The Tale of Sir Bebbsington
Once upon a time, in a far, far away kingdom known as the Kingdom of the Far Hills…
There was a brave knight.Tall and scrawny he towered over the people of the time.His hair was so short that it was nye impossible to tell what color it truly was.This knight was so brave that
he chose to fight without armor, humbly claiming that it was far to loose on him and was a nuisance.His name is Sir Bebbsington.Like all good knight’s our hero had a brave and valiant steed that he
affectionately called Star (who happened to be the last surviving unicorn).The brave knight often rode bareback.You see at the moment our hero was enduring financial hardships due to the new
knighthood tax enacted by the Progressive party controlled Council of the Land.This new tax placed a heavy burden on the knights who were not wealthy but were still in the knighthood
class.Fortunately he had not yet reached the level of Hero on the tax chart or he would be financially raped.
You have certainly heard of Sir Bebbsington and of many of his brave exploits.However, this tale is by far his greatest act of heroism.Well, one night, as fate would have it, Sir Bebbsington
was leaving a tavern.He looked to the stars.A little known fact about Sir Bebbsington is that he is a lover.He was constantly in search of his one true love.At times he wondered if the answer lay
in the heavens.This was one of those times.Depressed he sighed and continued on.It seemed to him at the time that he was never meant to love.It is at this point in the story that the Skyline gods
(reference to Skyline Chili a local chili chain in southern Ohio, if you’ve had it you know why it’s worshiped as the gods here) intervened, as they often do to help mankind and change the course
of history in favor of what is good and right.
Sir Bebbsington was riding Star alongside a creek on his way home. Sir Bebbsington was hardly paying attention for Star knew the way home and he need not bother himself with such trifle
things as paying attention while riding his unicorn, his very manly unicorn as Sir Bebbsington was always quick to point out.Once again, Sir Bebbsington was staring at the stars, however this time
he gazed on their reflections in the creek.It is at this time that he discovered a glass bottle floating along the near shore.Sir Bebbsington ignored the will of the Skyline gods and continued on
his way trying to forget about the bottle.However, the gods are ever persistent and they would have their way.The bottle floated alongside Sir Bebbsington all the way back to his house.Finally Sir
“Alas.Why do the gods torture me with such trivial things as litter in this creek?Aye, so the creek is under my protection being as how I am the knight of this town, but for the sake of the
gods’ is not Clevelandchester littered enough that mine conscience would allow me to over look this trifle object.”
When Sir Bebbsington scooped the bottle out of the creek he discovered that inside of it was a letter.He hurriedly opened the bottle.The letter smelled of the sweetest perfume known to
man.The hand writing was clearly that of a woman.
“The gods be praised!! For they have delivered unto me this letter, surely one of love.Ah and the smell, the letters so exquisitely formed.The lady that wrote this must be a goddess,
certainly she must at least be the fairest maiden to ever grace this earth or any of the other surrounding heavenly spheres,” Sir Bebbsington proclaimed.In response Star looked up and then
proceeded to urinate for the next five minutes as horses/unicorns often do.Unfazed by the urine splashing into the straw wall in his hut and seeping inside onto his bed Sir Bebbsington attempted to
read the letter, “Alas, why have the gods forsaken me.The daylight is gone and I shall not be able to read of this fair maiden’s love for me until the morrow.”
Sir Bebbsington sulked into his house only to discover that he had received a gift from the Mayor of Clevelandchester.He had been give ten wax candles.After an hour of pain staking work Sir
Bebbsington finally was able to successfully light one of the candles.He shouted triumphantly which in turn blew out the candle.It would be four hours, three successfully lit and then blown out
candles later before Sir Bebbsington was able to calm himself down enough to only jump around excitedly in success instead of shouting.The jumping did not blow out any candles and our hero was at
long last able to hear of his quest.The letter he received goes as follows.
Dear Brave Knight,
My name is Lady Julia.I am the prisoner of an evil witch and her ogre.I was captured several months ago and have been locked up in the highest tower of their castle.I know not of my location,
but a brave knight should not despair.Please save me my love.Whoever you are, wherever you are know that I love you and will be forever faithful to you.
Sir Bebbsington fell in love once again.He immediately set forth to Castle Hampton in order that he might receive leave from the Great King Peter in order to pursue his quest.In order to
And so our hero rode forth, and this how his adventure begins.
© Copyright 2016 Simon Mabee. All rights reserved.