I wake up to the bright sunlight shining on my face. Ugh the stupid sun, it may feel nice some days but today it's just ridiculous. How can it be so nice outside the day I'm going to breakup with Raymond. It upsets me to do so but I know I have to do it, I seen him kissing a stupid slut. After the kiss I watched him grab her arm and pull her onto the porch, where they grabbed at each other before running inside.
I know he cheated on me with a slut, andI know who she is. Who am I kidding more than half the school knows who she is, especially the guys she's "helped". Although he cheated on me with Emelie it still hurts to think I have to breakup with him. Why would he do that to me? Ya he didn't think I would find out and all but still.
His actions from last night make me wonder how long he's been cheating on me. We have been dating for four almost five months now. Of course what makes me most confused is that Raymond and I agreed not to have sex until we got to our fifth month. It was going to be a special night for us he was going to be my first and I his. I'm just kidding, we agreed not until later when we we're sure both of us a ready.
My anger at him is growing, so much that I think breaking up with him will be easy. Anger is an emotion that I get along with really well, I've used it to my advantage it the past. Anger is what gets my creative and devilish sides to awaken. Most of the time I try my best to hold it at bay, but I'm not very good at that. Today I'm glad for not being able to do that.
I give myself over to my devilish side willingly. Today will be a day Raymond will remember for two reasons; one because I'm breaking up with him and two he's going to realize he made a big mistake. My mind is filling with ideas of how I can make that happen. Sitting on my bed I look at my walk-in closet as a smile fit for a devil spreads across my face.
Alright I have a plan but here's where I get into trouble; I don't know what to where for it. Normally I'm not one that worries, much less cares, about what I wear. Today is different though, I have to wear the right thing or my plan won't work out as well as I want. I wish I could call someone and get their help choosing, but I don't have a girl to help me. My group of friends isn't a mix of girls and boys, like most. My friends are all guys.
Something I know about the guys is they can't help at a time like this, well not yet anyway. I'll have to choose the right outfit, hairstyle, and makeup. It's actually fun to do this only because it's time Raymond know how stupid he is. Believe me I wish I would have known he was like every other guy on the planet; he was looking for what they all want. He wanted sex or a cover so he could sneak around with girls to have sex.
"I know exactly what to wear. He will definitely regret the day he thought he would get away with pulling something like that over my eyes."
Jumping up off my bed, I cross to where my walk-in closet is. I only know what I have to where because Raymond always told me he liked my legs. What he didn't tell me was if he liked seeing my piercing, but today he will. Lucky for me my school doesn't have a dress code. If it did I'd have to find a different outfit that's more appropriate.
Of course my outfit isn't really bad, it just shows some skin. I don't think it's enough for people to thinkI'm slutty, but I've been wrong before. The outfit I chose is a dark denim mini with a strapless fire-red belly shirt. The shirt has these thin pieces of fabric that hang down, closing the open gap between shirt and skirt. They still allow my navel piercing to be shown, which is good.
Shoes. They're hard to choose, I can where almost any pair I own. I could where tall or short ones, the ones in between too. It's also possible to wear heels or flats. It's so hard to decide, I'll decide after I do my hair and makeup, starting with makeup.
Choosing the right makeup can be just as hard as choosing clothes and shoes. I slowly sink down onto my bed. I need to think, and I have to be comfortable to do so. Thinking of makeup somehow makes me remember that Raymond loved my weirdness or uniqueness, whatever. It's not like it matters, other than the fact that it gave me an amazing idea. My makeup will express that I'm both weird and amazing.
I decide to do a little thing like a smokey eye but I change it up a bit. I choose a bright, eye-catching red for my eyelid. Next I choose a soft red, and for my final colour I choose a dark burgundy-brown. I know it's weird,the makeup, but it does two things for me. The first is it brings out my soft, brown eyes and secondly it is unique like me. I choose blood red for my lip colour. I wear it almost every day.
My hair, should I leave it down? Or should I do something fancy with it? I thought choosing the right outfit was hard enough, but I stand corrected. Choosing my hairstyle is the hardest. Only because I like it both up and down, even half up and half down. There are so many possibilities, but after about ten or more minutes I reach a decision. I leave it alone. My wavy, dark brown hair is just past the middle of my back, and it looks great that way! Now back to the shoes.
"shiit! I'm going to be late, and I still haven't decided on a pair of shoes yet." I pause thoughtfully. "screw it! I'll where my sneakers, I like them."
I grab my converse and rush down the stairs. I can faintly hear my mom telling me I need to eat breakfast, and watch my language. I'm tempted to shout back and tell her I care anddon't have time, but I don't. In the kitchen is my brother, who just so happens to be holding a granola bar. I snag it and keep running. He protests but soon starts laughing. I can still hear his laughter as I grab my bag, which was by the door, and run out of there.
Please don't be gone, please don't be gone. I think as I run onto the driveway, my bare feet slamming into the pavement.
"my money!" I yell as I turn to go back inside.
"you're gonna miss your bus, Kiki."
"whatever, Toby. I don't care, I forgot my money. Which I need today." I tell him.
"you're stupid." he announces blandly.
I don't argue, there's no point. I'm his older sister and no matter what he'll se me as stupid. Instead I continue running. When I reach my room, I see the money on my dresser. I grab it and a small heart pendant necklace and rush back outside.
Just as I step out of the house I can see the bus pulling to a stop. Relief washes over me, I didn't miss it even though I was running late. The bus driver greets me with a small nod and I smile. She's a nice person that everyone just forgets to be nice to. Walking down the aisle I hear the starting of whispers and sniggers. It's because I'm not wearing my shoes. I sit down in the back with my friends.
"hey Kiwi, did you forget something? Or do you just want to show as much skin as you can?" a guy asks.
I start to lunge at him, but Cam grabs my wrist and sits me down. He whispers to me "it's not worth it. Do you really want to get kicked off the bus and have to walk, again?"
"fine, I'll try to be nice." I reply.
"it's probably the second option. You love showing skin. Not as much as you love how those guys throw themselves at you though." the same guy says.
"she does love it, we know it. She's a slut!" a second guy chimes in.
"I know she loves showing skin. But what I don't know is how much she costs."
"I don't know, but you wouldn't want her anyways."
"why not? I think I do want her, I mean look at her body. It's nice, with those curves and her nice chest. It's not too big or too small, I want her."
"no you don't. She's let in some stuff that's greasy! You don't wanna go in where she's let in the greasy. Plus she's probably too rough."
"really? I don't care, look at her. I bet she's number one in pickings. Bet she's a big pleasure."
"ugh baby. Oh I like that. Ugh, stop. Please, baby, stop, you're so rough." the second guy moans.
"I like it rough! So Kiwi, how much do you cost? If I get lonely I'll call you. But I need to know how much you cost so I can save up. So tell me, how much do you cost?" the first guy asks.
"too much! You would never be able to get enough money! You're a worthless piece of shit that belongs in a dump, where you're out of everyone's sight! I've had it with your stupid, uncalled for comments." I say as I tackle him.
"oh baby, I didn't know you'd wanna do it in public. But it's ok I get it, I'm just so hard to resist." he says.
"I said I've had it with your comments. Now shut up or I'll shut you up!" I say viciously.
"oh baby, that's right. You are rough, but I like it! Your am-". He says.
"I warned you!" I say cutting him off.
By that I mean I wrap my hands around his neck and start squeezing, so I cut off his air supply. I lean in, talking low by his ear. I ask him "you have something to say about me?"
He nods his head so I squeeze harder until he shakes his head.
"good! Do you wanna live?" I ask in much the same way.
"if you wanna live you'll do what I say, understand?" after he nods his head I continue "ok when I release my grip I don't want to hear you're voice for the rest of the day, understand."
He nods and I release my grip, just as promised. He starts gasping for air immediately.
"are you ok?" his talking buddy asks.
Before getting up I whisper to the guy I tackled "remember our deal, and if anyone asks what happened you tell them you said some things you shouldn't have."
As I get up off the bus floor I kiss the guys forehead, leaving a blood coloured lip print. "I'm sorry. We hit a bump and I wasn't sitting properly so I flew out of the seat and landed on you. I hope you're ok. Are you?"
He give a thumbs up at the same time his friend shouts "you've gotta be kidding me!"
"what?" I ask innocently.
"no one is going to believe..." he trails off as I glare at him. He continues "no one is going to believe we just met the kindest person in the world, but we did."
"Awww, thanks. I really am sorry I landed on your friend. And your so nice to say I'm kind. I'm glad we got to meet and become acquaintances" I say sweetly with a smile before returning to my seat.
Me and the guys start quietly laughing. Soon enough we can't keep our laughter quiet though. The bus driver looks at us questionably in the mirror.
"that was a hilarious joke, Nick." I say loud enough so that the bus driver stops looking at us.
We can't have the bus driver knowing anything. I would rather not have to walk to school the rest of the week, it's only Monday today. Walking to school for the whole week would be horrid. The only thing that would make it bearable would be if Cam, Nick, Niall, Jack, or Justin were walking with me.
Walking to school alone sucks. Plus it makes me miss out on gossip I hear on the bus and the guys talk. I hate showing up and they're talking about something that they have to fill me in on. I absolutely hate it, and they know it. Which is why they tease me about it.
"after choking that kid I'm in a great mood. Breaking up with Raymond is going to be simple." I tell the guys.
"wait. Rewind, when did you decide to breakup with that snob?" Justin asks me.
"hey, haven't you been trying to find a way to do that for weeks?" Niall asks.
"no she's been trying since after the first day!" Jack says.
"Jack your wrong, she's been trying since the first day." Nick jumps in.
"you're all wrong, she's dumping him because she's got her eyes on someone new. She got bored of the rich ass, he doesn't understand her." Cam tells them.
They argue for a few minutes. They're all so deeply involved in the argument that they don't even realize I'm not saying anything. They're stupid, they fail, they're random, they're not perfect, so in other words they're just like me. Except they're guys and I'm not. It's funny to sit back and listen to them argue when none of them are right, but at the same time none of them are wrong, with some exceptions.
Turning to me they all ask "so who's right?"
I laugh, I can't help it. They're idiots, they were arguing for about twenty minutes before they decided to ask me. Ok I might be over exaggerating the time frame, but still. They all look at me, confused of course.
"actually, now that you guys mention it, it's true. I have been looking for a way out of this relationship for a while. I was bored when I started dating him, a small part of me also wondered about how it feels to be a snob. Let me tell you it's ridiculous, they make fun of people for no reason other than they can and are able to get out of trouble because of their money. I've hated these past few months, but I knew I wouldn't be able to get out if I didn't have a good reason. But now I have a good reason, I found it last night." I say.
They all stare at me, silently questioning me. They want to know the reason. "I caught him cheating on me. With Emelie of all people. Ugh, it disgusts me."
"wow. What a lying, cheating, ungrateful, bastard. He had an amazing girl and he's gonna lose her because he was stupid." Cam said. He has a girlfriend so he knows what to say.
"thanks Cam, but let me guess you didnt say that from your own head."
"hey, just because I have a girlfriend doesn't mean i say the stuff she does. I'm capable of saying things like that. But yes you're right, she was on the phone with a friend when she said it."
"speaking of your girl, when do I get to meet her. I need a friend that's not a guy. Plus I could've used her help this morning, maybe I wouldn't have been running late again."
"you'll meet her, just be patient will ya?" he asks.
"no I will not be patient nor do I have patience, I thought y'all knew that."
"we know. We know believe me, we know." Justin says.
"we're almost at school." Nick points out.
"ya so?" I ask.
"so, u sure you don't wanna put them shoes on?" Niall asks.
"oh right." I blush, what can I say I'm embarrassed I forgot about the converse in my hand.
"look, even after all these years Niall can still make Kiki blush." Justin says. "Awww isn't that sweet, I wonder if the rest of us can too."
Without intending to I shiver when Justin's hand brushes against my cheek. He was moving my hair away from my face to help me see better. I'm grateful that no one saw it, they would tease me even more. It's already bad enough I blushed at Niall's words. Of course that's because I was embarrassed, but the guys would never see it that way. I cant help but shiver under Justin's touch, his hands are cold and unfamiliar. Unfamiliar because he's new to the group. Don't get me wrong I'm not afraid of him, I could easily fight him. Not sure if I could win, but I could fight. Plus he's good looking, with his longish brown hair, deep blue eyes, strong build, nice smile, the tattoo we share. It's weird but we have the same tattoo, his on his left shoulder and mine on my right. The tattoo is of a fire in the centre of a ring. On my other shoulder I have a tat of a tree in the centre of a ring.
The tattoos may seem a little odd to some people, but to me they mean a lot. Not many people seem to understand that people that have tattoos have reasons or meanings behind them. The tattoo on my right shoulder, to me, means courage, bravery, freedom, controlled fear, and that I'm able to handle myself. The tattoo on my left shoulder means peace, calm, relaxing, and natural. The rings around them simply mean that they are the centre of my being. The left, the tree, is simply what I was and still can be. The fire is what I became and am, now.
The fire is my favorite tattoo. I find it really describes how i came to be me and who I am. It also reminds me I can be free and no one can hold me back. No one can tell me I'm not brave or courageous. They can try but good luck getting me to believe that. The fire is what I am while the tree is what I was as a kid. I grew up, I changed. The burning tree that I have on my lower back, some may call it a tramp stamp, is a combination of the tree and fire.
I got a burning tree tat because I am strong enough to stand my ground even well I'm burning. I'm strong enough to make it through Hell and still stand. The tree is ever-burning just like the obstacles of life are always thrown at me trying to make me crash and burn. I will fight, fight for anything that needs to be fought for.
Justin has asked me what tats I have before. All I told him was they're the ones you see. Of course I never wore any belly shirts until today so I know later I'll have to explain why I lied. Truth be told, I don't know why I lied to him; it's not like I have anything to hide. I only have the three tattoos, and I know it's stupid but they all relate to one another. The before, the now, and the always. It sounds ridiculous that all my tats are made up of the same symbols and stuff but they do have different meanings. It's also ridiculous to hide them, I'm not ashamed of them.
The bus will soon pull into the school parking lot. That means I get to breakup with Raymond and then life will be good. Of course I've been living in my mind for the past couple of minutes that I still haven't put my shoes on and tied them yet. Why can't I be normal for once and not live inside my head. Because I have yet to do anything with my shoes Justin is still holding back my hair. Quickly I put my shoes on.
"thanks." I smile awkwardly up at Justin as he let's my hair drop from his fingers.
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