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Comments: 10

It had almost been a week since the apparent evil eyed man appeared in Chloe’s window. Ever since then she had been rather jumpy and sleep deprived.

“Ren, can I sleep with you?” She asked again for the fourth night in a row. I hadn’t heard her ask that since the months after dad died.

I sighed, “Fine, only under the circumstances.” She pouted playfully with her ‘puppy dog‘ face she loves to use on me.

“Chloe, you know my bed isn’t big enough for the both of us anymore.”

“I know.” she groaned, leaving the room to fetch her school clothes for the following day.

Thanksgiving break was officially over in about six hours. Bleh, school. The shower water thudded along the bottom of the tub. In the mirrors, the steam from the heat fogged up the reflection of the young girl I forgot. She was pretty, her short brown hair fell around her face, her bangs layered past her ash coloredeyes. This girl was sixteen and seemingly untroubled. Yet I felt thirty, having the world on my shoulders. At least, Chloe’s world.

A piercing scream echoed through my ears.

“Oh my God, Chloe! Not again!” I threw my shirt back on and rushed down the hall to my room, the still running shower was the last thing on my mind. When I arrived at my room I heard uneven footsteps and the muffled sound of Chloe’s desperate screams. I threw open the door, the man with red eyes was nothing like I had pictured. It wasn’t even a man, it was pure evil hidden in a dead man’s skin. He was sitting on the window sill ready to jump with her.

“Chloe!” His head snapped in my direction. A vicious, soulless grin spread across his face, his red eyes glowing. A unworldly growl erupted from his throat, At that he, leaped from the window, clutching Chloe over his shoulder.

“Renali, help me! Please!” She screamed, begging for mercy. Begging for her life.

I ran to the window. Catching only a glimpse of him as he disappeared into the woods with my baby sister. Anger and fear welled within my every being, I tore down the stairs, tears spilling down my cheeks. Had mom heard what happened? I reached the living room as a snore escaped her lips. Of course not, she’s asleep as she always is! Even when her own daughter gets abducted!

“UGH! What’s wrong with you?” I wailed.

My outburst startled her. “What did I do?”

“Chloe’s gone, She’s gone!”

My mother’s face twisted up in confusion. I ran out the door leaving no time to explain. I had to save her if it was the last thing I did.

The cold November air felt like needles on my face, my legs hurt, and my lungs stung. I couldn’t stop. The only things I could think as I pushed through the brush was; Chloe! What does that vile thing want with her? What is it going to do to her? Other than the crackling of the undergrowth beneath my feet the woods were deathly silent. It was so dark and empty. The feeling of evil lingered in the trees. It was nothing like the times when I went camping with dad. No cricket chirps, no coyote howls, nothing. Something was terribly wrong tonight. Fear started to take the place of my anger as I became more aware of my surroundings. The briar thickened until I couldn’t avoid it all anymore. A root hooked my foot and sent me tumbling onto the wood’s floor.

I had to get up, I had to run after her. I tried to push off the cold rock hard ground but my arms felt heavy, my legs wouldn’t move. Then, everything went black…

Submitted: October 11, 2009

© Copyright 2022 tayadea. All rights reserved.


Add Your Comments:



awesome! i pictured the creature with red eyes in my head. scary. and poor chloe! i love this novel so far. i really like the concept that i assume ur going for which is they are in this normal world right now and soon go to a different, fantasy, bizarre weird world. its great. plz keep me posted on updates. i loves it so much. lol im serious. i dont even know why but i really like it so far. lol u got skillz!!! :)

Mon, October 12th, 2009 12:12am


Thank you so much.
Haha, he is just the begining.
Yes, you hit the concept right on the nose!
I will keep you posted. [I promise!]

Sun, October 11th, 2009 5:21pm

Kris Cullen

Haha, cliffhangerrr. o:
Good so far. [:

Mon, October 12th, 2009 2:22am


Thank you so much Kris.
I hope to keep it good. XD

Sun, October 11th, 2009 7:30pm


OMG. this is awesome. i'm not one for scary books and stuff but i really like this one. im giving it an I LIKE please let me know once you add more to it. wonderful job.

Mon, October 12th, 2009 2:40am


Thank you so much!
I really appreciate you and all of my reader's input.
It makes writing worth while.
I will let you know.
Thanks again.

Sun, October 11th, 2009 7:54pm


I can't wait to read more!

Mon, October 12th, 2009 1:41pm


Thank you. I hope to have more soon.

Mon, October 12th, 2009 3:46pm


Ooh, nice! The description of the red-eyed man totally gave me goosebumps haha :)
Come one Chloe, fight back!! Don't let a creeper kidnap you!!!
I can't wait to read the next chapter, and maybe find out the "secret" of Alexis that you mentioned in the summary! ;)

Mon, October 12th, 2009 3:24pm


Haha thank you so much.
Poor ten year old girls can't put up too much of a fight with evil monsters. =[
I hope to post more soon!
Maybe you will.... or maybe you wont! XD

Mon, October 12th, 2009 3:48pm

Miss Periwinkle

:0 ..... that.....was......... GREAT!

YEEE!!!! I cant wait for the next chapter!
:D :D :D :D :D :D :D

Mon, October 12th, 2009 5:54pm


I hope to post more soon!
Thanks for reading!

Mon, October 12th, 2009 3:55pm



Mon, October 12th, 2009 7:30pm


Someone stop that vile thing,

Mon, October 12th, 2009 3:55pm

Mistress of Word Play

Still that same strong and powerful style. Love how you leave the monster to us. So much better if we have to use our imaginations.
Very nice chapter.
Will you let me know when Chapter 3 is ready?

Mon, October 12th, 2009 8:35pm


I sure will Susan.
Thank you so much for your read and opinion!
I enjoy hearing from you!

Mon, October 12th, 2009 3:58pm


Hey baby I love it so far i can't wait till it is fineshed (thats right everybody this is my beautiful fiance writing that amazing Novel) I love you baby!

Fri, October 30th, 2009 8:51am


Lol. It will be awhile before it's 'fineshed' babe. =P
I can't rush too much, it will become messy and well, crappy.
Readers can tell when you speed through it. Like when Stephenie Meyer rushed the end of Breaking Dawn. I don't know about anybody else, but I could tell.
It made me very unhappy.
No offense, just an opinion.

Thank you Jay?.

Fri, October 30th, 2009 1:57am


Oh pls o pls o pls update soon. keep me/us updated! total fan!:) thumbs!

Wed, November 4th, 2009 11:23am

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