'Why are you poking my face?' was my first thought when I woke up. Somebody is poking my face. And I don't like it.
I opened my eyes, and what do I see? A little black boy staring at me. He had bright blue green eyes, and couldn't be older than three. He was naked, wearing only a diaper.
"What the fuck?" I said to the boy.
"Diana! Watch your mouth, he's only two!" said my "friend," Sarah Fay. But she's a mom. She's going to make me look old. Can someone say ew?
"Yeah. Whatever. Why the fuck are you and a little kid in my house?"
"This is Justin. My son? Geez, and I'm called the slow one?"
"Cuz you are. I said why are you in my house. I never asked who the kid was."
"Whatever. We're here because...well, did you hear about that robber?"
"Well, he broke into my house. Took my mom. She was found in a dumpster down the road. She was just tied up, and we think that the robber put her there so that she would be killed by the garbage truck. Can you say messed up?"
"Yeah. So why are you here?"
Sarah rolled her eyes before saying, "We're here because we needed a place to stay. The cops called up your house. Your parents told me to come wait for you up here. So I did."
"Right. Goodnight. And don't touch anything," I said, getting up and going to my room even though it's at least noon now.
"Diana. It's one in the afternoon."
"So? A girl's gotta get her beauty sleep," I said as I shut my door.
My room was exactly how I left it: exteremely clean and cool. Everything was white and black. The only colors were on my curtains, lamp, bed spread, dresser drawers, desk drawers, vanity drawers, and a few other small things. And what I really liked was that I could change their color. Right now, everything was set to a lavender. It was really pretty. I walked to my bed and sat down on it's memory foam goodness. I just had to put on my face mask and then clap twice, and my lights were out and I was off in a dreamless sleep.
I woke up a little after three. I got up and sat in my game room to see my sister talking to Sarah. Ew.
"Look who's finally up," she said, grinning.
"Look who's finally lost some weight. What are you now, 236 pounds?"
"So nice and charming as always. You're friend has been waiting for you to get up," she said, still smiling.
"I know. I'm not stupid. I was up for a few minutes and I saw her. Why are you on my floor?"
"I figured you weren't up. So I came to talk to your friend. Problem?" Finally, she is getting angry!
"Yeah, you might break the floor, and that would really piss off mom and dad."
"So would your swearing."
"You think I care? I'm not the goody-two-shoes of the house. You are."
"I am not a goody-two-shoes."
"Really? I think you are. How much have you smoked? None. How much have you drank? None. How many times have you had sex? None," I said, setting her up.
"Diana. I'm pregnant." And she took the bait.
"And you probably had mom and dad sign a permission slip for it to happen," I sneered.
"At least I haven't screwed half of the school."
"Oh, screwed? That's an almost swear, you're getting serious."
"Look, she doesn't deny it."
"Why would I? Everyone knows it's true. I'm just that wanted I guess. Unlike some people," I said, eyeing her up. She used to complain to me about her being single all the time, so I knew it would hurt.
The words did their job. "Wha-how...How could you say something like that?" she said, getting teary. Barf.
"Simple. I moved my mouth, and my tongue, and I made my vocal chords do that little thing they do and they made noise. It's easy."
"You know what I mean. I'm telling mom you said that."
"Puh-lease! You're twenty-three, not ten! You can't go running to mummy every time you get a boo boo," I said, sticking out my bottom lip.
"Since when did you become such a bitch?"
"Oh, look, sissy said a bad word! I'm telling mummyy!!!" I said, doing my toddler run to the stairs. Then I faked a fall and started holding my knee, saying, "Owie, owie, I got a boo boo! Oh, I'm twenty-three and I'm crying cuz I gots a boo boo! Oh, owie!" Then I got up, gave my sister my best "you are so pathetic" look and I walked to the mini fridge, getting an apple.
"That child impression was scarily accurate. I guess it's because you're always whining to everybody about how you need something, or you didn't get your way."
"I like how you think you're cool. Wait, no, I don't."
"At least I'm not stupid."
"Who needs to be smart when you're rich and sexy?"
"Well who needs to be rich and sexy when you can be smart, get rich, and then let the money make you sexy?"
"Um, anybody who doesn't want to end up with someone who is sexually attracted to paper. Green paper, I might add."
"Green is a lovely color."
"Green is associated to smelly things, like garbage and farts."
"Green is also associated with nature."
"I rest my case," I said, then threw my half eaten apple at my sister's face. It missed. It hit her boob. I guess it's tender, because she screamed, and fell over, clutching her boob. How freaking lame. Reason number three why I will never have kids.
The kid--Justin--then walked up to my sister and pulled her hair. That would be reason number two. Reason number one is when they leave a little "gift" in their diaper. I do believe that I could associate that with green, because it doesn't smell good at all.
I walked out of the room and into the bathroom. It was huge, with walls that were white wood on the top half and a gold fur fabric on the bottom half. The floor was white tiles. The counter that held a sink was a cherry red wood with golden countertops. It had a white sink with golden faucets. The toilet was white with a red seat cover, and a gold fabric cover on the lid. There was a woven golden basket with a red ribbon on the top of the toilet, which held three rolls of toilet paper. There was also a fancy golden toilet paper holder next to the toilet, next to a gold colored garbage basket. In the cabinet under the sink was a bunch of shampoos, soaps, and conditioners, ranging from different purposes and different sents. The mirrror was huge, and was outlined by a red ribbon. There was a hamper of woven gold wood, the same color as the basket on the toilet paper and the garbage can. Across from the hamper was a towel rack, with towels ranging of different sizes, but all either white, gold, or red. There were three sized and three piles of each. The sizes were the very small ones, a little less than a square foot. The next size was about three by two feet, and the next and largest was six by four feet. There were always five of each color piled neatly for each size. The shower was also huge. It was white and gold with a red curtain. It held three shampoos, three conditioners, three different shower gels, two bars of soaps, and many other things, like razors and shave cream.
I just took a piss then washed my hands, using the lily sented soap, and left.
In the game room, my sister was playing some kid game with the little kid, with Sarah watching in complete adoration. Barf. So, naturally, I wanted to get away and hide in my room. So I did.
In my room, I looked through all of my clothes in my ridiculously large closet. I got bored, so I called Gina.
She answered on the third ring, with her annoyingly perky "Hey, D!"
"You sound pissed. Everything okay?"
"My sister is here with Sarah and Sarah's kid."
"So that would be a no...I'm sorry...want me to come over?"
"Nah, Sarah would take that as an invitation into my room, and then she would bring the kid in here...and you know my rules. My room is a barf-free zone."
She laughed her annoyingly bright laugh, and said, "I'm sorry. I'd invite you over, but you're grounded, right?"
"Why do you ask?"
"Your parents looked totally pissed when they came to get you yesterday...it was scary."
"Meh. They're completely oblivious. They probably already forgot about it."
"Yeah, I guess...what was that about, anyways?"
"I dunno, I guess someone ratted me out that I was with Ryan yesterday."
"Oh, that's shitty...are they making you break up with him then?"
I laughed. "No. They're too dumb to. They still think that me and my sister get along with each other, even though my sister thinks that wearing hats are okay...they don't even realize that I haven't had a decent conversation with her since we were eight."
"Now that is pathetic!"
That's the reason why I talk to this chick. "I know right! So right now I'm just going through my closet...I love it, it's so cool. Walk in closet, and I have a rotating rack. It rotates, isn't that the coolest?!"
"Yeah, I am so jealous!"
"Yeah, I know. Hey, I think my sister wants someting...you know me, can't miss a perfect oppertunity to bag on her!"
"Oh my God, that is so true! Yeah, just call me back later! Love ya, girlie!"
"Yeah, bye." And I hung up. I hate how she has to get all lovey dovey. I mean, ew. Talk about gross.
I never thought my sister wanted anything. Gina was just annoying me. Like she always does. She's just too...happy. It's stupid.
I called Ryan.
I got his voicemail.
Damn you, Ryan.
"Hey, you've reached Ryan. Sorry I can't get to the phone. Leave me a message and I'll call back. Bye," said his sexy voice on his voicemail. It turned that boringly common message into something very sexy and pleasureable to listen to.
Then, using my sluttiest voice possible, I left him a message saying, "Hey, Ryan, you big boy. I've been feeling really lonely today, and I was wondering if you wanted to come over and have a little fun. I was thinking maybe chess, or some Scene It, or maybe something a little more...athletic. Just call me back when you get this. Bye, honey." I then made a kissing noise into the phone and hung up. That's the quickest way to get him to call back.
Then, feeling bored, I just went back to sleep, thinking 'What the hell, why not?' It took me no time at all to find myself in the world of dreams again.
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