Billy Threesheds (was having one of those days...)

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic

A verse with a contradiction in every line ...

One day in the middle of the night
Two dead boys got up to fight
Back to back they faced each other
Drew their swords and shot each other. Try it ... not as easy as it looks ...here's my effort ...

Billy Threesheds

(was having one of those days...)

 

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On a cold winter’s morning in the middle of May,

Just after midnight when the sun lights up the day,

Young Billy Threesheds booted up in stocking feet

And ran like the devil as he ambled down his street.

*

Twitchy young Bill marched through his closed front door

And kicked off his boots as his shoes hit the floor.

He raced up the stairs of their detached bungalow

To his bedroom at the back that looked down over the road.

*

Billy was a boy with a fast growing chest

That worried him a lot but he couldn’t care less

Cos his Mam once blurted out with her mouth firmly shut,

That his Dad would use her girdle to push out his growing gut.

*

Early on a Wednesday as the sun began to set,

Carefree young Bill continued desperately to fret

About the girl next door who lived across the road

As she hollered and waved in her silent morse code.

*

You see Jenny McTavish much preferred the name of John,

She grew her golden hair short and before much too long

Had discovered to her shock that when she stood up for a winkle,

That Bill and her had much in common as she seemed to have a dinkle!

*

Now Bill thought long and hard for a second or three,

As he sat upon the loo waiting for himself to wee,

That if Jenny stands up while he’s sitting down,

Cripes, I’m a girl! he thought, as his brow smiled a frown.

*

Thirty years later in a lifetime now long gone,

Bill became Betty and Jenny’s now a John,

Forever spent together and separated by miles

They lived their lives apart always by each other’s side.

*

Their love ran as deep as a river in a drought,

As the still rapids raged they knew beyond any doubt

That in Jenny’s shrinking tummy grew the key to love and laughter,

So begins this tale of Betty and John and their happy ever after.

 

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Submitted: July 22, 2012

© Copyright 2023 Richmaggs. All rights reserved.

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Comments

Insane Membrane

some funny lines in here i love the ' worried him a lot but he couldn't careless '.

Sun, July 22nd, 2012 4:30pm

Murnit

You were right! It did make me laugh and what a clever piece! Well done
M x

Sun, July 22nd, 2012 5:47pm

Mentis Cibum

Haha That's great. :3

Sun, July 22nd, 2012 5:49pm

Awaneesh Shukla

that's beautiful poetry, it has humor and deep emotions balanced in a wonderful way, lovely :)

Mon, July 23rd, 2012 12:17am

Stormbird Throneshaker

This was galiantly great!

Mon, July 23rd, 2012 1:31am

Mike Stevens

A fabulous longish short poem; very clever!

Mon, July 23rd, 2012 5:32pm

BITSxOFxKINKY

gave ma a smile and chuckles ... but peeing differently dosnt always mean gender change .. just old age and i whisper ... woman can pee standing it just takes practise giggle and im not xplaining that one its far to many years ago when i was a young lady

Mon, July 23rd, 2012 6:12pm

brucek

totally cute from beginning to end. well done. so what if the world is confusing!? as long as i'm entertained!

Tue, July 24th, 2012 3:57am

Darklady

wow this is not a poem lol this is a tale and I loved reading it, well written and it has some funny verses, the flow is extraordinary and the story great !!

Tue, July 24th, 2012 11:59am

ladygothicka

Love it, absolutely great.

Tue, July 24th, 2012 5:06pm

meriddle

I liked it. I was so hoping the very first ditty wasn't going to be the formal poem. (2 boys got up to fight.......) The formal poem to me has a deeper meaning than the whimsical nature of this piece. It's good.

Wed, July 25th, 2012 6:42pm

ashi17

Wow full of entertaining, really enjoyed reading that, keep writing and amazing your readers...... :)

Thu, July 26th, 2012 3:02pm

Wilbur

Sweeeet, RichMaggs! What a lot of fun you had - and consequently, all your readers have had!
You ask for tweaks, as I note them, so I oblige.
General rule: It's possible to leave out a lot of words that prose would ask for and still make the sense you intend - i.e. in the 1st verse: 'On a cold winter's morning in the middle of May, just after midnight as the sun lit the day, Young Billy Threehed booted up stocking feet, and ran like the devil, ambling down the street.'

If you get what I mean (and I'm suggesting I haven't been clear, not that you aren't getting it), check the other verses to see what can be left out that makes the rhythm rock more smoothly - e.g. " had discovered to her shock when she stood for a winkle, what she
and Bill have not in common is that she has a dinkle." -- " In a lifetime long gone, Bill became Betty and Jenny's now John"

As to the last verse, same principle: "In Jenny's shrinking belly grew love and laughter, thus starts a sad tale: John and Betty's Happy Ever After."

Or some such. You can leave out "that" and "now" and
"to his bedroom at back looking down o'er the road" kind of thing.

Is that helpful? More to the point, is it clear?
But all that aside, this is a romp, a playful funny fun to read slap-stick comic writing that's joyous and leaves readers smiling! That's the big thing, Richmaggs. This is out in the sunlight for sure and it makes me happy on about three levels!
\
So good on you! Keep it up!

Many warm regards, Connie

Thu, July 26th, 2012 5:53pm

GuiltyPleasure

Awww.. i think that takes talent.. thoroughly enjoyed.. felt silly too.. young Bill should be an x-man to walk through the closed door,, (or a very tiny insect... lolz)... pure entertainment!!! :)

Mon, July 30th, 2012 10:02am

ZenWater

Very nicely composed. I particularly like the way it makes the reader feel initially confused (I did anyway) but then we come to understand the purpose. Much the same way that the characters did as do the people that go through this problem. I look forward to more in the future.

Sun, August 5th, 2012 8:54pm

Ian Dawn

nice job mate its such a great story to have first up on a friday morning

Thu, August 9th, 2012 9:33pm

SkinDeep

haha, very funny. I'm impressed that you could keep that up for the entire poem!

Mon, February 4th, 2013 11:30pm

ElizaZenith

Fabulous poem. Really light-hearted and enjoyable. Brilliant.

Fri, March 1st, 2013 8:12pm

Mars McGann

Eee lad. Am a northerner me sen, like. Spent most of me yoof down t'mine while me ma and pa cooked me tripe for me tea. Lived int middle of the road int snow and owt. It were shite. Anyway, nice poem. Bloody suvvenners!!

Mon, August 12th, 2013 6:07pm

Mars McGann

Eh??

Mon, August 12th, 2013 6:08pm

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