I looked into the fire. It calmed me down, somehow.
“Of course I don’t remember much, but later I found out I went to the mall with my parents and Sarah, my sister. Apparently I’ve gotten lost and they just couldn’t find me. He did, that man. He lost his daughter, only weeks before he kidnapped me and we looked a lot alike. So when he saw me lost and alone, he just picked me up and took me with me. I don’t remember that… I remember him, but only a little. He told me my name was Tamzin, and then he would tell me stories about myself. How Tamzin is brave, how she never cries, little Tamzin is a perfect daughter that any man would want. And she is great with animals, so he bought me a dog Bebe. Bebe was like Christina. Always scared and alone. They both were a not worth a damn, but Tamzin, she was a fighter. Three years I lived in a dark room, only at night I could come out. Now I know why, but at that time… It so easy to fool a child. I was found by sheer luck. Bebe was always a nervous dog and one day he just lost it. He’s bitten papa right on the arm, blood was everywhere. Papa took a gun, shoot him right in the head. Of course the neighbors heard that and called the police. I remember the sirens and how afraid he was. He told me to be really brave and to go into the dark room. I didn’t want to go, so when he forced me I started to cry. I was Christina again, crying my heart out. Police came and took him to a precinct. When he heard he’ll not go home that easily he lost his mind, raging that his daughter is home alone and that he must be with me. They knew of course, that his real daughter died three years ago, but luckily one cop went to the house to take a look. I guess it was my lucky night, because the cop was also my aunt. She went into the house, search every room and found me in my dark corner. Now she says she knew immediately, who I was. I’m not so sure, but I never ask. They called my parents, but I didn’t want to go home. I wanted my papa, I wanted to be Tamzin, because she is awesome and Christina is not. And they wanted me to be Christina again. In those years I visited so many psychiatrists, all who said I’m Christina. I believed them, like I believed papa so many years ago that I’m not. But later, many years later I wanted to know who I truly was and who I wanted to be.” I didn’t even know when he hugged me, but I was in his lap, telling the story. That soothed me somehow so I told him something I have never ever told a living soul.
“When I was older I went to the precinct again, to visit my aunt. I asked her if I could look at the evidence from my kidnapping and she let me. I found a lot of toys, but what interest me the most was an ID. I stole ID for Tamzin Valky and now I’m Christina six days a week, but every Sunday I get to be Tamzin. At Sundays I would do something completely crazy like sky diving’s or rock climbing, something Christina would never do, because she is afraid. But what Tamzin really loves are dogs. She is known thru all the shelters in the nearby, because she is so good with dogs. Sometimes I get the call if I could help a certain dog with issues and I can. I have not yet found a dog, who I can’t help.” He was stroking my hair. Even thou he was way too familiar with me, I let him.
“In my dreams I can be both, Christina and Tamzin. I don’t have to chose who I want to be, I just am. But out there…”
“I’m really sorry.” I looked up to him.
“You do have a broken soul. And I can’t fix it. Well, I will be able to fix it when your soul leaves the body, but that means…” I finished that sentence for him.
“That means I have to die. And since I don’t want to die, it isn’t even an option. I have two great lives to live, in the outside world. So no dying for me.” I tried to smile.
“Don’t be so serous Sammy. There is nothing we can do, so just live your life, and let me live my.” There was a silence for a long time, before he spoke up again. I was still curved in his lap, my head on his knees and his hand on my hair.
“I can make you forget for a while.” Just as I was about to say ‘Excuse me?’ he kissed me. It was a soft and gentle kiss, but it warmed me up. When he stopped, he wanted to ask me something. I didn’t let him. I got up and kissed him back, not so gently this time. Why did I do that? I could find an excuse, saying I was confused and I didn’t know what I was doing. But in really I wanted him. Not only because he was gorgeous, but he was the only one I opened up to. He was the first one, to know the truth about me. And c’mon, it’s a dream. Who has ever said no to a sex in a dream?
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