Today brought a large disappointment - I was turned down for the Masters in Music Therapy. I immediately felt a crushing sense of failure and misery, closely followed by an overwhelming need to go to the mosque and find peace. I showered and then walked straight to the mosque and sat in the corner with my books.
The peace I felt was amazing - like coming home to a warm house after a long day. Before I knew it, I'd spent two hours in the mosque reading and it was time for prayer. I was very lucky that three sisters and four children came to the mosque (as well as the men!), so I wasn't completely alone in my prayer and I could copy their movements, even though I could not remember any of the surahs or prayer words. It felt amazing to be praying with my sisters, especially as I needed that sense of solidarity. It was my first prayer in the mosque since my Shahadah and it felt so beautiful, although I didn't much like the abaya that was provided! Bit large for me haha - next time I think I'll wear a skirt!
With that in mind, I am proud to say that I have ordered myself some new skirts! They're in pretty plain colours - two black and one red - but they should suffice to cover my legs and so forth, meaning that I don't have to pray in a dress that's over my jeans and under two jumpers! It's all right for now but I don't think it will quite work all the time, so insha'Allah my skirts arrive soon - I will go into the city on Monday to see if I can find some more, but hopefully my new skirts will arrive soon. Dresses aren't really my thing anyway - I own four including my wedding dress!
I prayed the Maghrib prayer and will shortly pray the Isha prayer, plus the Sunnah prayers afterwards, and I feel a bit better for it, but I do worry that Allah swt does not hear my prayers. I know that this is just Shaytan trying to lead me away from the right path, so I will pray doubly hard and hopefully Shaytan's whisperings will not affect me too much. Insha'Allah the Isha prayer will be better, although I think the floor needs a good hoovering tomorrow! That and a good tidy-up, but I think that's a job for a whole day rather than an evening!
Tomorrow will be once again devoted to study as well as tidying up, and obviously praying as well. I will also be going through my things and deciding what needs to go to charity and what I can keep, as I don't need everything that I have and there are many people who will benefit from the clothes and other things that I don't need or want. After that I will probably relax with some television or write some poetry - oh and of course I will update you on my day!
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