The populace, descending fleetingly into the writhing tentacles, where munchkins and ponies, eat rainbows. Spurred on by passion, for pizza that smells like poo wtf, the monkey stuffed tadpoles
into his urethra. He then proceeded to slurp them out through a plastic bendy straw. Years Later, Dazed and his uncle ran into sex shops screaming, "Repent, for the end is nigh!".
This caused a lot of the punters to come. "Dirty gits, dirty tricks" both sang as they lunged forth, “I am the Walrus." The eggplant wilted at the sound of this as Uncle and Nephew rained down on the naked girls in the nuthouse."It's raining men!" They exclaimed, as Dazed checked where his nuts were housed, grinning and sinning, singing a merry old melody as Swimming Lioness laughed and went to fold her laundry,
...Came the sound, as a schoolboy dressed in a legion of doom costume roared. Irritated Eskimos chuntered to the chattering of teeth as the snow stained yellow. Marking a circle around them, the Eskimos greeted Dazed and his Uncle with a gift of Tom Selleck shorts and some yellow snow cones. They dined devilishly downward with fervour, while dazed and his uncle danced like douchebags.
Pitter-pattering pipers pale into pine, while people push, pilling onto persuasive pineapple's pishies. Pith and pelt protruded protectively and prominently from our two troubadours as they eyed the jewelled codpieces protecting their holiest parts.....against a murder of crows. They spied the glistening bounty, salivating and circling as one broke from the flock and lunged from the sky, wings arcing as it pecked at the sequins. They prayed God assoil their souls as they soiled there's in sync.
"Howbeit you shat yourself?" the uncle cried.
"Damn crows!" the Nephew retorted.
Coughs and splutters were heard as mocha frappuccino sprayed in the path of our two adventurers.
It was SwimmingLioness at a crossroads, adorned with sceptre and bling.
"The diplomat! " Our two chums cried, arms aloft, shielding themselves from the onslaught of craven, averting becoming the wounded. Then, in an instant, just as all seemed tickety boo the craven coiled up in concentric circles, crashing, careening towards the now three troubadours aligned on the forked path.
With deft swing of sceptre and swishing of cape, SwimmingLioness smashed their bird brains in. Cutting swathes through the feathers like a hot knife through butter.
"Fuck you crows !" She chuckled. Suddenly out of the bush emerged Cancepio exclaiming, "Those crows were all Scorpios, mhmm!", realized they were all female, he continued with "I think Scorpio Females are overrated, there! I said it!" and stamped his foot. Upon hearing this, the great and mighty Elle pulled out a laser lariat, whipping the air with gusto, lightning crackling at the tip. In horror, Cancepio dropped to the ground and submitted to the power, farting uncontrollably. Outraged, Elle's Libra bits donned a gas mask, saying, "HOW THE FUCK DO I PLASTER THIS SHIT OVER MY BAGEL WHEN THIS PILOT IS FUCKING DICK BUTT?!"
Richard, the Co-Pilot, was alarmed at the exclamation of culinary control, and steadied his red wings as he masterfully straddled out of the rear of Snooky's ass. Ms Frizzle turned around to the class and stated " Not bad!" In a foggy loady-haze, Bling, comes-to on the floor of the sexslaveship that was sailing out of snooki's thighs.
"Holy-creation Batman!! I do believe it's a nonsensical nephritic neophobe!!!" Swimmin'Lioness proclaimed, pointing at Snooki's gaping chasm in shock... and finally relief, they were free of that putrid palace of pongy pudenda! While everyone was thoroughly exhausted no one noticed Dominooo in the corner body popping, stop, drop and locking arms in a purely palindromic plethora of plagiarized moves.
Touting tantalising tellurium tainted 'twixt tantalum, fixated fabulously on a flock of flying flamingos flagellating furiously, flinging the silvery substance skyward as a slew of slimy, semen like substances slowly seep from its serpent like septum.
The donkey has been found.
Ass and owner have been joyously reunited.
We now return you to programming, in progress....
Bling sang a song of sorrow for the beautiful be-soaked phoenicopteridae, who’s pharmaceutically filled fallopian tubes treetrunker, ass, butter, chicken juggler... failed.
And then there was light, as the base of his cavernous rectum, now visible from space, became the new home of 7 prickly hedgehogs with jelly tots for eyes. The gooey gooey gumdrops gladly melted in a glorious, ginormous, Godzilla like fashion, juggernauts in the hot little hands of the hedgehogs as they ...
err, no there wasn't ...there really really wasn’t! The projectile erection on page eleven is positive proof of progressive evolution at Mach 3 said the duck. While waddling wastefully waggles Daze's most favourite duck began to discombobulate deliciously directly in a downward dalliance while deliberating doubtfully on the descending of the day's rays that shined seamlessly through the sheath of showering scrotums so selectively. Thoroughly incensed and not to be outdone by this fuckity duck, Dazed, the king of the Fudderwackers waded all wanton and whimsically yet wisely and with willing, grilling gargantuous, ginglyform gossypibomas while gangoozling and gambrinous, generating gargalesis in the gluteus maximus of turds.
All of a sudden, Claro, the La Luna, looking sketchy () somewhat, appeared from behind the great Oak of eternal wisdom after feasting on roast gruffalo, parsnips and sweet honey dew alcohol, beaming brightly blinding bling's blisteringly badass beard. Having him in such a defenceless state, Claro thus spake of the great story of how he originated from within the mountainous walls of the man-made, glass, Pompeii bonsai realm that was thought to be the town of titanium trousers, troubadours traversing the world over talked due to their underwhelming ability to listen.
Transfixed by the dazzling display of decadent dialog our gallant knight, Sir Blingsalot, freshly showered and naked as the day He was born, flashed a smile as he donned a full tracksuit and made his way into the thon...throng, throng!! Hiccup! Hiccup! While jogging along in the throng with a song of a long shlong while eating fresh prawns on the front lawn with King Kong and Ching Wong.
His friend Wang came too, and dang did he ever bring along a sweet thang, named Susie Lang.... The Queen of Bang Bang Bang enterprises, that is her claim to fame. Dayum!! Said, Bling, in his best southern drawl, how do I do this? She's just so dang tawl?
"That's awful kind of you to say!" came the reply "you must be one of those Nu-Gents or Neo-Sexuals, not one of those Metro types" Could be Queen Lang, but you know, my friend Eye's of Fire and I are pretty much in to bestiality, the Queen was not amused, to say the least, so she summoned her vast array of doily adorned denizens and rabble rousing rakes replete with rouge ruffles, who immediately set about applying their rouge ruffles to the hair on Water Cup's head. Completely overcome with the joy and rapture of her transformation, she declared she would open a hair salon for the exclusive patronage of redheads, since they are the goddesses of the universe and
'quotes the rest'...and, I think they have a lot of vitamin c in the hair...which they use to slay dastardly demented dragons. Unbeknownst to our heroic flock, Dazed, the King of the Fudderwackers, having donned the devilishly deceptive disguise of a creepily catatonic crimson clown, was sitting on his front porch drinking beer watching them and plotting to
Unbeknownst to our heroic flock, Dazed, the King of the Fudderwackers, having donned the devilishly deceptive disguise of a creepily catatonic crimson clown, was sitting on his front porch drinking beer watching them and plotting to find out if their dandruff is red as well in order to remake the movie Red Dust. Fixing his genitalia, he opened his pouch to only find stones from the blue John mine underpants. Thankfully, he did not contract 'gravel nuts' from the grinding, rock against stone the stone bunny statue in the front yard. Meanwhile, dragging herself from the fray, SwimmingLioness, Nessie for short, whacks Bling upside the noggin' with a hot Easter basket and plops-down in the grass nibbling a Cadbury’s egg while he cawed "what have I done this time!"
"De pasa nada!!"
"Silencio...aahhh muy muy!"
"El Vaquero Grande!!"
...Came the replies...
...with his her petulant pout became confusion, then abject horror! "OMG!!" Ness gasped "Where'd he go, he was just here!!", in a panic she looks around "I thought it was RedAries standing where you are now...What's happening..." the landscape begins to spin as Bling punched Red square in the temple and he let out a squeal as if he'd been shot with a tazer. Punching back with the arm that wasn't a movin' and a shakin', He caught Bling in the ankle as Red hit the floor and body popped.
"HaHa!" SwimmingLioness declared...
*snatching one of the officers tazer's*
A dispatcher took a tazer shot to the right boob, it was horrid and hilarious all at the same time!!!
She was shakin' and squealin', she yanked the probes out herself, Ouch! She was taunting SwimmingLioness, daring her to shoot her with it.
Was it accidental?
Did her boob explode?
No Explosion! But she grabbed his shirt cuff then a fist-full o' chest hair, which established electrical contact, and he chipped a tooth as his teeth clenched down as the current flowed through his writhing body. As they tumbled to the floor in a mangled ménage a deux they resembled a radically radiant rapture, radiating rays like Ra, in a rallentando with Red reciting rituals of rhetorical rhapsodies, Bling raised his bommy knocker briskly, bringing blow by blow towards the tazer, toes twirled in trainer trompling 'til shattered shards strewn streetward steadied and all ailments alleviated, as all a-googled "bommy knocker" ::ROFLMAO:: and began to schlurp great big gob of greasy grimy gopher guts that Red left on the floor lest our heroes be lured leeward by the lanky ligature now wrapped recklessly around a lit-up lamppost languidly, listlessly lambasting the litany of acrobatic acts accrued via verbal valiance that teased truly taxing tales exponentially expounded from our explorers thus far. With that Red shouted in a rant, reminiscently raspy, "pithet, piteous pithet, priggy pithet" as he ran lollopingly away, lightly grazing the lit-up lamppost, while our band of marauders bade fond farewell to the foppish flailing fade of Red's rakish rump, all the while whistling whence walking, flaunting falsetto fanfare fit for a flautist.
Along avenues and alleyways, aisles and arbors, leaving a trail of Cadbury Egg wrappers in their wake, our gallivanting group gave great gusto gallantly garnered gracefully from fronds found frantically from the frigidaire. Immediately upon fleeing the frozen Frigidaire the fookers fell flailing freakishly floorward and stairward to the shining streets of schizzoville screaming slobberingly "she sells soylent green garnishes gathered slavishly so salads taste tempestuously tempting". Touting thunderously towards the throng the bastardly bastions boasted blazingly discovered Dom shaking his fist and screaming shrillingly at the jet stream saying " Cold chills cavorting cantankerously! Causing chilblains callously! F-f-fuck you, Mr.Frost and your whole crew!!" "I vant to see The Dictator, but my f-fucking f-feet be f-frozen to the f-fucking g-ground!!" Swinging arms saliently skyward, twisting, turning flopping to the ground maniacally screams "Dayum! I dun fell outta ma choose!!". The words no sooner departed his lips when in a peel of thunder, blazing across the sky, a very merry, humming of hibiscus and berry peregrine falcon flew fast and cawed with ballast, coming quick to the ground, residing on a mast cast from iron slag and had raised on it the flag which bore the malevolent motto "May Many Meet Much Mayhem Marching Mercilessly!" above the guerillian apophthegm was a cryptic crest our friends had before encountered.
While the brightly bedecked bird magnanimously displayed the gonfalon for our troupe, his countenance with eyes a-glint seemed oddly familiar. Turning their attention toward the crest they beheld a cluster of three bezants flanked by oak leaves above which perched a bestial Bagwyn who's talons clutched a net, nary knotted nor gnarled nestled 'neath nautile numerical numbers noting the ancestral lair of the detestably despotic dungeon dweller Daeglannia couchant among the bones of her many victims. As memory began to dawn upon the happy herd, their demeanour turned to flabbergast, calmly raising his hand, fingers annular and index clasped fast at clammy palm like bastilles bunched up against the raising middle, a majestic eagle rose up into full view, our heroes now orderly at the obvious ornithology thus thrust towards the terrible tart of Tartarus.
The aquiline agent of alleged allies dove daringly at the now perilous peregrine, striking first at the pestilent pennant reducing it to shards of strings and slinging it crushingly at the cowering avifauna. A magnificent humanoid voice emerged from the noble victorious bird saying "My brave bastions, be bold as brass and brace forth, for fortitude and fellow fanmanship (?) Forced female and fellow from farm and factory afar, great game and ghoul gave gargantuan grief though through fight and flight of fancy sweet sailing saw short shrift to sycophant and scare, thou traversed treachery and treat, temptation and talon 'til legions of lecherous litigants lay lifeless lea-ward", "Come, grasp a feather in each hand, my dauntless dudes and dudettes, I will transport you hence to the land of 100,000,000 lux, light oscillating opulent and omnipotent, languorous luscious waves lapping lightly, aqueous and ardourous against shore and seashell, beach and boulder alike, over bridge braced out like back bone, meeting cliff and pinnacle of Cawdor, we'll escape this cold dank drear and wing seaward, southward, sunward, to your reward of blissful beaches of basking benevolence!"
Voice now veiled 'neath the timpani tap and taiko trail of the travailing thunder, transient and transmuted to mutated march, trickling and trudging 'til the fallen falcon rose up from the rabble, nadir now nascent neon against the night's sky. The purely palindromic panorama reveals the heavens heaving with atmospheric anomalies truly treacherous to our triumphant tribe. With a fearsome flash of inimitable ionic discharge the pursuant is struck and in conflagrant flight yon fiendish falcon flagrantly flaunted fond feathered flair, pinwheeling and pirouetting past peril's penultimate pesterings, periodically posturing proudly in the face of perfidy's pealing and peevish pout. In a strain of mitigated might the waning wounded winged one waved a tattered appendage toward our fleeing crew, "look out!" blustered Bling as Nessie narrowly negated a nasty gnash to the noggin' by a blithering beak only to take a blow to the back by the falcon's flailing frond, all became confusion as she was torn from the avian chariot falling freely earthward, without hesitation, Bling, with rapier raised ravaged, carved a clear concise cut at ol' beaky's bonch bearing down brutishly as crimson flowed like claret, glinting from garish gash.
The chariot bucked and bounced as beaky's twitch and torque threw the bommy-knocker bedecked Bling backwards, tumbling turning he tortured the beast with bommy-knocker bashing and thrashing wresting wings from ye wasted wastrel. With wings swathed in hand swooping down, whooping (as he went), sweeping SwimmingLioness up past the peril of the pacific, precariously plonked on shoulders, shooting upwards the umpteenth time to trail the tragically trounced taloned one, taking time to veer close so it would be clear when flying near to ol' birdy, the middle finger would linger in it's gaudy gaze one more time afore it would feel the daze of the southpaw at it's maw next thing spiralling t'wards the briny fathoms of the foamy ocean frothed by savage sidewinding surges of gasping winds, piercing the surface the doomed denizen of Cawdor faded as to a memory culminating in eternal watery obscurity.
Traversing conically amongst thermals and tradewinds the lashed fronds trepidaciously carrying the warriors waned once when sensing severed command of the deceased then charged anew with the magic of many a Machiavellian machinations, the mere murmur maketh the mawkish meek and freak's outlook bleak, what that bird too to the cheek would seem feather light against it's smite, add the apothecary's touch to incantations such, began to shake, rattle and hum to the jabberwockian gyrations jumped juxtapositional justifications as originally organic oscillations transfigured by transmissions emitting from the theatre (or theater, if you like) of threadbare thresholds (thought to be the throne of the three toed sloth), an archaic architecture arisen around A.D along the archipelago at the isthmus of quantitative iambic rhyme. Our duo watched as mechanical tendrils, spires and spindles began to emerge protrude and dilate outwardly downwardly expanding exponentially becoming broader, branching out across the breakers, rust, baked in dust showered down as the two cowered 'neath the writhing wreath replete with sheets of shining metal and copper wire curled up into spires.
Clickity clack, the bear is back, for a fap on tap while wearing a hat of straw covered in sap so hit the road jack and don't come back no more, no more, no more, no more. The song floored the claws that were moored to the floor as the tentacles jangled by the ol' barn door, nor the shackles or the score could keep 'em from the ore on the shore so it bore them no more and the core turned afore so they soar with no gore alit on that shore and swore never ever ever to stay tethered like those claws and stay in the sun although not 'til they're leathered like hide residing on fence, henceforth:
To wit and to yon, no fence and all fun, to shade and to sun, to race and to run. If red_aries doth show, to claim Bling's new abode, is a castle commode, lined with silver and gold.
Our crew will deny, with glimmer of eye, thus without much o' fuss 'cept when met with iambus or vernacular various, take heed if you need, trussed up in tweed yes indeed, so to lampoon the baboon they cried, "don't leave oh so soon, here take one by spoon, and we'll croon you a tune!" so while gobbling the leftover greasy grimy gopher guts he'd strewn previously afloor, our friends plotted their course for the high seas, looking for rum and treasure, bearing dildos and pleasure. Harder! Harder! "Mmmm, pleasure and treasure, hawt fun in the sun? Sounds in'tresting fo sho, who wouldn't wanna come?", "Oh, but dump dem dildos dankward, der's dicks aplenty on this here dingy already" surly shouted s'lioness, tapping the first keg with tittie sprinkles.
Skinny marinky dinky dink, Skinny marinky doo, Dazed unlocked his flow all on the deck floor to bring this lil rhyme encrusted in brine, a sea shanty fr'all of the crew. Swaggering, singing, silly string slinging, swabbies aplenty sang "Rumming the plumbing and hump-hump-humming tis the only way to get through the day and stay sunny like a month of May, I say, I say, I say" came the words in a bray as elevenses were served up on a tray made of puff 'n stuff, then bowls of bancoffee fluff went 'round about. Above horizon a-lazily ascending, clear bright and not a cloud in sight our troupe chowed down with all their might, it hit the spot right there, a sugary fare with the kick of the coffee to add a lil flair, none dared spare a drop or even stop munching as the sea breeze roughed and popped the sail.
Down watery dunes, up frothy crests, our well-sated adventurers revelled their very best, then Bling strung the sails taut with the quickest of thought, the ropes snapped tight, the crew held on with all their might as the ship sailed from day into night, they all laid back on deck to catch sight of the stars from dusk 'til dawn. The rays of the new morn poured down on the resting and all over town, turning frowns upside down with ease if you please, hey look!! The moon's made of cheese, feel the breeze, it's so warm and so tender! "it's lunchtime!" they shouted, and fairly they pouted, but briefly only, as knowledge owned they. Foraging lunar fromage, a hard feat for the fete, was a challenge replete, with feta that was better than the curds from Earth.
The wait? T'was worth! No more mirth! Sated rumbling of belly, belated smiles slacken puckered lips, paprika nachos for dips, cool margaritas by sips, wit de lime n de salt, they toasted sans halt. Feeling high as the mast, up and down they were cast, linking arms, swinging 'round, their ship ran aground. Flung, far, and forward they were, all tumbled down with nary a frown. For jolly were they, caring naught for the fray, only wanting to be swimming deep in the sea. One splash and then more, they dipped near the shore, of an island afar... the sand it did squeak 'neath there feet and their flank, seems our troubadours skipped walking the plank. With mouthfuls of sand spat back on the land, helping hand lift'd travellers back up to their feet, scanning horizon and surroundings surveyed, no natives to speak of in sight or calling out relayed, the shipwreck had jangled their bones, they were beat! For now who cares ? There’s coconuts! Let’s eat !.........
Red aries suddenly appears and punch antibling in the face.
Red aries suddenly appears and punch antibling in the face. Bling side-stepped once as, "Ti yi yippy, yippy yi yay!" came a shriek from behind, Red turned to face Ness in mid-flight! "Oooph!"! Was the only sound that escaped Red as he hit the ground in supine surprise! Bling swiftly swung his foot towards Red_Aries nuts, see, but up in the air went his footsies! "Not, my coconuts!!" wailed Red, as his peds flew on over his head leaving his bum to succumb to the drum, ho hum, SwimmingLioness came back to the kerfuffle with a load of dim sum but the sushi was gone cos she was a fe-lion so "Start as you mean to go on!" she mewed and with toothy grin commenced chowing on food, flicking sand in Red's face, with a paw richly graced, with baubles from the deep. Flashed were diamonds and rubies and pearls by the strand, rings of emeralds and amethysts bedecked each lil hand. Red gritted his teeth in a seethe of pure rage, with a fistful o' his hair Bling spake in his face, "So it's our treasure you seek, my cobbled little friend?", to which Red retorted, "You people are doing it wrong. Antibling is s'posed to die a horrible death in the end!".
Quick catly creeping Ness hovered beside, fixed eyes, flashed at Red, "What shall we do with this Joker, Batman" she purred as Red with a hump in his shoulders and a hoarse in his throat did sharply attest "There's lumps in my trumps now, why so harsh, Miss 'Ness?!?". His question, answered swiftly it was, as Ness snatched her epithet from his jaws, "speak not my name, Monsieur Pathetique, lest you wrest my ire, or desire the fire to burn, your bones on the pyre!!" she hissed as a trickle of tears down his face came from fears of the growl that emitted from Ness...grabbing his T-shirt real tight did give him a fright, not as much as the roar on might have thought as She relaxed her grip, a quivering wreck to the floor did drop and flip-flop like the pancakes at iHop.
A shimmering light appeared to the West of the beach, as best as the two could tell, despite the weather this ain't Hell so it sure ain't the Devil that's come to revel in the sand.
It was Astrological Aftermath, the banana munching masked marauder! His homage to Miami muscle beach mayhem was a rather fitting display of creative wit, replete with underlying humour and bonhomie, at times He was a cheeky git, that was clear for all to see. His repartee when our friends beckoned him forth flitted from "Complete waste of time" to "I saw a dog shit copious amounts of you know what" to "who messed up Red's hair?" as he looked to Red's haggard face saying "Damn! What happened to you?".
With that Red shot a piercing glare first at Bling, then to Ness, meeting his glare with disdain, to AA, Ness purred "This fine gentleman likes to suddenly appear, wreck havoc far and near and then promptly disappear! This time he...didn't make it!" Bling grinningly added. AA's eyebrows raised above stoner eyes, nodded his head, pointed whence he came and said "Just saw some chav looking bloke down the lane... in a blonde wig! Is this some sort of joke?" came the words in a choke, the laughter that followed did evoke big smiles and guffaws without pause or remorse for the chain of events that gave cause for such comforting times reinterpreted as rhymes, I think these coconuts would go great with some limes!
With limes that rhymes and ends a time where a fine line seems to climb a cocoa sea full of dreams in which the leaves of trees cease to be afar from greens, a screen or ice cream? Shallow tub-thumping trip trop trumps trapping twice topped and swopped in a swoon berry cherry-ripe? For the occasion lets one shall toward the sea be, awaiting merry consoltations elating the wares. In a flash they did dash toward the sea on a spree, to dip deep in the dark on a lark to be free. Forget once, oh 'tis nice, forget twice is much better, treats with lime o'er the coconuts and laughter forever. But whom was forgot by our group in the sea? Stayed a-palm in the dark was the glum red_aries! So what was his fate in the night, do we know? If tempted once more, will we know, will he show?
He's pro'lly slow to rise and likes to sleep in, underground in his burrow after a night of rifling through bins, for his din-dins and to search for nice shiny things. Either way, he spent the night try'na sooth his plight by sellotaping the hair that was pulled from his head after the ruckus with 'Ness nearly left him for dead. A new figure emerges from Davey Jones' locker, it was Capriquoise making noise rising up through the waves, swimming in from the breakers and rocks, crags and caves, cavort up and sashay, as the night passed to day, and an end to the play, on the beach they do lay, in the sun and sea-spray.
Bling opened his eyes, and to his surprise, was not was was playing on the radio that day, a piece of the debris that was set free from the shipwreck, prolly flung from deck awww heck! What’s wrong with the dial? Is there no Magic FM out here? All the while...watching smiling to see, Ness did spy the debris, floating free in the sea, on it was a repinique, "quick!" squealed Ness, poking Bling’s bicep "rush and get it so we, can make music for thee", "perhaps more can be found in the bit run a-ground" she queried as she hurried in a flurry down the beach, sprinting feet digging deep in the sand oh so fleet.
The sun still beat down on their crowns as they dragged into shore the drum that was salvaged from flotsam and jetsam, oh what fun to rap the middle in a fiddly paradiddle whilst propped on a paddle that had floated to shore. Skidaddle did the birds from the palms at the sound, punching through the air like a tribal psalm, thundering over the black sand with their voices mixed in the throng.
Plaintive in the distance, echoed without resistance, came a wail from treetops over "You are a loser! You are a loser!", to this our revellers showed less, than roll of eye and a wince from Co. and 'Ness, the sound was high pitched, either way I digress, as gray cumulonimbus loomed o'erhead and the boom-crack of lightning sent 'em scarpering for shelter or nice bed, to rest upon 'til the dust devils passed, whipping up through the sands, "...hope this storm doesn't last!" said one or the other as they raced in from shore to some huts tucked in the lip of the forest that they'd not noticed before.
Through the doorway in nick of time, as drops the size and shape of a dime, pelted down the paradise and winds crashed-hard on fall and rise. Peering 'round in the quaint little space, as lightning flashed upon each face, accoutrements were spare indeed, but Ness espied a particular need. "If those, right there" she said to Bling, while pointing to some hammock swings, "were placed not there, but over here, we could recline and watch storm clouds bare down and draw near, but not in fear as we're safely cocooned, gently swinging in the rafters while this bombastic monsoon lights up sky and shoots sparks turning sand into glass and drives wildlife jungle deep (it's the black noise ballast)".
Dreams dancing dazzled by the damp din drumming, and happy hopeful hearts healed by healthful humming. In the light of the crystal dawn, much was changed from near and yon, the first shocking sight was the wreck was gone, not a trace, not a sail, not a trail of driftwood seen, it's as if wood elves worked through the night until the beach was clean. Balmy breeze blew through skies a-blue, fallen fauna flew as our crew viewed the new day ahead, rising from bed to forage ahead, and find food instead of hunger and dread. The "elves" were so kind to have left goods behind, for hidden a-lee of the crags, was a gathering of dregs.
Among the odd lot, a robust copper pot, with handles of brass was inscribed with knots, and scriptures in words and symbols as verbs, to its side a ham radio thing, it looked quite absurd! Like something from the 70s with it's oversized cans, trailing from it curly leads that led up to the transistor filled box, the chrome a-shinin', and a mesh covered microphone for list'nin in....or sending out messages, cutting through static, like a knife through sausages. Ness, knowing full well, gadgets be a guy's best friend, sunned on a rock for a spell, while Bling inspected each shred. Exclamations of "gee!" and "wow!" Followed quickly by "what, the HELL!!", drew her from her perch, peer'd o'er his shoulder to watch, and cracked jokes and such. An iron to solder, Bling wielded with ease, powered by salt water in the pot from the sea. Upon connecting the last voltage regulator, he turned his head to look at his spectator, flicked up the 'on' switch, cranked the Bakelite dial, white noise rose up against speaker grille whilst the echoes for miles (they presumed) reverberated off cliff face, shaking birds from their nests.
Through the crazy haze, was a voice though faint and laze, and they pricked their ears to hear, the words from far yet near. Weakly tinny the words they came, surprised they were to hear their names, "Dear Bling and Ness" the little voice came, "go to the shore and find the cave", "once there do enter with torch ablaze, and follow the algae along walls through the maze...*kkzzrrpffhh*...leading out to a cavernous space where upon you'll...*pprrtthhzzkkftth*... Rock pool. But be wary, tread dainty for therein lies peril too, as there's...*kkrrnhhhphhttrrr*...amongst tomb and catacomb!".
The signal erratically cut in and cut out, were the missing words enough to fill them with doubt?
Oh, doubt perhaps, but intrepid were they, with torch in hand, they set on their way. Down crags and bluffs, passed old scrubby shrubs, 'round flumes and dunes, toward the sea's sad tunes. Once upon the beach, they looked to and fro, Ness said to Bling "Which way do we go?", with torch aloft in the sun's waning rays, he pointed toward cliffs, "It must be this way..". Struck with wonder once more, they ran down the shore, shouting
"is there a door or a mouth to this cave?".
Their eyes scanned around with laser-like precision, should they keep on this course or make another decision, 'til a few steps more bore the sight of a lip, jutting out from the greenery, this must be it! Peepers all lit like the torchlight at this sight, that might lead them to freedom or more questions and clues, or at least from the knock-knock of night, leaving blue sky a-bruised.
So with a last glance o' paradise, with the stars bright above, the bright day did acquiesce, to the moon o'er the cove. Up to the lip they climbed, and into the dank, stalactites drearily dripped and glittered with the flame of the torch. Odd noises emerged on the draft from the depths, whisper-like and eerie, muffled clanks and murmured moans littered the air as a wind in stutters blew back hair, the slick moss' attempt to unsteady hand and foot the further they descended into the gut of the island. The twists and turns at times plateaued into a smoothed out space that appeared to show upon it's walls symbols and glyphs, upon a glossy mossy flat, they shivered with cold, but would not go back.
Once again emblazed and bold, the two hooded figures searched as were told, amongst the diatribes if cryptic glyphs, was obscurely placed a leather bound tome in amongst the rifts in the rock face. A buckle with gears and mechanism like and old timepiece leashed the strange book together making it hard to release, so into the bag with the old transceiver it went as they relentlessly trekked on through the cave as the tunnel bent down furthermore around as sound of profound misery did abound. With book a-nook they crept and looked, then sent reeling, by the shattering screeching, of a russet 'n green thing with wings, gyrating and rising from a pool of luminescent goo. Fiercely flinging wings a-bringing glowing tentacles unfurling to snatch at the book, "Hiyah!" screamed Ness launching a full gainer while pitching satchel and book 'neath an outcrop of rock. In tandem Bling Broke out his bommy-knocker in initial random arcs until a figure 8 came into full swing, sparks flew as it hit the walls, metal dinged against rock, singing, ringing out as the ball peen hammer stepped out of it's pirouette into a mean uppercut right under the chin of our new found friend, southpaw grammar at it's finest even though the awful din from the creature would say otherwise, although that wasn't it's demise, it bounced off ceiling and wall, hit the floor then began to rise up! For a second helping, bring on the yelping! The greedy claw and tentacle alike pawed and struck, as it mawed from slack jaw, it must really like this book!
"I am the crab!" she shrieked, "I will have, the tale!" "Return it to me now, I will not, fail!", and in a clattering fury she swooped once again. Our friends rallied valiantly, sallied gallantly, and sent the mysterious creature back into the depths of the murky pool. As Bling groped 'round under rock face and such, for the much desired book, neither he nor Ness noticed the scaly form, nestled deep within its' aggregate tomb. Just as his hand found the prize, the wall, it opened before their eyes, a lever was tripped as he extracted the book, with torch in hand they ventured a-by, not knowing a threat was following afoot. Arrived they did, upon a ledge, o'er a smooth slick drop of algae dredge.
The creature enraged as Ness raised middle finger and let it linger in the gaze of ol' crabby as she careened behind them prepared to engage in one more tussle even though it's jaw swung off it's hinge. A cringe on two faces as they stood 'twixt stalactite and stalagmite, hoods now down, spun around with perplexing frown as the vision of it crashing down, a shocking sight as the clawed one lost footing and took flight! Straight over their heads, to connect with terra firma and making its bed amongst crunched bone and shell "that must hurt like Hell!" chimed the brazen pair.
Sounds of crustaceous lament, ripped through the air, in wailing decent, on the long drop down. Ness turn to Bling first with a grin, paused, then formed a frown, perplexed he did ask "d'you see a ghost?" unflinched she replied, "dunno, but we, are not alone". He turned to face a grim sight indeed, for stood 'neath the arch that would be their escape, was a figure in dreads and swaddled in cape, with dagger in hand, and flanked by a wraith. This man, dressed in skins, flasks lashed to his belt, eyes flashed like fire, his gaze could be felt. Chilling, unwavering, his voice did a-drone "What you do here, why you alone", "This place not safe, you must not stay", "I gather the fallen, the misfortunate prey".
Transfixed by the figure, and the hovering sepulchral, tatters draped, as the boy-ape and lion cub saw no escape from what stood and did float in the path, mouths agape, thoughts firing like a hair trigger. Fingers flexed into fists, tendon and sinew heard creaking in mist as all eyes watched each other for the next move, they were out of their depth and most likely so slightly would have to step to the groove of what this voodoo looking dude spake but they'd rather take the risk to make their way through the arch, "is their water in one of those bottles?" thought Ness, rather parched. But first was the chore of replying to the one who bore death's own pall, and a corp of doom.
Ever the diplomat, with charm to spare, Bling began with a nod, then continued with care, "We are seekers of truth and knowledge, sir, sent here this day by a voice o'er the air", "He called us by name, and charged us thus far, we ask only, please, to be on our way". The fearsome figure's features altered naught to this, though his reply did much light emit, "That voice I know, I bot, he command, I take, who wish to go, I take, who fall below", "Bling and Ness, I know you are, others waiting, others spar, pass through arch, seek Moon in dark, she hold key to all". Exchanging glances they moved with care, crossing the floor to exit the lair, reaching the figure, he extended to Bling, a flask from his belt, and his dagger, as well "Take to help, your need will come, follow rope down, be not alone". They took a step, but stopped in alarm, as the figure, took Ness' arm, staring into her eyes, he made not a sound, as a glow, came up from the ground, it surrounded her, and swirled allay, then free once more, she turned away. Looking back, from 'neath the arch, visibility low from dim light of torch, the man could be seen, his eyes gleaming, glaring, daring Ness to look away, a slight smile cracked on bony war paint so restrainedly faint, yet calming and knowing, trailing through the mist's listless wisps.
Time took to one side as they took to the flask, quenching thirst first, rehydrating cracked lips, then they returned to their task, peered past the arch at the great abyss beyond, a precipice with light-like pinpricks piercing through in neon like the glowing green that grew around Ness' foot, the rest a blanket of soot that stretched out for what seemed like eons. Pulling rope taut so the slack was at naught, Bling suggested he aught go first into dark and descend down, could what lies beneath be an underground town? Or would they abseil forever, flail when ground never shows, only forwards they could go, who knows, who knows?
Bling moved forth, Ness followed behind, as images unknown, danced in her mind, who were those trolls, would she see them again, was it a warning, it escaped her ken?
On the precipice, they stood in reticence, as the lights in essence, shone in third dimension. Down o'er the edge, Bling began his descent, via rope, that was, constructed entirely of hemp. "Llionnessss!", came a malevolent hiss, from 'neath a crack, in the side of the cliff, peering e'er closer, she spied the source, an arachnid beastie, with a glow of sorts.
Creeping from, his cramped dank abode, the creature a-coiled, his weaponry "Behold!" he slurred, assuming a menacing pose, between her and Bling, the Scorpion arose. Without knowing how or when or why, Ness raised her palms, up from her side, and in a voice not hers at all, said, "take this now, creep, creak, crawl". In a flash, blue light emerged, from fingers in a lightning surge, it struck the critter, square on the claw, and travelled length and breadth and maw. Though still and dark upon the floor, the creature would arise for more, so Ness fled passed, fleetly flying afoot, and took a leap out from the jut of rock, one hand locked fast on rope, fingers entwined as bindings creaked and coped under the strain of the weight twofold, snippy snap of claw above, bed of night below. Bestowed upon them peril at such height, caught 'twixt rock, hard place and a fight, shrill the sound of the blight above, interwoven with the clanks from cove unknown. So with their might it was time to strike down that pesky pincered one from self-appointed throne.
Passed up from sheath into Ness' hand, a dagger to relieve the scorpion of command. It's grinted edge glinted, scant glows traced it's outline as she placed herself steadfast against sheer rock ebbed with tourmaline.
The arachnid caught sight of the blade's jagged edge, and prepared a return parry by peering o'er edge with it's stinger raised high and poised to strike but oh crikey! T'was not it's lucky day "on your bike!" came the call. From way deep in Ness' ribcage came the roar, not a meep, as the knife was thrust deep, with such force, they shan't be enthralled! Ooh, such rage!
Up into it's gizzard and sideways it went as the scorpion no doubt wished for repent from it's initial attack, but that didn't mean Jack as with one deft jerk through muscle and bone, scorpion took off from it's throne one the platform, now alone in the air, 'twas not fair, but our hero's didn't care as they laughed at it's legs all flailing in despair, trailing downwards into nothingness, was their even a bottom down there?
Too bad, so sad, no time to get mad as they continued their way
Too bad, so sad, no time to get mad as they continued their way as the rope did yaw and sway, with torch held high, Bling spied something nigh, 'twas a passage that lay, hidden hither hence "ho, hey!", he hollered in pendular time, "Ness! Look! This way!" Pointing with torch, and swinging-so forth, he was so unaware, of Ness' deep care, transfixed was she, by the bug goo that be, fully smierwan, from shoulder to paw-on. With a flick of the rope, he launched in an arc, to land fast afoot, on the edge of the nook. With ricochet and force, and caught unaware, Ness plonked bum-first, into a puddle of grey clay (with a slight hue of blue). Bling came over to where 'Ness had been tossed, as she rose to her feet, e'er so slightly cross was the look on the chops from the drop off the rope, no thanks to this dope thought she as he slid into view on the path. Wrath now subsided with her short brusque bray and a look he pretended 'twasn't directed his way via viewing the floor and a look sharply right then eventually to 'Ness to see if she's alright.
His sheepish attend, was met with chagrin, as handfuls of clay, came sailing his way, fending with left then right, though avoiding not quite, grabbing hands falling aground, she knew his weakness, "Ha!" tickling did abound. As the passage it rangeth, with much raucous mirth, girlish pleading and squealing, gave way to thin ringing, in their ears like a bell, both said "what the hell!".
The dark sooty wall did waver and fall, in a cloud of vapour, swirled away in a taper. Revealed was a lady, quite queenly and stately, her muse was a modicum, as she stood at her podium, she addressed our pair, with a motherly flair, "Dear children", said she, "you must listen to me", "for dangers are near, quiet please they will hear". "Who are you, kind lady?" Ness spoke rather plainly, wiping mud from her face, sidestepping Bling's battered carrying case (transceiver in one piece, would you believe!).
"The who, why and wherefore are of small concern, at this point more speed, less haste! For I need you to be learned of ear and hush of tongue, be calm now my dears this shouldn't take long".
With a sigh, huff and grunt the two shunted in front of the lady, skin waning and pale, lit up like moonlight as she regaled,
"Tenaciously tackling tempestuous task, the two of you made it this far without fail, as I'm sure you are eager to tell of your tales, but for now it is I that must speak, and you not ask, 'tis the reason I appeared unto thee, I've been watching from the ether since you got here, you see!"
Bling choked back a laugh and 'Ness revoked a cough as the lady's eye narrowed but with head still aloft.
"Although you may mock my reason for an appearance, I see you’re of good breeding stock and of which you have my agreeance. You bowed to no appointed god on your travels since the boat got here, something dear to my heart in actions" she said with a warm smile and reached for her ear to pluck forth a key, cradled in hand to see, a-shining and golden, "my, my, it's an old one!" chirped our cheeky Ness, forgetting her promise, to shut-up and listen, to the wise lady's lesson. Eyes firmly on Ness, "What should I confess?", "Very well", she began, the key clutched in her hand, "I am Lilith, you see, have you heard naught of me? I survive all alone, perched high on my throne, invisible a-sky, a dark beacon am I, for those who are wise, and won't compromise".
Thoroughly shamed and contrite, and in wordless abide, Ness clamped paw to mouth, to stifle a pout, and shot Bling a glare, as he rolled eyes at her.
Again in command, Lilith reached-out her hand, and bestowed upon Bling, the key on a ring, "Apply this to the book, turn the dials and then look, the order is clear"
The End Of the key resembled a tree at its root, dutifully taking it while still rendered mute. The vision of the lady now blurred in the fog, the key was placed into the slot above cogs. With a twist counter clockwise and a clunk to confirm, the mechanism whirred into life and the brass fastenings unfurled.
Wary, weary from wandering with wonderment, watchful were they as the clasps clung no more, rotating out to the edges of the book like a record player's arms at the end of a song, tongues lolling slightly, concentrated looks, as the sequence of whirs ground to a halt, finally releasing the book from it's tethers, open to the sound of creaking leather. All agog in allegorical amazement, they perused the pretty parchment, pages of glyphs and symbols, the images did resemble, their own selves, a little, "How is it possible?" Bling queried a-puzzled.
Ciphering symbols they pointed to, a peculiar knob, and so, with a quick clockwise spin, they became shrouded within, an obsequious orb of dazzling hue. Just then, clanking by, was a methodically mechanical guy, who stopped when Ness gasped, but envisaged naught and passed,
Ness piped, "What was that, did you see? He wore a symbol of Caprinae", Bling replied in awe, "The symbol I saw", "This shield is too cool, he couldn't see us at all!". Turning the knob whence it came, down the passage they been, the machine man coughed, covered by hand, what came out of his mouth looked like dust and sand. He spoke with a croak and a creak and a groan just like his rusty limbs, in a monotone hymn to the two he bemoaned,
" Oh seraphim!
Why have thee allowed these two into this tomb of mine!
Thine divine order was for me to, in these catacombs
Protect its borders 'til I meet my doom!
Yet time looming over, I trudge and I walk
Is it time for my appraisal? We really need to talk!"
With a gobful of debris spat forth once again, the grumble-guts knight continued on (to his den?)
Exchanging shrugged glances, and taking no chances, onward they ambled, clay-covered and shambled, splashing heard in distance, caught their ears in an instant, 'round the corner they beheld, in the gape of a skull, above a dark pool, a cauldron most weathered and old. The vessel tipped slightly, pouring water torrentially, so they stowed their gear, splashed without fear, and emerged clean from the stream, steam hitting cool air as the retrieved their clothes from a vent in the earth baring down heat, belching into the cavern (with the clunks and clicks still in earshot the sound resembled a lock-in at a raucous tavern).
Peering up to where the water had poured in, a shape of a statue could be made out in the dimness of light, slight was the women a-holding cauldron , her face turned away looking on, past the rock pool and crags to a sliver of light o'er yonder, so Bling and 'Ness grabbed their bags, hauled-ass o'er the rock, to peer out 'neath her stone frock, as they followed her gaze, though dim light and haze, they viewed with affinity, the manic cacophony, the amazing sight they saw, wasn't a tavern at all, but a hive of machines, moving 'round as in a dream.
Though their interest was keen, they were warmed by the steam, so from her satchel Ness took, the magnificent book, with the botanical key, it ope'd most easily, and Bling sliftly evoked, the cerulean cloak, then they drifted and slumbered, 'neath Lady Aquarian, sheltered, from the dangers that lay, but a stone-throw away.
Though her sleeping was fleet, Ness' mind was replete, with images steeped in strife, of chasms perilous to life, she saw a passage a-bridged, to an archway and ledge, with a secret stone maze, that lead to the floor of the cave. Once jarred full awake, by mutters fitfully spake, she leaned-in to hear, Bling's slumbering slur, "Wait! - not here", "go back - up there!", "go left - turn right..", "dwmvmn mmna - inmnum light". Stirring sleepily to see, Ness staring silently at he, Bling donned a wry grin, asking "whataya doin'?", "You talk in your sleep", she said, eyes a-gleam, "just what did I say?", he asked doubtfully, "directions, I think, like a cop on the street", she laughed at her joke, but he said "that's dope!" While munching charqui, they bantered most lively, she told of her dream, as they followed the stream, down the drop of the cliff, stopping short on a plinth, pointing quick to a ridge, Ness cried, "look! It's the bridge", but before they could cross, downwardly dived chaos, an ear-splitting screech, stole the air from their speech, as the
Tenaciously tackling tempestuous tales
Wary, weary while wandering with wonderment, but watchful.:)
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