Reads: 182
Comments: 5

Ch. 16 Be Careful with Your Weapon

At home it's different. Now that I'm here it's real, this is real, and I'm going to do this. I sit atop of my toilet seat to think. Think about how things used to be different before, when everything was simple, when I didn't feel so conscious about life. Maybe because back then it was easier to forget since I had someone to forget things with.

Lucas, I will always love him, but he doesn't, so we'll never be together. I will always remember the Star Wars marathons, the late nights, his obsession with all things science fiction, but what will he remember of me?

My mom who doesn't love me...period. There was never love there, I had to raise myself, fight for myself, and I now see that I failed at it. She was never truly there for me.

My dad, who I never had met until this morning, but left soon after. How can I believe he will ever love me?

And Noah. Who I barely know, and he barely knows me.

As I head towards the mirror above the sink opening the familiar door, taking the blade from behind the toiletries, I know that this is exactly what I want to do. I hold it carefully not knowing where to stand to do this, so I decide on sitting next to my bathtub. I sit at first with my knees to my chest, afraid of the future, afraid that I'll fail yet again. My cheeks become wet and notice that I have started crying. But for the first time these tears aren't of frustration, or anger, or desperation, they are of acceptance, and that's a nice feeling to have.

"Oh God." I whimper to myself. "Finally..." I press the blade to my wrist and remember the phrase 'Down the road, not across the street.', so unlike my usual sessions I don't angle it horizontally. This time I position the blade vertical to my wrist.

Slowly I run it down my wrist feeling a hot sting as it opens my skin letting the blood out to pool. For my other arm I do the same, the affect is the same as well, but their is a different after feeling. It's more than a sting now, it's like a heavy load was dropped on me or like if I just ran a marathon. It's working, I think.

"Finally, I can be free." I say as I try another line, but in the end I'm just too weak to finish. My view starts getting foggy, blurriness is all that I'm seeing, and my head is getting dizzy, so I drop to the ground to lay on my side. As my arm rests to my side, I noticed that this is the most blood my sessions have ever generated. I can feel myself feel heavy now, but I'm not moving so that shouldn't bother me, then everything starts turning dark, someone is dimming the lights to my life it seems. That person being me. I let the waves ride me, letting go of all thoughts and feelings, and focusing on my heartbeat.

This is it. I can finally rest and be-

"Jessica!"

No.

"Jessica! Jessica!" I hear a faraway voice call out. My eyes are finally closed but I can feel the person by my side.

"Jessica! Stay with me! Are you listening to me? Oh God Jess, why? Yes operator I need an ambulance..." I hear the voice but then suddenly I can't hear it any longer. Then there is quiet, except the soft sound of my voice as I think my last thoughts.

Please let this be the end to my horrible beginning.


Submitted: July 28, 2011

© Copyright 2021 monicastar14. All rights reserved.

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Comments

GabriellaSongs

please please please
kmu.
i gotta know what happens
next.
please
-gabby...(alissa) lol

Thu, July 28th, 2011 4:44pm

Author
Reply

Okay yes I will!! Okay I'll try to keep this up and post the next chapter ASAP:D thanks for reading!

Thu, July 28th, 2011 10:57am

livexlaughxlovex

Oh My God!!! I can't believe she did this! This could very well be the end, just not the end of her. You need to update like right now. This is a mean mean cliffhanger!!! Kmu

Thu, July 28th, 2011 4:44pm

Author
Reply

I know:/ it's so sad that it would go to this level, but yeah...Hmm I dunno. Maybe. I have yet to write it and I'm still thinking of ideas. Okay I definitely will. I will have it up hopefully tonight or tomorrow! I know! * rubs hands together and laughs evilly* lol thanks for reading!

Thu, July 28th, 2011 11:03am

Kaitlyn Jade

AH! NOOO! grrr! you can't leave it there! ah, I'm on the edge of my seat! UPDATE SOON! xx

Fri, July 29th, 2011 2:45am

Author
Reply

Oh gosh I had to do it! I had to. I'll update right away I promise:] Yay glad you liked it! thanks for reading;]

Thu, July 28th, 2011 9:54pm

CaseyDarling

Aw, I hope she's ok! Great job, update soon!

Tue, August 2nd, 2011 2:46pm

Author
Reply

Ohhh we'll see... Ah, glad you think so! I will! thanks for reading:]

Tue, August 2nd, 2011 8:50am

JessCuzICan

Dannnnnng. You are a phenominal writer! Wow.. That's all I can say!

Mon, February 20th, 2012 12:48am

Author
Reply

Oh wow! That is so nice to hear :) Aww you're making me blush! Thanks for reading:)

Wed, February 22nd, 2012 12:36am

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