Chapter 6: Zombie Email

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic

Reads: 1511
Comments: 1

Carl Kolchak Talks About Zombie Email

altZombie emails - they wait in the shadows of our inbox, hell bent on leaping out with deadly intent to consume our brains! Yes, I'm talking about chain emails that take on an undead life of their own. Sweeping across the ether, they seek to spread their infectious content and transform the masses into conforming minions. At times I wonder about the true nature of the message contained in these living dead emails. What are some of the unintended things the author communicates when they express their opinion to the public about a volatile issue? Like a snake in grass, a perfect example of multiple messages manifested itself in one those ubiquitous emails that I, along with numerous other people on a lengthy CC list, fell prey to an ambush of our senses after its sneak attack from the inbox.

No one truly knows where these zombie emails originate from. Perhaps these transmissions of opinions are the result of an ejaculatory emission shot forth into the void of space from an extraterrestrial entity like a pulsar. After its immaculate conception with the Internet, the so called pearl of wisdom bounces from recipient to recipient, sometimes spreading to new victims to satiate its voracious appetite to inform the uniformed. Other times, the message reaches the ears of an uncivilized savage and meets with an untimely demise.

Regardless of the source, the zombie email comes into being with a big bang when some infinitely wise deity decides to impart their knowledge upon a slew of recipients, expressing how they feel some matter should be handled. It's not sufficient that we are graced with their grand thoughts. Oh no! That simply wouldn't contain the proper level of pomposity. So, to really drive the point home, a true master of the universe will add something clever to demonstrate their superiority complex. Using my trusty Paparazzi camera, I captured undeniable proof of an inflated zombie ego after a horrifying encounter with a rampaging undead message. The photo clearly shows a superiority complex message embodied in an actively circulating zombie chain email:


Pomposity - the perfect word for describing the message in the graphic above. “Plebeian drones, listen to me now, but dare ye not open your noise-holes, lest I raise my hand in anger and smack you good. Know this - plebeian drones are meant to be seen, not heard, so keep those pedestrian traps shut and accept my wisdom without question!” Ah, the Internet, a boiling sea of people who wish to speak but care not to listen.

Submitted: November 28, 2009

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Add Your Comments:


Helena Parris

I am sick, sick unto death, of chain emails. And I get them from the nicest people, so I can't hit the Reply button and shriek in all caps: QUIT SENDING ME CARTOONS OF DANCING HAMSTERS AND TELLING ME TO FORWARD THIS TO TEN FUTURE EX-FRIENDS FOR GOOD LUCK. I DON'T EVEN HAVE TEN PEOPLE IN MY IN-BOX AS IT IS, I DON'T WANT TO FRIGHTEN THEM AWAY.

Thu, December 17th, 2009 3:54am


Indeed! The emails have an "unlife" of their own. No matter how many times you try to cut the scourge off at the source, the zombie emails spring up like weeds. Hahahaha! True enough, the zombie emails would definitely send people running from the in-box. :)


Wed, December 23rd, 2009 12:21pm

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