As I lay begging for the sweet release of death, I feel the wounds I have inflicted upon myself closing, and healing as though nothing had happened. No scars or scabs to be my evidence. I curse this eternal life I have been given and beg for away to escape it. I look out the window, and see and my girls training hard to do me proud.
Tears star to flow out of my eyes as I fall to my knees, hating the curse we all bear. I wish to be freed from this hellish life. I wish to fall in front of the council and beg to be set free and killed. I have lived long enough I have seen many wars and many a friend and enemy die. I can only ever wish I would be allowed to die and be set free.
I return to my earthly body and realize once more I have cried through the realms. I can only hope for the sweet release form the zones horrible curse. I wish never to watch another loved one die and to never curse another child to the hell of existence. If I could be removed and allowed this last cycle to run it natural course I could finally pass on and be free of all the pain I have suffered.
The knowledge I hold this most dear frightens me deeply as I know I have my reasonability’s to my people and my family. I just can no longer take this anger and pain of seeing those I come to love die every cycle. I must stay strong the light of my life my own dear son has been born of both realms and will need me when he comes of age. I shall stay strong for him as it is my duty to train and groom my son to take my place on the throne.
I rub my stomach wondering weather or not this one shall be a girl to take over my assassins and my place as the top ranked assassin in the zone. I would pray to a god for a daughter if I had never been considered one by mortals of the past. I giggle at the memory of how we once walked the earth as gods and goddesses watching over mortals we deemed worthy and bringing them to a realm where they could live forever and be happy and content. My mind slips to what because the first war in our realm and how we discovered that those we brought in could still be killed easily by us. I shake the thought from my mind and allow it to turn to my current life events.
I think of my sweet master, and how cautious I have become of him. Though he swears he is not what I fear, sometimes I feel as if I am walking a familiar path and should run away now. Yet something when he holds me and touches me I feel a calm that tells me he could never injure me the way my past lovers have. I have his child and he seems to be happy but part of me fears he will use the child to control me.
Buzz buzz buzz. I reach for my cell phone and answer it, “hello?”
“Celin, it is me, Alinta, I have had a troubling vision we must speak at once,” my sister replies I can hear fear in her voice.
“Where would you like to meet?”
“Come to my house, in an hour. I am most concerned for our future,” the urgency tells me I must be there at the appointed time.
“Allow me to pick up my son and I shall be over in an hour”
“Good, and this concerns him so it may be best is he is here, though he will not remember it,”
I hang up and grab up my coat. Putting on my shoes I think of how bad I shall feel for my son when he comes to envy his younger sibling. I lock the door behind me and carefully make my way down the icy walk in front of my house. I think I shall grab some ice melt from my parent’s house. Upon reach the clear sidewalk I break into a run, the urgency from Alinta’s voice rushing me to be as fast as possible. I enter my parents, and Nod to my stepfather.
“Rob, I’m going to take Caine out to see, his aunt Alinta. I hope you guys don’t mind but she really wants to see her nephew,” I say as I start prepping his diaper bag. Taking stock of the bag I decide to grab extra wipes, diapers, and snack for him.
“Message, Frost, and tell him where your taking your guys son,” Rob replies reminding me that I’m still not fully trusted.
“Already done while I was on my way here. I need to prep his bottles before I wake him up, could you tell me how he been?”
“He been coughing again but it seems to be leaving finally. He’s also been a lot clingier to your mother,”
“I can’t say I’m surprised we look alike enough that the face is still mommies to him”
“Well I hope he start forming that attachment to you,”
“As do I. Bottles are prepped I must go rouse him from his sleep,”
I walk down the hall to my son door and as I crack it open I see him standing there almost as if he knew I was coming to get him. He smiles and my heart melts, I feel tears coming up threatening to spill over and I fight them back. I cross the room to his crib and pick him up. I kiss his head and look upon him feeling my heart swell with love and pain. I feel horrible for giving his dad a reason to take him away from me.
“We are going to go see you auntie sweet heart, it’s been a while since you saw her last. Please don’t play all shy, wait why am I worrying? You are a flirt with all girls I’m sure you’ll be just fine,” I say a light tone, hiding my heavy heart.
“Hiiii, ma-ma-ma,” Caine coos to me a huge smile across his face.
“You need a new diaper before we leave, my little bug-a-boo,” He smile as I use my special name for him and we go down the hall.
I grab a fresh diaper, the wipes, baby powder, and his bum cream. Laying him down I smile and coo as I open the bottom of his sleeper. Opening the diaper the smell hits me and I make a face.
“You stinky little boy. Remind me to tell your dad you got his ass,” I wipe the entire poop and make sure he all clean.
Placing the new diaper under him I rub the bum cream on his bum, and then sprinkle the baby powder on him. I do up the diaper and his sleeper. Reaching to grab his jacket and boots I tickle his little tummy then bow down and shake my hair in his face, earning the cutest giggle from him. I put his jacket on and take him over to give Rob kisses.
“Say see you later, Pops,” I tell Caine, as I take him and place him in his stroller.
I get his boots on, say good by to Rob and head out the door to the bus stop. WE reach it after 4x4 though the snow and slush that covers the sidewalks. Caine is smiling and cooing as we board the bus that will take us to my sisters house. I pull out a book I brought along for the ride and start reading.
© Copyright 2016 Miri Anna Chaos. All rights reserved.