The room feels like it is about to close in. My head spins as I press my hands to my scalp, trying to make the movement stop. Pressing my body against the white wall of my room, I tried to gain balance, and mostly awareness of the world again. But to no prevail, my vision darkened and all I heard was yelling from my father to get down stairs. I tried to get to my bed. It wasn’t so terribly hard. My room was not the largest, at all. If anything, my room was the size of the bathroom, just add a couple feet. It was also in the attic.
My body was weak. My skin as white as a ghost’s. I gasped for breath, my body starting to shake and sweat ran over my body. I was scared. But It is nothing new. I always am. Every year. Every day. The same damn thing happens. And it’s always my fault. I’m the reason that everything is like it is. It’s because of me that everyone is unhappy. Especially my father. I do nothing right. I am useless. And I believe that. Though I try to pry myself from the thoughts, trying to find hobbies that I like and friends to keep me alive and away from those thoughts too often. But in the back of my mind, they reside there. Never leaving. Always haunting.
I heard footsteps climbing up the wooden stairs. My father yelling at my mother. Though when she tried to fight back against the argument, he told her to shut up. Which she complied. As she always did. In the same fear that I had when he told me. Though he treats his wife diffrent than he treats his daughter. She gets gifts. She gets special things that he buys her. I get nothing. If anything, I get things taken away.
My door opened, hitting the wall as it slammed against it, bouncing back slightly from the abuse. My breath stopped in my chest and I closed my eyes tightly. Cursing in my head, I slowly gathered back my strength, sitting back up. The room was still spinning, and my body shook from the fear that this is my father. This man who I fear more than anything.
“Get upstairs now.” My father said harshly as he stood in the doorway, his fists clenched tightly and his face a red color from anger. Slowly, I stood, grabbing onto my side table for support and walked over to him as he turned around and led me downstairs to the living room. My mother sitting on the couch, her makeup running from also crying. Though I try to hide my tears in front of my parents. They never care. They only pick fun at the action.
“I’m sorry.” I said softly. My voice broken and dry from screaming earlier. Which I think is the reason for all of this. I can’t even remember any more. He brings up so much stuff I’ve done in his arguments that I lose count.
“Shut up and listen and listen good.” He said, angered. “Never scream at me or anyone else like that again. No One needs to act like that and there’s no reason too.” I frowned softly. He was yelling at my mother earlier, and also at me. He is a true hypocrite. I simply nod and stare at him blankly. He nodded back and looked at my mom and she stood softly, looking at me, as if saying sorry. Turning towards the stairs, she left to go to her room, and dad following. They were going out to a dinner reservation in about an hour, and were in a rush to get ready. Even if I was invited, I would not want to go anywhere at all right now.
I spent the next hour, sitting in my room on my laptop that I got 3 years ago for my 14th birthday. I had no party, or no cake. They insisted I could either have a cake or a laptop. And to me, the choice was clear. I watched YouTube videos, admiring how the people I watched had so much confidence. Or, at least it seemed. You couldn’t judge a person by one video, or after a hundred. You would have to personally know them, in my opinion. I slowly made it over from the vloggers and and the current “popular on YouTube” category and to the music videos.
“We’re leaving” Mom said as she opened the door. I closed my laptop casually yet quickly. If she heard anything from it, she’d get curious and dad would start yelling for her to hurry up. I looked over at her and smiled nodding softly.
“Have fun.” I smiled softly and she laughed softly. Her hair was long, brown, and in soft curls that fell over her shoulders. She wore a long blue silk dress and black heels. Her eyes were covered in dark makeup, though making her eyes look bluer than mine.
“I’ll try to, Clara.” She said and gave me a soft hug. “I tried to let him give me a few bucks so you could order pizza, but he wouldn’t let me.” I shook my head.
“No worries. I’ll make ramen or something.” I said, trying not to sound upset. She smiled softly.
“I’m sorry.. I want you to come.. but your father..” She trailed off and I stayed quiet, understanding and she left, soon leaving the house along with my father.
Not knowing when they would be back, and that they would probably get back drunk, I proceeded to listen to my music, singing loudly, since no one could hear me. I was shy about my singing, though I loved the activity. I was also shy about my drawings. The only one who really heard me sing or seen my drawings were my best friend, Nicole.
I yearned for this time alone. I could be myself, with no one to judge or tell me what to or not to do. This was paradise. No yelling, nothing being thrown. Everything was perfect at that moment. I closed my laptop, deciding to move to a roomier place, the living room, and climbed down the stairs, going to the large room but froze on the stairs.
Someone was knocking on the door, very loudly and repeatedly, as if they’ve been knocking for some time. My door was a wooden door with a pretty wide strip of glass. The figure on the other side was a silhouette, not being able to make out any features if I would know the visitor, I slowly walked over to the door.
I was halfway across my living room and the door was kicked in. A tall man who wore a top hat and a suit walked right over the blown in door. Though he looked too weak to kick it in. Confused, I stared at the intruder, eyes wide as I stared at his eyes. One was green and the other was purple. I panicked as he started to walk closer, his boots making small tapping noises on the wood flooring.
I ran for the back door, running down to the kitchen, quickly grabbing a knife from the knife block as I passed and he followed, slowly and quietly, swinging a cane that he held in his hand softly from side to side. I opened the door, keeping it unlocked because my dad never gave me keys to the house and he locks all of the doors, though he never checks that one.
I ran quicker than ever before. My laptop still in my hands, as well as a large kitchen knife, towards the forest I went. trying to lose the mysterious man who broke into my house without any help. I started to hear loud laughter. As if it was echoing through the forest. I started to lose my breath, and footing. It was already late when my parents left. It never occurred to me that now it was nearly midnight.
I looked up at the sky, finding a cave to rest in for a bit, sitting against the cave wall. With no lighting and my laptop battery recently dying from me dropping it in a ditch while I was running, my heart started to race. I was easily paranoid, and easily scared. And also easily curious. Especially when I start seeing blue fire like lights in the far distance of a darkened cave.
Slowly standing, I walked carefully over to the light. I was only in a tshirt and shorts, which was not extremely warm when you’re in a cave hiding from a psychopath. I held the knife up for defence, squinting at the mysterious fire and suddenly screamed as I started to free fall.
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