March 16, 2011
Two Months & More Loss
My beloved boy,
Who knew that three weeks after losing you, Star would find a home and three weeks after that, Thomas would return to live with you as well. And in between all that, mum’s Afghan, Finn as well. So many losses in such a short space.
After Star left on Feb. 9th, Paisley expressed her grief by having diarrhea all over the carpet. It took her a solid two weeks before she started getting back to normal. She lost her patriarch and then her best playmate so quickly. She's coming around now, but she embodied canine suffering and my heart ached for her. Thomas suffered liver failure and I had once again to choose euthanasia on March 4th. His urine turned from dark yellow to darker orange, his ears and eyes and gums were yellow and he couldn't even get into the litter box. (and I had *just* had the carpets cleaned). After breaking down in the car, I went back in with firm resolve and two hours later emerged cat-less and numb.
I still cry often, especially if I see an old dog, an injured dog, a red heeler dog. Your name is still whispered on my lips. I still feel you here and swear yesterday I heard you bark in the dining room. You still feel so real to me. Spring is on her way. The snow is melting. The deck wasn't as cleaned off as I thought and your resting place is painfully there. I glance at it if I have to check on the chickens, but it's hallowed ground and I don't want to go near just yet. When it's warm, I will though. I'm going to plant beautiful flowers all around the deck and make everything beautiful in the Spring.
No one else is allowed to die on my watch. And that's an order.
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