~Breathe - Taylor Swift~
As soon as i shut that door behind me, tears instantly started to fill in my eyes. I can't believe what i'm doing right now. I don't want to believe what i'm doing right now. But it's what's best for us at the moment. He and Selena will be happy together without me in their lives. Justin will get over me.
Or do i?
Maybe i don't want him to get over me. Maybe i want him to continue loving me even when i'm out of his life. Maybe i want him to feel terrible for all of this. No, that's kinda cruel. But i DO want to know that SOMEONE still loves me after this. Someone other than my mom. What Justin and i hav- had was very special. I loved- love him more than i've ever loved another guy. As much as i want to get over him, i have a feeling it's going to be almost impossible.
"You ready to go?" Mom asked me as soon as i was in eye view of her. I nodded, afraid that if i spoke i would start crying hysterically. I have a feeling mom could sense that. She quickly grabbed her purse from her seat and walked over to give Pattie a hug. After their quick embrace, Pattie pulled me in.
"I know you guys aren't getting along too well right now," she said, "But still feel free to come over anytime."
I pulled out of her arms then. I faked and smile and nodded, agreeing to something i know i wouldn't do. I wouldn't be able to go over there if Justin and i aren't friends. That would just be too awkward and tempting to forgive him. No, that wasn't going to happen. At least not any time soon. Maybe when we get used to not being around each other. I don't know.
Mom and i said out final goodbyes and walked out of the hospital to the car. I opened the door and slipped in, buckling my seat belt. Mom did the same. She started up the car and slowly pulled out of the parking lot and onto the busy street. As we drove away, i looked back over my shoulder to take one last glance at the hospital, allowing a single tear to roll down my cheek. That's it. There goes my friendship with Justin. Everything, all those years that we spent together, all gone. It all means nothing now. It's over. We're over.
I turned back around in my seat, wiping my tears. I looked out the window, hoping Mom didn't see me cry. I got comfortable in my seat and reached to turn on the radio. The last thing i needed at the moment was silence. Silence meant time to think about stuff. Time to think about stuff means i get depressed. Which would not be good.
I put it on the pop station, then, before actually waiting to hear which song it was, turned back to the window. When i DID realize what song was playing, more tears rolled down my cheeks. It was Crush by David Archuleta.
When we finally arrived home, i quickly got out of the car and ran up the front stairs and into the house. I quickly slipped my shoes off and jacket and ran up to my room, closing the door behind me, hoping to not be disturbed for the rest of the night.
I hung my purse on one of the handles on my dresser and lay down in bed. I looked around my room. It was clean, no close or dishes to be seen. The blood stain on my closet door was still present, reminding me of my horrendous past. I closed my eyes tight, trying to forget the pain, the agony, i went through. I guess i'm going to have to get used to this though. Since i won't be going over to Justin's house anymore, i'll be in my room a lot more often. Great.
Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep...
I was awaken by my alarm clock. I groaned and rolled over, tugging my pillow up over my head. Having more than a week off then coming back to waking up at six thirty in the morning is harder than i thought it would be. It's difficult to get back into the routine, but i suppose i have no choice.
I groggily sat up in bed and threw the covers off of me, revealing my pink polka dot pajama pants rolled up to my knees and my white tank top rolled up at the hem. I slowly stood up and walked over to my dresser. I opened my bottom drawer to find some jeans. As i did so, some dead rose pedals fell into the drawer. I smiled and plucked them out, setting them on top of my dresser. It still amazed me how just one rose, or even just a pedal from it, can make me smile. I need to find out who's sending me these so i can marry them. Ha.
I pulled out a pair of off-white skinny jeans and slipped them on swiftly. Then i walked over to my closet, trying to ignore the blood stain and picked out a grey, white, and black cheetah printed tank top.And since i can't wear just plain old tank tops to school (and since it's winter) i slipped on a grey hoodie that read "I Love Hate You" on the back off to the side. I also picked out a dark grey scarf and a black beanie. I actually think i stole this beanie from Justin a while back. Oh well. It looks good on me. Whatever. There. I'm good to go. The only problem is my jacket's in the wash. Dammit. Oh well. I'll be inside all day anyways. I'll manage.
I slowly walked off into the bathroom and did my business. I slipped the beanie off and curled my hair a bit. After i was done i walked downstairs to see.. well, no one there. It was just me. Mom was probably at work, Troy most likely sleeping still. I decided to skip breakfast today anyways. I didn't have an apatite today. I don't know why. I just didn't.
By the time i was completely ready to leave it was about seven thirty. Perfect timing. I slipped on my grey Vans sneakers and grabbed my purse and bag. I opened the door and stepped out into the cold. I walked over to my car and unlocked it. I had only been out there for about ten seconds, literally, and my hands and feet were already starting to feel numb. Damn. Now i really wished i had my jacket. Ugh.
I got the car unlocked and got in and buckled up. I quickly started up the car and turned on the heat. It took a few minutes to warm up a bit, but it happened eventually. I slowly pulled out of the driveway and was off to school.
I soon arrived at the school. I pulled into the parking lot to find people still staring at me. Damn. Are you serious? This is all Selena's fault. That damn bitch. I looked away, not meeting eye contact with anyone else. I pulled into my usual parking spot and got out, swiftly swinging my bags over my shoulder, still struggling not to meet eye contact with ANYONE.
I luckily succeeded.
I walked on the path up to the school. As soon as i entered, i noticed that there were no more flyer advertising my "slut-ish" ways. Thank God. I wonder if Selena got in trouble for it. I hope she did. She can rot in hell for all i care. but i don't think they give you a death penalty for spreading false (well, kinda) rumors. Damn it.
I walked over to my locker, opened it, put my stuff away, got out what i needed, the usual. You know. Just as i was closing the door, the bell rang. Again, perfect timing. I walked off, down the hall, to my first period class, biology, which would usually be with Justin.But since he was still in the hospital for his idiotic fail, he won't be here until tomorrow. Which, i'm not exactly sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. I mean, i don't want him to come back so i can be even more tempted to forgive him and be his friend again and continue with our secret "benefits"... but on the other hand, i don't know how long i can go without seeing those perfect brown eyes, that amazing smile, that luscious hair.. Oh my god. Snap out of it, Nina. You can NOT keep doing this. Ugh.
I sluggishly walked into biology and took my seat. And of course, no one wanted to sit with me. I was alone. At least for this period. At least i get next period with Lauren and Sarah. Hopefully they won't ignore me too today.
I happened to glance over at Selena who was staring at me from the corner of her eye and chatting with the head cheerleader. She would tell her something, then they would both look over at me. Great. I can't imagine what she's telling her about me. I don't even want to know.
The teacher walked in and sat down at the desk in the front of the room. He immediately wrote the say's agenda up on the board -Attendance, read over pages 215-217, class discussion- and sat back down. He looked around the room once, meeting eye contact with me. He smiled and i faked one in reply. He then picked up some papers off his desk and asked everyone to quiet down. Everyone obeyed. Then he started calling off names on the attendance list.
"Alejandra Knaus," he said.
"Here," she replied.
"Here," i replied.
Some guys from behind me pretended to cough a few times, adding the would slut somewhere in there.
"That's enough," the teacher warned him, glaring in his direction. The kid quickly shut up. I knew i always liked this teacher.
He continued calling out names. I kinda dozed off into my own world every once in a while. Until i was suddenly drew back to reality.
"Justin Bieber," the teacher called out, waiting for Justin to reply with a 'here.'
But it never came.
"Has anyone seen Justin?" he asked, looking at me specifically.
"He's... he's in-" i started to say, but was soon cut off but the classroom door opening. Everyone turned their attention to the man walking in. I recognized him. I think he worked in the front office. I think. Not sure. But it doesn't really matter.
He handed the teacher a note, then left.
The teacher ready the note, raised his eyebrows a bit, shaking his head, then crossed something out on the paper.
"Umm.. Justin Bieber is no longer going to be here," he informed us. What?
"Why?" everyone asked him.
He sighed, "He.."
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