Today is the first day all month when I haven't had to go somewhere or do something that requires going somewhere, so I thought I would take time to reflect on what I have learned so far. I know people will probably think "Well what could you learn in 5 days" but trust me, these last 5 days have basically been like a crash course in finding out about myself. It's like intensive therapy, it really is - and I've been on a massive rollercoaster ride.
One major thing I have learnt about myself is that I am beautiful both with and without the hijab. I can be beautiful on the inside and the outside, and I don't need to slap makeup onto my face or wear provocative clothing to be a beautiful person. Whilst the hijab keeps my beauty hidden from men whose eyes would be drawn to one place only, it does not make me any less attractive to my fiancé, nor does it make me any less of a person. In fact, it makes me more aware of myself and how my beauty is not for everyone to see.
I have also learnt that I am not as simple as I've tried to make myself out to be. I am actually a very complex person with many facets to my belief system. For example, I have taken some aspects of Christianity (the sanctity of marriage), some aspects of Buddhism (the belief in reincarnation and karma), some aspects of paganism (the Threefold law, karma, many of their more moral beliefs such as treating others as you want to be treated, and the herb lore, crystal lore and some spell work) and even some aspects of Islam too (keeping oneself modestly dressed, believing in the oneness of God, the idea that Mohammed, Jesus and Moses etc were Prophets of God, halal meat and no alcohol).
My belief system has become enriched and far more diverse than I could ever have imagined it becoming. When I was in secondary school and experiencing bullying, all sense of faith deserted me. I didn't believe in anything or anyone - to me, God was someone to be hated and pushed aside because I couldn't see how a supposedly merciful God could send such trials my way. Now I realise that actually God visited those trials upon me to teach me some vital life lessons, which I will list below.
So, whilst I will not be converting to Islam, I have taken a great deal from it. This experience has taught me that I am not the person that I thought I was - I am a creation of God and I am a good person. My belief system is made up of elements from different religions, and that is not a bad thing. That is a good thing because I can teach my children to have a broad belief system and that they do not have to fit a certain mould. Religion, like life, is there to be enjoyed and its diversity shows that.
I will continue on my journey with the hijab, and I hope that my journey continues to be as happy, fulfilling, peaceful and informative as the last 5 days have been.
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