I’m sitting in my kitchen at the table. Highway Don’t Care by Tim McGraw is blaring in the background. I have an open beer sitting in front of me that I haven’t even touched. I took one drink out of it and now it’s just sitting there. I’m sure by now its room temperature and not good.
I stand up and walk over to the sink. I pour out the beer and walk into the living room. I collapse onto the couch. I lean forward and put my head in my hands. Why can’t she see how much I love her and how much this is killing me?
I know my Mom told me to give her some more time but I don’t know if I can. I just want her to come over. I don’t want to fix her, like she thinks I do. I just want to love her like she’s never been loved before.
I lean back and let out a loud sigh. I miss her. That day keeps playing over and over again in my head. It’s on a continuous loop. I want to change the ending so badly but I can’t. My Mom kept telling me that I need to let her come to me, that I need to not force it.
I hear a knock on the door and slowly make my way over to the door. My heart doesn’t stop anymore when I hear a knock. Every time it’s not her. I open the door.
“Hi.” Laina says. I feel my heart stop. Please tell me this is real, that this isn’t a dream.
“Hi.” I say back.
“Can I come in?” She asks and I nod. I let her inside and we walk over to the living room. I turn toward her. We stare at each other for a long time.
“I’m broken. I’m damaged. Thomas killed me. I really loved him and when he left me it killed me.” She says. “You are the first person I’ve been with since him and I don’t know. This is just so confusing and it’s new and great and I’m just scared that when it stops being new you’re just going to…” She stops. We both pause. “When I came over and saw Tiffany was here…” She again stops. “I just assumed you were going to leave me and I got really scared and I just ran. I didn’t want to get hurt again because I’m not sure I can do it again.”
She pauses and stares right at me. I can see the tears in her eyes. She was crying before she got here. I can see it. She does love me and she does want to be with me. If she didn’t she wouldn’t be here.
“I love you Richard. I really do but Thomas really fucked me up. I am starting to fall in love with you and it seriously scares the hell out of me. Then Tiffany showed up and then you told me you loved me and your letter…” She trails off.
“You got my letter?” I ask. She nods.
“It was beautiful. I’ve never had anyone say things like that to me.” She again pauses. “I really really don’t want to get hurt again. I know I wouldn’t be able to go through it again.” Her eyes fill up with tears and one falls down her face. “I love you. I want to be with you. Please don’t leave me.” I take a step toward her.
“Come here.” I say while pulling her into me. “I’m not going anywhere.” I whisper into her ear. We break from the hug and I place my hands on the sides of her face. “I promise.” I kiss her and we hold it for a few seconds. I’m so glad she came back. I feel whole again. The ache in my chest just disappeared. This is where I belong, here with her.
© Copyright 2016 Ryin Kelsin. All rights reserved.
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