its been only a year know that my mom left me with my dad but the memory is still so painful i caint sleep that well at night she gave us no warning i dont know why she did what she did.all i know is that i came back from school and saw my dad crying in the living room ive never seen my dad cry before so it was really freaky. he told me that mom left i dident understand why would she do that. then of course i began to question wither my dad had been faithfull to my mom.she wouldent just leave us for no reason.she wasent like that. i tried calling her she answered and told me never to call her again.i hung up the phone and started to cry she was never coming back.then of course came the guilty feeling i started blaming myself but know i realize i couldent do taht any more i dident make that disecon.and even thought i dont blame myself im still angry and bitter i dont want to be left alone thats my greatest fear of being left in the street with no one to help or look after you.
ONE YEAR LATER
my dad assures me that he wouldent leave me but i constantly get these dreams of dieing all alone i end up waking around midnight screaming out loud.but then of course i remind myself that its not going to happen.but littel did i know that the very next day my own father would ship me away to another country. i woke up with a stiff neck and my back is killing me i groan from the pain i had another stupid dream again last night its the same dream every night i wish it could just stop.i hear some one walking around in the living room i think its my dad i caint be sure he was acting weird last night he was very quiet which is very rare.i tried talking to him but nothing seemed to make him in a cheery mood so i just left to go to my room.
i decide to get up and go have breakfast i wonder if my dad will talk today it be nice i dont like it up in my room my bedroom is in the basement and just before my mom left i had insisted that i have my room up stairs but mom said no and when she says that theres no piont in arguing.my dad has a suit case i look at him curiously i wonder if hes going some where.
'' dad why do you have a suit case'' i ask
'' julia theres something i need to tell you'' dad says
'' what'' i ask
'' you caint stay here anymore so im sending you to your aunts house up in england'' dad says
i just look at my father in shock and horror i know realize that he too is abonding me i know its nothing like what my mom did but i thought that my father like he promised would never leave me .i guess im wrong but even so i caint seem to be able to pick up my suit case i can only look at him and pray that this is some night mare one that i would wake up from and return to reality but heck this is reality.i realize that im froze in one spot my father is staring at me i can see hes try hard not to cry.then i think i want to scream but what could that help.
'' so your leaving me too just like mom'' i say
'' hunny its nothing like taht i have a reason i just caint tell you but youll understand once your older'' dad says
'' that doest make since dad im not six anymore just fucking tell me the truth why are you sending me away'' i ask
'' i caint tell you its something you have to find out on your own and i know you dont understand but you will later i promise'' dad says
i just stare at him the one person i thought i could trust is now a complete stranger im even beging to hate him why should i be happy about this cause i shouldent.
'' i just want to make it clear that i hate you and i hope i never see you again'' i say
'' im so sorry hunny'' dad says
'' dont call me that i dont know you anymore just tell me where to go and ill be gone forever'' i say
'' i got you a train ticket'' dad says
'' thanks alot dad'' i say sarcasticlly
with that i dont even let him offer me a ride the train station is at least twenty minutets by foot but i dont care id rather walk then spend time in a car with a stranger.its a littel bit chilly outside but the sun is coming out i know realize that i have tears going down my face i angrly swip my tears away i dont want to cry but i caint help it im scared alone.now i know i caint trust any one. from what i know so far is taht my dad is sending me away to my aunt linda i dont even know her i never ment her.from what i know about her apperantly she has ocd.great thanks alot dad hes shipping me away to england but know i have to live with a crazy person with ocd.i shake my head in disgust i dont care if its a stupid disorder or what ever i dont want to go to england and i espically dont want to live with aunt linda.
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