Prolog- Life as I knew it
I stared down into her deep blue eyes - the very ones I shared. Hers were far away, lost in some magical land which her mind had created while mine were stuck looking at the horrifying
I still held her hand that had long ago turned cold and limp; it felt so weak and powerless clutched tightly in mine. Not a single tear had fallen from my cheek nor had a single noise escaped from
my clenched throat. Nothing seemed real as I stared deeply into her unseeing eyes.
“Robin…” I heard a sob come from the other side of the bed. I didn’t react and was unable to tear my eyes away from what lay before me. Doing that would mean moving on, and moving on would mean
facing the one thing I was trying to avoid more than anything else.
“Robin…please…look at me.” The person was almost impossible to understand. Her voice was cracking and she was hardly able to speak over the concealed sobs that were trying to rip their way up from
deep inside her chest. My eyes stayed unwavering, my body unmoving, and my mind suspended in a never ceasing limbo.
I heard the sobs from the other side of the sterile bed become closer together and more frantic. I let my eyes travel from the deep blue ones I had been looking into and up to the dark brown ones
that were saturated in tears.
My older sister was holding a tissue up to her face trying to stop her never-ending flow of tears. I saw her looking down despondently at they body that lay between us. I bit my lower lip, trying
to hold back tears that threatened to spill from my eyes.
I felt a hand touch my shoulder in unwanted sympathy. A low, calculated voice spoke from behind me. “How old are you two? Is there anyone we can call?” his worried tone was annoying me. I wanted to
be alone; couldn’t he see that?
“W-well…” My sister started but was unable to finish when the sobs once again over took her body. I saw a white robed nurse come over and put an arm around her while someone else got her a chair to
sit in. I loved my sister, but at that moment I hated her for her weakness. I wanted her to get up, wipe her eyes and take charge.
As I watched her convulse with sobs on that chair, though, I knew I would once again not be getting what I wished for most in the world.
“There is no one.” I said in a flat voice. The small sentence strained my clenched throat but it felt good saying what I had been thinking since that little beeping machine had held out one
I saw the surprise on everyone face. I wasn’t sure if it was my announcement that had shocked them or the fact I had spoken at all. “Sweetie…” a curly red haired nurse said softly. I realized she
had been the one to help my sister. “Anyone at all…an aunt or uncle perhaps…?” she was speaking slowly like I was dumb. I looked right into her eyes, giving her a death glare.
“There. Is. No one.” I said slowly, starting to get aggravated. I wanted to scream at these doctors for failing.
I wanted them to pay for letting my mother die.
They all swerved their heads around to look at my broken sister. I fumed that they had not believed me and needed confirmation from a person who was obviously incapable of anything at the moment.
My sister was able to give a slight nod of her head before she once again doubled over with hopeless cries.
“Well…um…” the tall doctor who had his hand on my shoulder stuttered. I pushed his hand off of me and spun around to face him.
“I told you. There is no one. We’re alone.” I said between clenched teeth.
“Sweetie…” I heard my sister say. I turned my head to face her as she looked up at me. Her eyes glistened with tears and her face was a deep red unlike its normal fair color.
“Please…don’t be mean…they’re just trying to help,” she said in a hoarse whisper.
I blinked once at her, and then exploded.
“How do you know!? How do you think we’re going to pay for everything? Moms dead and your falling apart Jessica!” I screamed at the top of my lungs. I couldn’t believe she was sticking up for the
people who had let my mother die.
She leaned over and started sobbing again while the tall doctor pulled me out of the room and into the white hallway. I was still screaming at Jessica; I was cursing her for not being here with me
when mom flat lined, for leaving home, for never coming back until now.
The doctor leaned down so his face was level with mine. I looked right through him as he fruitlessly attempted to make me feel better. I blocked him out and along with him everything else; the
moans from other rooms of the dying, my sister’s uncontrollable sobs, and the curly haired nurse asking me if I wanted something to eat or drink.
I’m an expert at blocking things out. I did it every time my mother came home drunk or high and started sprouting nonsense. Ever since I was little if I didn’t want to hear or see something I
blocked it out and thought of my most favorite memory.
That’s what I did now, with this fool doctor trying to comfort me and everyone in this infernal hospital showing me unwanted pity.
I felt my eyes glass over as I thought back to a time before life had taken a turn for the worse.
“Come here baby.” My mother said, her arms open. I climbed into them and sat on her lap as she rocked the rocking chair back and forth. I laid my head against her chest and let the rocking
“Mama,” I mumbled sleepily, “Can you tell me a story?” I could feel my mother’s chuckle when the rise and fall of her chest had a slight hitch.
“Of course.” She said in a quiet, sweet voice. I opened my eyes and looked up at her as she turned her head and grabbed the big storybook of the counter. I snuggled closer to her as she cracked
the pages of the book and began to read, “Once Upon A Time…”
“Miss?” a new voice broke me out of my trance. I cursed the voice for making the sweet memory fade away and I looked angrily up at the body the voice was connected to. Expecting to see another
white robed doctor, I was surprised to see a tall, well-groomed lady in a suit. She was dark-skinned and her black hair was pulled up on top of her head in a smart bun. She loomed over me and her
gaze was piercing. She gave me a look of incredible condescension. I met her dark brown almost black eyes with the same look.
“Yes, Ma’am?” I said making the ma’am sarcastic; sarcasm was one of the few things I had learned from my worthless sister.
She leaned down so she was eye level with me. He lips were pursed and she had the appearance of just having eaten a lemon. “Are you Amber Black?” she said, her tone light but her eyes stony.
Unwilling to play her games I nodded my head once in response, never breaking the stare. “Ah, good then.” Her smile was sickeningly sweet.
“Excuse me? Who are you?” I heard the curly haired nurse say from behind me. I wondered what she was still doing here as I had made it quite clear I didn’t want her around.
“I am Ms. Dana Purdy from Child Protective Services. I’m here to take Miss Black.” She said calmly straightening up. The nurse’s eyes went wide and scrambled between the two of us.
“Oh, well, do you have any identification?” she asked, her face flushed. The Ms. Purdy held out some sort of ID card and some papers. The nurse stared at items for a few moments before continuing,
“Well…um…yes. Of course.”
I looked between them for a second before frantically shouting, “Jess! Jess come here!” I felt my heart speed up when no answer came.
“Your sister…well she left awhile ago Hun.” The nurse said, bending down. I looked blankly at her, wondering why everyone assumed I wouldn’t be able to hear unless they bent down to my level.
“You’re lying.” I said calmly. The nurse looked taken aback and straightened her spine before I had a chance to continue.
“Take her.” The nurse said before turning briskly on a heel. I felt someone grab my arm and I started struggling on an instinct.
“Let go! Jess!” I started shouting hysterically. I felt a hand cover up my mouth, turning my cries into muffled moans.
“I’m not going to hurt you but you need to quiet down! This is a hospital, didn’t your mother teach you any manners?” Mrs. Purdy scolded. I stopped fighting and looked ahead where I could see the
room where my mother’s dead body lay. There was a single, white sheet covering her form.
The only part of her I could see was a lock of her long, golden hair.
I stopped in my tracks and cried my heart out.
© Copyright 2016 Raven Hazlewood. All rights reserved.