Hooch Mon

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Mystery and Crime  |  House: Booksie Classic

One mans wander through the fetid world we live in. Bad trips, good trips, no trips, crime and punishment.

Chapter 1 (v.1) - Hooch Mon

Submitted: May 18, 2008

Reads: 304

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Submitted: May 18, 2008




I'll précis the boring childhood stuff.Yes, I had a shite childhood.Only child.Dead dad.Insane mother.The usual.I pay an analyst two hundred bucks an hour to tell that story so you can ask him.However, at 13 I met Snake (or Donnie as his mother still calls him).

I say 'met' which isn't strictly accurate.We'd been in the same class at 11 but gratuitously ignored each other.So you could say we've known each other for thirty years now.Anyway, back to 13.Do you remember the NWOBHM?No?I'm not surprised.Lots of dodgy heavy metal bands wearing studs but it was my initiation into rock music.We'd bumped into each other at a Motorhead gig at the Odeon a couple of weeks earlier and had exchanged surprised pleasantries.Our school was strictly Mod so another headbanger was a rarity.

So it's morning break and I'm strutting round in my shiny new Saxon T-shirt when up walk Oggy and Bogie, the two school psychos.Instead of retreating, a combination of teenage bravado and White lightning cider (concealed in a lemonade bottle) kept me standing.Cue the witty conversation.

Oggy or Bogie (they were interchangeable)."Hamie, you a poof?"

Me, "Don't be fucking stupid".

Oggy/Bogie, "I say you're a fucking poof, you're a fucking poof, right!"

Me, "Ah fuck off, ya pair o' arse bandits."

Oggy/Bogie then ceased the jocular repartee and proceeded to kick the proverbial seven shades of shit out of me.At this point fate takes a hand and Snake walks round the corner.Five minutes earlier, five minutes later, I'd probably be working in an office somewhere thinking about how different things could have been.However, Snake leapt to the rescue.Well actually they kicked the shit out of him as well.

At that moment, we connected.Now I'm not going to into any fake male bonding shit but, even now I'd do anything for him.I mean, I hate the bastard sometimes and he can be a real prick, but he's still the best friend I ever had.

What?Oh, must be two years since we met.Last I heard he was running a holistic hunting lodge in Vermont.Yeah, holistic.Apparently they can only kill animals when hunter and hunted have reached an inner peace within themselves and with their place in the universal matrix.Yeah, I thought it was bollocks as well.Well, he married the stupid bitch, so it's his problem.

So anyway, to get back, we were the outsiders at school, so we clung together even more.We spent the next three years being suspended, punished and eventually they asked us to leave.We took the summer off, bought a crappy old VW van and headed off on the festival circuit.

We spent three months in that van and they were probably the best three months I ever had.Glastonbury, Stonehenge, Nostell Priory, Castle Donington.We did them all.I discovered good drugs, proper sex (not the schoolboy fumbling) and the bass guitar.I had my first acid trip (and numbers 2 through 30!)and life seemed good.However, we eventually ran out of money (and people to blag off) so it was back home.To the dole queue.

© Copyright 2018 MrH2u. All rights reserved.


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