It's been a few days since the kiss, and my mind is fogged. Not in a good, happy, lovey kind of way. In a sick way, where I hate myself and can't concentrate. I can't beleive I kissed him. I just can't. I hate him. But, the past is the past I guess. Katy and Becky don't know, and Marcy deffinately doesn't know, and I'm not going to tell anyone. Christmas is just days away, and I don't want to ruin my Christmas by feeling sick, but I just can't help it. I hate him!
I frown and look at the bracelet he tied to my wrist. I don't want it, but he asked me not to tear it off. I almost did a few times, but I realized that it's just easier not to. I refuse to put the collar on Pippi though. I just...Don't want to.
Marcy sits next to me on the couch "Whatcha watching?" She asks, holding her basketball stomach. She has her cheery holiday smile painted on, counting down by the seconds until Christmas. She is very excited. I think I get that from her, because Mom and Dad have always hated Christmas. I can hear Dad's voice in my head, 'Christmas has been taken advantage of by the econemy, and you spend all your money, telling children it's from a magical burgelar. It just doesn't make any scence to me.' I smile at the thought of him. He's such a square.
I smile "Just another special." I groan. Repeats, the ones they play way too much, really, are annoying.
She smiles "Well it's only two days away, so you'll have survive." She smiles a dark red smile.
"Where's Tony? He should be here." I ask.
"He's playing Santa at the little shopping center down the street. She says, giggling and blushing. I roll my eyes and laugh at her. Then, she gets excited and is on the edge of her seat. "Oh, hey! We should go see him."
I smile and stand up "You read my mind." This is gonna be funny. To Marcy, this will be adorable. She'll love him even more, if that's possible.
I slip on my winter-wear quickly, then help Marcy slip into her coat. And her shoes. And her mittens. Why her mittens? She's too lazy.
We walk down the stairs and into the icy streets. I feel so bad for Marcy, because she must be so miserable. It's got to be very hard to be pregnant, and I don't think I'll ever get pregnant. I think I might be too scared. Marcy assures me it's not that bad, but I just think that she wants a neice or a nephew.
She 'oohs' and 'aahs' at all the cute little Christmas decorations as we approach the Santa chair. All the children squeal, talking to their Moms. I hear things like 'Mommy, will he really give me the train? Really?' And things that Moms say like 'Only if your good' Or 'Santa watches you, so of course he knows what you want.' I smile and shove my hands in my pockets.
'Santa', or Tony, ho ho ho's and uses the deep Santa voice. He's got the pasted on beard, the old man makeup, the round golden glasses, the red and white attire. This all must be overwhelming to Marcy, because her face is red and she's squealing. "He's SO CUTE!" I roll my eyes. She;s acting like a fourteen year old at a boyband concert. I laugh.
The elves are looking at their watches, because it's near lunch time and they must be irritated. All the kids laughing at them, they look annoyed. But they're so short that it's kind of cute.
Some little kid starts crying and Marcy and I frown. Then, the elves make it clear that theu will all have to come back in half an hour. Kids whine and cry, moms frown, older siblings sigh in releif, and the elves nearly rip off the rediculous costumes. Tony stands up, and Marcy, though she;s pregnant, runs to him excitedly. Her eyes twinkle.
"Are you having fun?" She asks him joyfully.
He smiles awkwardly, trying not to kill his wife's enthusiasm, "Yeah...but Santa got peed on a little bit."
Marcy and I laugh at that, but he's a little disgusted. He's just not gonna say anything to Marcy. He's such a good husband.
Marcy smiles at him, and he smiles back. Awkward silence follows, not counting the rush of the city, and Tony opens his arms to Marcy "Santa doesn't get a kiss?"
She kisses him happily, the baby bulge hitting his styraphome bulge.
Kiss... I think, covering my face. The thought had finally slipped from my mind, but now my mind will fog up again in disgust. Why? Why did all this have to happen. I would still just ignore him, but, nooo. He had to go and make me hat myself. Hate him. More, anyways.
Santa goes to change into some clean pants and Marcy and I stay the rest of the day, just watching. But it goes by pretty quickly to me, because I'm spaced out.
My mother calls me after I get home to wish me a Merry Christmas, and says my present is in the mail. I thank her, and she apologizes for herself and Dad for not being able to make it. I tell her I love her, I say that I understand. Then, she blows me a kiss through the phone and hangs up. I catch the kiss and sadly put it in my pocket.
I said that I understand, but I don't. Why do they have to miss Christmas, the most loving day of the year, for work? You're supposed to spend Christmas with who and what you love the most, so do they love their job more than Marcy and I? I'm starting to think so. I pat my pocket to make sure the kiss stays there, because I don't want to lose it.
I pick up Pippi and lay on my bed, and get ready for tomorrow. Christmas eve.
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