Back to the same nauseating smells and green linoleum hallways, but I didn’t care where I was tonight. Wherever I laid my head I would be stuck thinking about what I heard. I would think about my son being homosexual.
I shook my head in disbelief. I couldn’t imagine him doing those things.
Not my son, I thought but I guess the devil could tempt any child.
When I felt like this, there was only one thing I could do and that was pray. I didn’t want to get on my knees on this hospital floor so I laid in bed and closed my eyes. Clasping my fists together I began talking to the Lord.
“Lord, its your servant and I need help from you. My family is in turmoil and I need you to be a watchful eye and protect them. Lord I need you to..” I was about to pour my heart out to the only person that I knew cared, when I heard the door open.
Opening my eyes I saw Terry.
“Momma” he said coming over to my bed
“Did you forget something” I asked un-clasping my hands and sitting myself up right in the hospital bed.
“Yes ma’am, I wanna explain what you heard Momma” Terry said finally looking at me in my eyes.
He walked closer to my bed side.
“Terry please don’t tell me what I heard was true. Are you gay son?” I came right out and asked him. I wasn’t much for beating around the bush.
His head dropped to the floor.
“Did you hear me ask you a question?” He was a grown man but I taught him better. He was to speak his mind and answer me when I spoke to him. I was still his Mother.
I sat straight up in my bed awaiting a reply. A few seconds past before he began to speak.
He lifted his head and explained what the conversation was about.
“No, ma’am. I-I I’m not gay” he stammered as he whispered the words to me as if he were ashamed or scared someone would hear.
“But what you heard was from the stuff that happened when I was lock-locked up” Terry continued to whisper.
I digested his words as I looked into his eyes. I didn’t think about it but maybe my baby was raped. My hands flew to cover my mouth as I gasped in horror at the shop.
“Baby were you raped?” I asked him now feeling more apologetic.
That has to be the reason for all this, I quickly convinced myself.
“No ma’am.” He said squashing my fleeting hopes.
“I did some things in prison that I’m not proud of Momma. But I went to prison because I didn’t stand up as a man and take care of business. I was too afraid of people being mad at me. I gotta tell you the truth” Terry told me looking straight into my eyes.
He looked so much like his father that sometimes it scared me. His smooth complexion and eyes were that of his dad, but Terrance Senior would be rolling in his grave if he found out his oldest son had done these things.
Ye cast the first stone, popped up in my head. I know that it wasn’t a coincidence that I thought of that bible scripture. God was trying to tell me something.
“So yes, I’m sorry you had to hear it that way Momma but yes I have done some things I am not proud of but I don’t want a man. I love my wife and I’m going to be a good husband and daddy. Just like my Daddy would want me to be” Terry said choking up. Starring in his face I saw tears falling from his eyes.
I couldn’t stand to see my babies cry.
“Come here son, let me pray with you” I told him as I stretched my hands to him.
I took his hands and continued to talk to the Lord as I had before he came in.
“Lord, please take my son and cleanse him of his sins. You said do not judge your brother or sister or we shall be judged in heaven. Well Lord, I don’t want to disobey you. Lord I ask that you stretch out your hands and touch my son. He’s my son but he is ultimately your child Lord and I…” I was about to really pour out my heart to the Lord when a loud burst of music filled the room.....
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© Copyright 2017 Solae Dehvine. All rights reserved.
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