I'd Rather be Dead Than Alive

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Gay and Lesbian  |  House: Booksie Classic

Chi attempted suicide. His mom died when he was 3, his dad abuses him. He's also gay. He has a boyfriend, but he wasn't enough to keep Chi living. He then wakes up in a hospital and is promised a better life. Will things get better?

Chapter 1 (v.1) - I'd Rather be Dead Than Alive

Submitted: March 03, 2012

Reads: 359

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Submitted: March 03, 2012



I'd Rather be Dead Than Alive

Yep...another one. 

This is the second time writing this chapter lol. I was working on the first chapter then later on the home button on my iPod decides to get stuck. And that's the most important button on the iPod touch. So I went and exchanged it and when I plugged the new iPod into the computer...it seems there was no backup for my iPod. So I lost any current chapters I was writing. So I'm writing it again lol. 

Here we go! :D


I down about half of the pills in a family size pain-killer medication bottle. 

I've had enough of this stupid thing we call life. They say life has it's ups and downs; but almost my whole life have been down. 

My mom died when I was 3. Dad was nice for a while, but when I turned 8 he started coming home drunk and abusing me. Every single fucking day he would. 

He's almost killed multiple times; but he would stop right before he does because he wants me to suffer. To live life longer so he can do the same the next day. 

I'm pretty sure he broke one of my ribs yesterday. I have a major pain in my chest, and it hurts to breathe. But it's possible that it's just my emotions. I am majorly depressed right now. 

I wonder how dad will react when he comes home and finds me dead? Will he be angry that he can't torture me anymore? Will he suddenly realize what he's been doing to me? I'll never know. 

I lay down on my bed to just let the pills take over. I still have about 10 minutes before they start to work. 

I still remember when I came out that I was gay to the school. All friends abandoned me and I started getting bullied, both mentally and physically. 

One day I met an amazing guy who eventually became my boyfriend. He doesn't go to my school though. So he can't protect me there. And he knows about me being abused but dads banned him from the house and dad will kill him if he set foot on the property. 

I love him. But it doesn't seem to be enough to stop me from this depression. I self-harm every night after my beatings to help me forget all that's happening. I have scars all the way up my arms and legs from cutting myself. 

I just want to get off this damn hell they call Earth. Earth is just a cover up for hell. That's what I believe anyway. 

I can feel myself slip away from my body. I close my eyes and I just let myself die. 





What's that beeping noise? Where am I?

I move around a little and I notice I'm in a bed that's not mine. Am I still alive? No! It can't be true! I was supposed to die! Nobody was supposed to find me!

I slowly open my eyes and I bring my hand up when the bright light blinds me. 

I look around the room. Heart monitor thing...my boyfriend...everything's pretty much white...yep I'm in the hospital...of course. 

I look at my boyfriend again and I notice he's sleeping. His green hair covering half his face. He looks so peaceful when he's sleeping, but you can tell he's worried. 

\"Tsu?\" I call out to him. That's his name

\"Hmm?\" he sits up and rubs his eyes. He rubs his then opens them; as soon as he sees me his eyes widen. \"Chi you're awake! Thank goodness.\" he jumps up and hugs me tightly. 

\"Why am I alive?\" I whisper. \"Why am I still on this fucking hell!?\"

\"What?\" he backs up and has his hands on my shoulders. \"I saved you. I managed to find you in time.\"

\"You weren't supposed to!\" I yell at him. \"I was supposed to die!\"

\"Why? Why do you want to die!?\"

\"I've had enough of this life! I'm tired of being abused every single fucking day! I'm tired of being bullied at school! I'm tired of nearly dying by my fathers hands every day and him never getting me medical attention! He just leaves me there to suffer! I've had enough of it.\" I end in a whisper. 

\"Chi...\" he says quietly. 

\"And you don't even try to help me! The only times you're at my house is when you pick me up for stuff, and you don't even get out of the car!\"

\"Chi! Shut up! I know I haven't been very helpful. But I'm trying to figure out something to get you away from this type of life!\"


The doctor chooses that moment to walk in. 

\"No more yelling you two. We are in a hospital you know.\"

\"Sorry.\" Tsu says. 

The doctor. Then he turns to me. \"Hello Chi. I'm Dr. Carr. Could you tell me why you tried to commit suicide?\"

I just stare at him. 

\"Ok then. I already heard everything anyway.\"

I tense up. 

\"I could hear you two down the hall.\"

\"Oh.\" I try to sit up and a sharp pain goes through my chest. 

\"Woah. You shouldn't try to sit up. You have a broken rib and it punctured your lung.\"

I sigh. Guess I was right. 

\"I can tell you never got any medical attention. Many of your bones have healed wrong.\"

\"Every time he broke a bone I just made a makeshift cast to try to get it to heal correctly.\"

\"Hmm, well a lot of them aren't. We're gonna have to rebreak them and put a proper cast on to get them to heal correctly.\"

\"I understand.\" 

\"Ok.\" he smiles. 

\"So when can I get out of here?\"

\"Maybe a week? But then we need to put you into a mental hospital to get the suicidal thoughts out of your head.\"

\"No! I'm not going back there!\"

\"You were there before?\"

\"Let's just say this wasn't the first time I tried to kill myself.\"


  \"But no way in hell will I go back there! I wanted to kill myself just I could get out of there! Plus if you send me there, I'm just gonna attempt suicide again as soon as I get out. Unless you guys can take all the bullying and abuse I don't want to live.\"

\"Well, it's impossible to get rid of all the bullying, but transferring to a different school will help a lot.\"

\"Yeah, maybe you could go to my school.\" Tsu pitches in. 

\"How do they treat you there? You said you were openly gay.\" I ask. 

\"I'm actually one of the most popular kids there. When I came out, it didn't affect my reputation at all. They just shrugged it off saying, 'I knew it.'\"

\"Wow. But what about my father?\"

\"We can get him arrested for child abuse. We have lots of proof, just look at all the injuries you have.\"

I nod. \"Ok.\"

The doctor gives one last nod and walks out. A minute later the door opens again revealing my dad. 

\"Dad? What're you doing here?\" I ask him. 

\"You don't think I wanna see how my son is doing? Why'd you try to kill yourself huh?\"

I just glare at him. 

\"Don't give me that kind of look. Or am I gonna have to punish you tonight?\"

I smile slightly. \"Punish me? What more can you do to me? Actually kill me? Go ahead! I don't give a fuck anymore.\"

\"Chi...\" Tsu tries to say. 

\"You already beat me to almost death every night. I am failing in school because of you. We rarely have food in the house that you allow me to eat. If you don't want me, why don't you just put me in foster care or just go ahead and kill me so you don't have to take care of me anymore.\"

I can tell he's getting angrier and angrier. Then some police officers walk in. 

\"Sir,\" one of them says to my dad, \"I'm gonna have to arrest you for child abuse.\"

\"Child abuse?\" he smirkes. \"What proof do you have?\"

The police officer points at me. 

\"He'd just clumsy!\"

\"He admitted you abuse him every night.\"

\"He was lying!\"

\"And we just heard your conversation.\"

His face falls and they drag him out. 

\"Wow.\" I say. 


Woo there's the first chapter lol. It kind of seems like it'll be a short story doesn't it? Idk. 

I'm kind of happy I rewrote it cuz I added more in the beginning this time around. 

Do you guys like it?


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