Bryce asked me “Fine.” I said “Really?” He asked “Yeah.” I said and Bryce nodded. Caylee had his dog tags in her right hand. “Those are mine Cay.” He said and she giggled. Bryce picked her up and put them on her and I took a picture of that. He lifted her up in the air and spun around making her giggle. “Mom is right.” Bryce said “What?” I asked “It’s hard to be sad around these two.” He said “Where is Cat?” I asked getting up and saw her holding on to the gate trying to stand up and I giggled “Honey, not yet.” I said picking her up and she babbles.
My mom comes in and smiles “Somebody is fussy.” She said “Trying to stand up.” Caitlin bounces on my arms and I smiled at her. “Autumn wouldn’t have want us to be so depressed. She was an amazing girl, full of life.” My mom said “I know mom.” I said and she smiled at me “These girls won’t let us be sad will they?” She asked “No ma’am.” I said and she smiled at me.
At the wake service I had Caylee and Caitlin on my hips and I walk up to the casket. “Autumn, you were an amazing little sister. I will never forget you.” I said looking down at her sweet face, she was beautiful. Luke came up and hugged me and the girls and Caitlin held out her arms for him, “Come here.” He said holding her “I can’t stay. I wanted to see how my girls were doing?” He asked “We’re fine. Thank you for coming.” I said and he kissed my lips, he stayed for a few minutes and then left.
Lyndsey came with her family and Caylee held out her arms for Lyndsey and she placed her on her hip. “I’m sticking this out with you.” Lyndsey said and I gave her a half-smile “Thanks Lynds.” I said and she smiled at me. “She was like a little sister to me, the life of the party.” Lyndsey said and I smiled at her. She kissed Caylee’s cheek and Caylee giggled. Many friends of Autumn’s, our family, and teachers came to pay their respect. Bryce was wearing his army uniform like he had to since it was a funeral.
The next day after the funeral service we had our family over and close friends. I escaped the crowd with the girls and placed them in the baby swings we had in the play set and started pushing them. I had to go back to school tomorrow, and it’s hard. Landon is the most stressed about walking in the halls where a murdered was who killed his little sister. Bryce was leaving tomorrow to go back to South Korea. He was only home for this and then the Red Cross was flying him back out to finish up his tour.
The next morning after spending all week at home, I had all of my school work caught up and in my backpack. I got the girls dressed up in their clothes and in their high chairs. They had their bottles, finished it and then I gave them their baby food. They had more teeth now; I’m slowly getting them off of their bottles and onto baby food and soft food. I fixed them some oatmeal and after it cooled down I gave them some oatmeal. My mom came in dressed up in her work clothes and smiled “Have a good day.” She said “You too mom.” I said and she smiled at me, “Summer, let’s go.” I said “Coming. Bye mom.” Summer said and she smiled at her.
I got the girls in their car seats in the car and went to daycare. I got them out and carried them into the day care. “I’m sorry for your loss.” Miss Mary said “Thank you.” I said and walked back out. I went into my homeroom and pulled out all my makeup work and turned it in, it was the same for my first two classes and now its lunch time. We took tests in both classes so I have no homework for over the weekend. At lunch everybody carried on normal conversations and I zoned out like normal.
After school I went to my appointment with Charlie, I made it the other day for today. “What’s going on Kelsey?” Charlie asked “The Daytona Middle school shooting.” I said “Did you know somebody?” Charlie asked me “Yeah, my little sister.” I said “She was one of the eight. An innocent twelve year old happy going little girl. She loved life, she would help out with the girls, and she would play with the girls. Now my girls will have to grow up without knowing their Aunt Autumn. Missing out on an amazing girl. She will never date, never finish middle school, won’t attend high school. All over some sicko.” I said “My mom is a wreck but tries hiding it. My dad is focusing on work, to forget about it. Landon is a nervous wreck, he jumps at the slightest sound, and he blames himself. Summer is a dramatic drama queen, crying over it. Bryce came home and was the calm but sad one. I on the other hand have to be the one sane one, the strong one. I cry at night when nobody can see and during the day I’m as strong as I can be. Caitlin and Caylee are helping because it’s hard to be depressed around them.” I said “I refuse to let my girls see me a nervous wreck; they need me to be strong. My little brother and sister needs me to be strong. My mom needs me, my dad needs me.” I said. “What’s going to happen when I go to college? I can’t be there to pick up the pieces.” I said “How does that make you feel?” Charlie asked “Stressed. Because I have to do what’s right for me and then I have to do what’s right for my girls and then my family.” I said “I did great on my SATs, I’m having Straight A’s like I have had all my life.” I said “College should be a breeze.” Charlie said “a breeze? I will have two, one year olds.” I said and he nodded.
It’s December 24th and we’re at home with our huge Christmas Tree up. We have Christmas decorations up on the tree and outside. We have milk and cookies out for Santa so the girls will know about him. They got their pictures taken with Santa although they didn’t like that. This will be a half-way perfect first Christmas for them. Molly is in North Carolina with her family, Aubrey is in Miami Beach with her dad, Lyndsey is in Colorado with her family for Christmas. I have the girls in their Christmas dresses and a Christmas headband on their head.
I got in the car and pulled up at Chance’s, they were having their Christmas here with them tonight. I was leaving for a couple of hours, Gavin was not there and I trust them. I have Luke’s gift in the car and I was going to see him. “I will be back in two hours.” I said kissing the girls good-bye “No worries Kels.” Chance said and I smiled at him “I’m gone.” I said going to my car and driving away. I was a nervous wreck about leaving them but like Charlie told me last week I have to trust Chance, trust his family and come around when Gavin isn’t here.
I pull up to Luke’s and he is on the porch waiting for me with his gift in his hand. I walk up and he kisses me “Here are the girls’ gifts.” Luke said and I walked to put them in the car and sit on the porch swing with him. Luke kissed me on the lips softly “I’m alone you know.” He said “Let’s do something.” I said “Are you safe?” Luke asked me “I’m on the pill, have been for a while.” I said “So we should.” He said “Yeah.” I said and he smiled at me. We went into his room and technically for me I lost my virginity and Luke lost his. He had a condom on for safe measures; I did not need a third kid. I wasn’t even sure if I wanted another kid. We went outside again and exchanged gifts. “I love it.” I said it was a diamond bracelet. “I like my gift Kels.” He said kissing my lips. I returned the kiss “I love you.” I said “I love you too.” Luke said and I smiled my phone was ringing “hello?” I asked “Gavin is coming. You might want to get the girls.” Chance said “I’m on my way.” I said and looked at Luke “my fun is over.” I said.
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