The Lost and Lonely
I lost her.
I don’t remember the day,
Or the time.
I just woke up one day,
Only to find,
She was gone.
Her dark thoughts
Though, minuscule at the beginning,
Became unbearable at the end.
The pain started dull, barely there,
Then, as if flowing slowly through her veins,
Like the deep red blood, only darker.
There was no comfort for her,
No cure.
The darkness consumed her entirety.
And I suppose,
I lost her before she was really gone.
Did I really have her at all?
But then the fall came,
And I revisited her cold corpse.
Regrettably, I admitted defeat long before now.
The fading life from fall to winter,
Only reminded me of her own transition.
Animation slowly materializing into mortality.
Looking at her corpse,
I attempted once more,
To bring her back.
One kiss on her cool, black lips,
I showed her a love of the truest affections.
Alas, my last futile attempt had failed.
Somberly, I returned to my previous dwellings.
While, behind me,
There was reincarnation of someone lost.
The process was cumbersome,
It was painful,
Trying to return the light to her soul.
All through the winter months,
My love labored to return.
Slowly, she could feel the life,
Extending throughout her,
Overcoming the darkness that was once her prison,
Until the day she was completely reborn.
The day she came back to me,
I didn’t know what to think,
Of the girl looking back at me.
Her long locks were now short,
She looked as if she had just fought a battle,
But there was no mistaking the rose of her cheeks.
I smiled at her, finally,
Understanding her struggle and strife.
And she smiled back at me,
Through the mirror.
And we vowed to never forget,
The darkness that destroyed her.
The darkness that also gave her the strength to come back to me.
A/N: Okay, this is a little bit different from my normal style. And I will note again that I cannot write poetry to save my life. I'm not sure where this came from, but I had some phrases pop into my head and I had to write this down. Let me know what you think below! Any advice/criticism is appreciated! -Suz
Submitted: April 01, 2015
© Copyright 2023 SuzanneE. All rights reserved.
Comments
For your first attempt at poetry, this has a vivid beauty that you find in the contrasts of light and dark. Losing someone consumed in darkness and trying to find the light so that their soul can be free, this was just beautiful. The only messags i got was that in death, the soul is trapped wandering around, and can only be set free when they are reborn into reincarnation, so that they can live again in the light, and finally be found. I love vivid descriptions and imagery, because it creates the truest emotion in love or death, and i found this haunting.This is poetry of the highest excellence, and beautifully written.
Thu, April 2nd, 2015 4:49pm
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Thanks for the wonderful feedback. Although I mention death and dying a lot in this, it's actually more of a comparison. I'll leave it at that, I'm curious to see if anyone will make the connection that I've hidden between the lines. I'm glad you took the time to read this and I really appreciate your comment (: -Suz
Thu, April 2nd, 2015 10:09am
Interesting and with such depth and complexity it is astounding. This song has a few interpretations for me and it's so interesting to see how the poem itself evolves. Like a caterpillar it methamorphisez into a wonderful butterfly.At first i thought it was a sad departure song, a farewell to someone you loved, as it progressed I saw that it might be longing for someone you long lost a person that was near and dear to you but life has decided to keep you apart. But it didn't hit me until the very last line, the very last word, to soldify a meaning for me. You see, through the entire poem, I felt like there were two lyricall subjects, but in the end it turned out to be just one person. A woman who had lost her way thanks to the harsh reality of time. She longed for what she was and in this song we see that. The woman transformed by the darkness is her near past and the woman she became now is looking back at that past. But she does not shun her away. She doesn't want to forget all the pain she suffered to get to where she is now. She refuses the past to define her but she does not want to forget. Her past is what made her present and it is what shall fromated her future. She finally escaped the binds of darkness and stepped back into the light, fortunately with barely a few scars to remind her of that. Very complex... I loved it!
Thu, April 2nd, 2015 6:02pm
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Jonathan you made my day!!!! Seriously, you explained the meaning behind this poem better than I ever could! You're the first to get what this means (in the way I wrote it). I understand that there's millions of ways people can interpret poems but I'm glad someone deciphered it (: -Suz
Fri, April 3rd, 2015 4:21pm
Oh and the composition is like an hourglass to me lol (I don't know if you meant for it to be like that but it does addd to the song a lot)
Thu, April 2nd, 2015 6:05pm
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I like that metaphor (: -Suz
Fri, April 3rd, 2015 4:22pm
Are you kidding me? This was awesome. Like truly awesome. The way you used your words was... Amazing. Even though in your poem hope did die a lil' but I guess it wasn't lost completely. Maybe the girl harboured some hope....
Well, yep. I love the last lines. Darkness destroyed her but also gave her the strength. That's genius thought. Great job :)
Author
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Thank you so much for reading this, let alone commenting on it! I really appreciate your comment (: -Suz
Fri, April 3rd, 2015 4:22pm
Hey,suz!..Come on,this was just perfect...It was romantic and very lovely, but at the same time a little bit dark. Right?...The poem flowed perfectly and some stanzas were vigorous, which i really liked.Also the title was very interesting and catchy...There was nothing i did not like about this poem,everything was just beautiful and each word was placed in it's write place..And by the way suz, you do just amazing at poetry,believe me, i do really like your poem and i think it's just as wonderful as you sweetie :)....Keep on writing you young writer and wish all the best!!!..-Yulia
Fri, April 3rd, 2015 4:02pm
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Thank you so much Yulia. I haven't dabbled much into poetry, mainly because I never thought I'd be able to do it. I guess the inspiration came along, and if it does again I might attempt again. I liked writing it, but I don't know if I'll pursue it again. Thank you for reading it (: -Suz
Fri, April 3rd, 2015 4:28pm
You are one hell of a poet:) I also write poetry, but not half as good as you. This was ... wow
Fri, April 3rd, 2015 4:15pm
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I can't believe you think it's good. I am not one to write poetry at all, this is actually my first poem. Glad you liked it and thank you for checking it out (: -Suz
Fri, April 3rd, 2015 4:29pm
This is amazing poem for your 1st attempt, SuzzanneE!
Fri, April 3rd, 2015 7:00pm
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Thank you so much! -Suz
Fri, April 3rd, 2015 4:29pm
This is absolutely amazing! Why do you say you can't write poetry, this is not just poetry, it is art! I suggest you write more, and write from within yourself. You had me sucked in very early in the piece. I really do hope you write more.
Fri, April 3rd, 2015 7:31pm
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Thank you so much for commenting. I hadn't planned on continuing with poetry, but I guess we'll see where things take me (: -Suz
Fri, April 3rd, 2015 4:31pm
I usualy dont read poetry but knowing that i loved all your other writing i gave it a look. Thats when i got shocker for once i was able to understand the meaning of a poem i was quite impressed!!!!
Sat, April 4th, 2015 1:32am
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That seems to be my exact same problem with poetry! I'm glad you liked it (: -Suz
Mon, April 6th, 2015 6:52am
A wonderful poem, it started of quite sad for what had happened, when she was revived I even felt a sigh of relief, (I don't handle death too well.) this story I felt in a way proved that no matter what the situation there's always a way through, overall it was a great poem, I admit I can't write poetry myself, I cannot imagine the joy that the character probably felt when she returned.
Sat, April 4th, 2015 7:31am
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Thank you (: -Suz
Mon, April 6th, 2015 6:53am
This was freaking amazing. And I LOVED the style of the poem. It reminded me of the way John Green writes novels: simple, to the point and vividly descriptive. I really really enjoyed reading this.
Sun, April 5th, 2015 3:11pm
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Thank you so much! Not sure I can be compared to John Green haha but I'm glad you liked it! -Suz
Mon, April 6th, 2015 6:54am
this poem was very thought provoking and touching, I loved it
Tue, April 7th, 2015 3:41am
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Thank you (: I'm glad you liked it! -Suz
Mon, April 6th, 2015 8:52pm
Ok, this one...hit me hard. Um, my sister self-harms, so I'm constantly worrying that she might try to kill herself and succeed. For your first ever poem, this one really means something to me. And the ending...well, I hope it ends like that for her, that's all I'm saying. Well, I loved it, and I think that you should carry one writing poems about anything you choose ^_^ like ^_^
Tue, April 7th, 2015 9:01pm
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I feel a bit bad for being happy that you can relate to this. I know a lot of people feel what she felt at the beginning, and although the ending is optimistic, it's definitely not like that for everyone. Thank you so much for reading -Suz
Tue, April 7th, 2015 2:57pm
I am amazed at how this is your first poem and yet it is so wonderfully written. I am sorry for taking so long to get to this. It is truly an awesome piece, and I really loved it. Great job.
Thu, April 9th, 2015 11:48pm
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No problem, we're all busy people (: I understand! Thank you for reading this and giving your input, it means a lot! -Suz
Wed, April 15th, 2015 3:41pm
It was really deep and different. I like it
Fri, April 10th, 2015 9:46am
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I'm going to assume you mean those as good qualities? Haha, thank you! -Suz
Wed, April 15th, 2015 3:42pm
This was beautiful and sad! Very well descripted and detailed. You can't write poetry my butt! Lol. You can tell that the person telling the story in the poetry loved the woman they lost to death and I love this poem, it's wonderful but not too dark either.
Mon, April 20th, 2015 3:35pm
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Thank you, I'm glad you liked it (: This was my first attempt at poetry and I'll be honest I'm not familiar with this type of writing, this just... came to me. Anyway, I just thought I'd point out my intention was for the reader to realize that there is only one character in this poem and there's a metaphor to her "death". Thanks again for reading and commenting! -Suz
Mon, April 20th, 2015 1:38pm
this was awesome I knew from the beginning that there wasn't a girl, like it was the same person but that made it all the better. really powerful and honestly that is how I have been feeling lately so this was really nice to read. I love that she...or you I guess...came back and were reborn it shows us that being happy is possible and that is not always easy. I also really loved how you kissed her black lips to try and bring her back that reminded me of Disney and like loving yourself. this was great I hope you write more poetry youre good at it
Thu, April 23rd, 2015 2:09am
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Thank you. I was inspired by a lot of my own experiences as well as the video that re-triggered these thoughts. I'm really happy you were able to connect and saw the underlying plot (: -Suz
Wed, May 27th, 2015 3:52pm
I loved it. It's great. Were you talking about yourself in this poem?
Sun, April 26th, 2015 7:29am
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Thank you! This was inspired by my past experiences if that's what you mean, yup (: -Suz
Wed, May 27th, 2015 3:52pm
You say you don't often write poetry but wow for someone who thinks they suck at it you sure do write so eloquently and expressively, I loved this I loved the journey it took me through just reading it and the message was amazing. Great work, don't give up on the poetry if you write more like this :)
Sun, July 26th, 2015 11:05pm
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Thank you so much! This piece just seemed to come to me one night, as cliche as it sounds haha, so I'm just waiting for that inspiration to strike again so I can write more -Suz
Fri, November 27th, 2015 10:03amFacebook Comments
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TheHorizonBetweenUs
I was going through the new works and this is what I found and I'm awestruck. THIS WAS EXQUISITE. I think it's just perfect. How she was lost and gone, smothered in the darkness that surrounded her and then the light, the gleam of hope revives her soul and she is back again. I just loved this one. Beautifully written and couldn't be anymore perfect. x
Wed, April 1st, 2015 6:50pmAuthor
Reply
Oh my! Thank you so much!!! I'm so glad you found this! I didn't expect anyone to find it without me pestering them with a reading request. My hope is that at the end, the reader will realize that the girl find herself after she lost herself to the darkness. Anyway, I'm so glad you liked it! Thanks for the awesome review! -Suz
Wed, April 1st, 2015 11:58am