"If everyone will follow Donald and myself to that vid com tower over there, I'll get us some directions." I said as I managed to get myself up from the corridor deck and on to my feet.
"Why don't you ask one of these things!" David Jackson blared as he picked up a poor defenseless little creature that was trying to make it's way down the corridor.
"Glart moy wadon sek nad!" the alien croaked as it's hand shot out like a bolt of lightening to choke my brother.
"What did it say, hurry up somebody?" asked David as he began shaking the not so defenseless little creature. "Tell me?"
"It said, put me down right now." Donald answered as he translated for one of the crew members on the ship.
"Oh, well, in that case, if it will release my throat, I might be nice enough to put whatever it is, down." David said as his face began to lose a bit of color.
Naturally of course, David's wife, also known as, my sister in law, Janice, commenced to pounding on the poor thing's back and Alex stepped between them and forcefully removed the alien from David and sat it down on the deck. It then proceeded to kick my brother in his knee caps. David grabbed the being once more by the scruff of it's neck and shoved it up on the wall. I felt for it, having been on that very same wall myself.
"Kavan, wat inauctu toc sevor glart moy wadon sek nad, va murred!" it said heatedly to David and I myself.
"Now do what, twerp?" my brother thundered as he gazed over at Donald for an answer.
"You seem to understand this fur ball, April!" he stormed. "Tell me what it said!"
"David, I guess you don't have one of these." I said as I removed the hearing aid language translator from my left ear and placed it in my brothers left hand while he held the crew member with his right hand, rock solid against the wall.
"David, put him down very gently and make some kind of an apology or else he will have you thrown in the brig!" Alex ordered as he withdrew what appeared to be a weapon from some hidden place on his person.
"Okee dokee, so I stick this here thingy in my ear and---
"And you'll be able to understand everyone aboard this ship." Donald broke in to explain as he gazed upon the weapon that Alex held on David.
"Okay Toto, I'm sorry for having messed up your morning, but somebody has got a lot of splaining to do, Lucy!" David roared. "Because me, and the wife and kids found out that we're not in Kansas anymore, Dorothy!"
"Getting beamed aboard the Enterprise without my consent is not something that I would normally do at . . . twelve fifty-six in the afternoon!" he said after having looked at the time on his watch as he put the alien back on it's feet
Alex Scott moved quickly between David and our fellow crew member.
"Robert, tell King Kong to put his toy pistol away and I may try to be on my best behavior!" my brother ordered as he lowered his hands to his side.
"I'd keep it on him, Alex." Donald said as Yeoman Zaranazi walked up to me from out of the crowd in the corridor and placed a vid com watch in my right hand. "David is not to be trusted until we know differently."
"Thank you, Yeoman." I said as I strapped the watch to my left wrist.
"Natu pron, Kavan, ren." she replied as she glanced at David Jackson, who along with his wife and children, stood there with their mouths wide open.
"I take it that you and the children have your translators?" I asked my sister in law as she still stood there statue like before finally shaking her head yes.
"Yeoman So . . . nosey, I'm unable to understand you right now." I said as I turned my head so that she would see that I didn't have my translator.
"She ahhh, said,no problem, Captain, sir." David said as he lightly tapped my translator that was now in his left ear. "Captain, of who, what, when, where, why, and, how come!"
"I knew it, by golly, I just knew that you, and Donald, and the gorilla here, was in on this little charade!" my brother said as he heated back up and began looing up and down the corridor like a wild man. "Okay Hercules, you can put the gun away and bring out Allen Funt. He did a great job of hiding those cameras. This was good, a really good show, but . . . how . . . did . . . we ... get . . . here?"
David Jackson, born late in fifty-eight, was stumped as he fell into step with Donald April, once we began moving down the corridor in the opposite direction of the alien that tangled with my brother.
"You and my brother do this very often?" he asked Donald, in a more subtile tone of voice.
"Ah hum, do what very often, Dave?" Donald asked as he glanced up at him.
"You know, drug your relatives and friends and drag them to your play house to pretend that everyones on a space ship?" he asked, glancing down at Donald. "I mean, even the little midget in the dog suit done a wiz bang job."
"I wish that it was that plain and simple, but---
"Ohhhhhh, so you really do take off and leave Earth and take joy trips to other planets and stuff . . . like . . . that?" he asked.
"No, David, this isn't my normal type of dream." Donald answered as we neared a vid com tower and not the one further back down the corridor.
"So, you think that your asleep, and are just dreaming this crap up, huh?" David asked as his temper flaired again.
"Maybe I am, and maybe I'm not so quiet for certain." Donald answered. "But, I do know of one thing for a certainty."
"And ah, what would that one thing be?" my brother asked, and I, almost for a certainty, knew what Donald was going to tell him.
"I'm never gonna eat another pizza from Domino's ever again, dead or alive." he answered. "Thats how, and why, you're all here in my nightmare, together."
"No kidding, I'd of never guessed it, that is, if you hadn't of told me." David said as his eyebrows raised and he ran his index finger around his right ear a few times before pointing to my best friend who hadn't seen him, because he was busy at the vid com tower.
"I hope that it's a nightmare." April said while fidgeting with the touch screen on the vid com unit. "What could possibly be any worse than a nightmare?"
"The real thing." his wife Marsha answered, and he turned to face her long enough to give her a smug look before turning back to what he was doing.
"Issac, this is, I would assume, Commander April, of the Orion." he said as he faced the screen.
"Yes, Commander April, how may I be of assistance to you?" said the ships computer.
"What I want, is a print out of the nearest place, from this point, to stuff our faces." he answered as he waited, along with the rest of us.
"Donald, it might not know what you mean by the term, stuff our faces." Marsha April told her husband as she leaned on his left shoulder.
"Your face looks as if it is filled out---
"Yes, yes, yes, eat, consume food, Issac!" Donald stormed at the computer.
"I do not require food to---
"Us . . . dag . . . nab it!" he blasted. "I want to eat and consume---
"Directions being printed, Commander." the computer said.
"Good, great, and ohhh, make sure that it's somewhere without pizza." April added as my brother made goofy faces behind Donalds back.
"Pizza, Commander?" Issac asked. "Pizza does not compute."
"Brother Issac, have you ever got that right." Donald replied as Marsha reached over with her right hand and tore the print out, from the tower.
"I can, in no way, be your broth---
"Issac, that will be all." Marsha said as the two of them turned around to face us.
"Really Donald, this thing about pizza has gotten way out of hand!" she said as she looked the map over. "I ate some, and I haven't suffered any ill effects."
"Ohhh yeah, a nightmare wife would tell her husband that she---
"Ouch Marsha, you stomped on my foot!" he said in a bit of pain as we all waited for what would transpire next. "Call me a nightmare wife will you."
"Well look where your at woman!" Donald roared as he leaned on the vid com tower with his left shoe off, massaging his foot. "We aren't in Disney Land!"
"Okay everyone, which way to the yellow brick road diner in this nut house?" David asked. "Let's find lunch or else my right fist is going to be finding a head to thump!"
"David, did anyone at all on this ship---
"The Love Boat, that's what show we're---
"Did any . . . one . . . on this ship inform you about how you got here and why?" I asked my brother as we followed the others.
"They, or it tried to tell us, but my husband, being Mister Macho, clobbered the poor thing and stuffed it in our closet." Janice Jackson informed me while glancing up at her husband as Donald came hobbling along on his sore foot.
"It was a good fight too." piped up my nephew, David Jonah.
"Hush D.J.!" his mother thundered.
"In your closet?" Donald asked as we walked down another crowded corridor.
"If they were able to escape, they've probably gone for help, along with the other crew member that you pounced." Alexander Scott said from behind us.
I now knew where we were as we began passing through the triple oval air lock doors that led into the round jungle forest.
"Good heavens!" Janice yelped at the sight before her eyes.
"Yep, the Emerald Castle restaurant must be up ahead on this path Dorothy." David said as he gazed up at the tress way above the light tube, that we would learn later on to be, the central core of the ship.
"Maybe we're in Wonder Land instead of Disney Land, Alice." David said to his wife.
"Shut up Ralph!" she blaired.
"Wrong show, this ain't the Honey Mooners!" he stormed.
"I'll vouch for that." Marsha April said as she glared at her husband.
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