The cutting beings,blood dripping from my wrist and dropping on my bed no tears cause i feel no pain, four long cuts going straight across my wrist no one was home so I was alone.Wiping the blood from my hand with an old T-shirt and threw it in the trash .Started to play illuminati music, started to get addicted to it. Loud music don't know whats with it but its unusual.
My mom started to notice I got worse so she started carrying me to the hospital.I`ve bin seeing a therapist for my problems I started to starve myself not eating .Was hospitalized .
I am going to run away tomorrow to my friends house. Crying when she makes my life worst , Christmas is soon to come and the days aren`t getting better instead worst, I talked to a boy on my phone who was actually my boy friend, the only friend i had she scared him away, no one likes me because of her no boy, that would just make my teenage years go to waste .Thinking bout my future only hurts me more,the pain I would go through friendless lover less I already don't have a family who loves me .My dad use to care but then my mom told him about the mistake and he turned like her my days are not good. I turned to god a year ago and I thought my life would be better but it only got worst drinking rum didn't solve my problems either.
Life...Why does it have values rules she don't care about me why don't she just leave me let me live from my own mistakes I don't care if they even bring me close to my death .Just you trying to prevent me from it is like going through death.
One day you would read this and i hope you would understand .Constantly calling my name i answer and you shout at me telling me to do this and that and the other. I do it and in return instead of you letting me do what ever i got shout at more and slaved doing things for you.
I am now banned from computer use and its not helping the only thing that was helping me was music and my one true friend who understands me more then you,yeah he`s a boy but a boy who understands my pain who told me that I was beautiful not pretty when you didn't tell me it for years I felt like a stupid black ungrateful piece of shit.Unwanted you called me stupid,good for nothing , retarded, ass, worthless and even though you gave me reasons to call you names i only called you one and that name is "Mom".I didn't hurt you when I should or anything like that.
I will leave and i will cry over it but were ever i go at least i would be loved I`ve bin waiting and planning this all in the beginning when it first started my first day of grade 6 could never forget the things you said to me.The day i leave i will leave this same story for you to read Its all about my life believe it or not.Are you serious just to go by a friend I only have two friends and you already scared away one and now the other one you want to take away to.Are you serious crying more no one to talk to not even God so I write them in my stories.
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