence, coming to the realization that I’d just told my best friend my biggest secret.
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