Chapter Prologue : Brightest Moon, Blackest Night

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Fantasy  |  No Houses

Reads: 799
Comments: 12


Brightest moon, Blackest Night


Hot steam shot from his stallion's nostrils. The large black beast made a slight neigh as its hooded rider tugged back on the reins. The horse came to a slow trot and then stopped beneath a large tree. The rider pulled back his hood, the pale moon illuminated his face. Those in the criminal underworld would have quickly recognized him as Viktus, commander of a small but deadly army for hire. He had hair that was red like fire, bright blue eyes, and a strong square chin. Viktus could almost be considered handsome, except for the large “V” shaped scar that covered the left side of his face; a parting gift from the leader of a werewolf pack he had taken out years earlier. His enemies tonight, luckily, were not werewolves. That would've troubled him deeply because tonight was the night of a full moon.

Two shadow-like figures swooped down from the tree above, landing softly upon the tender undergrowth, and then quickly kneeled by the stallion.

"Report?" asked Viktus to the shadowy figures.

"My men have eliminated the few pathetic rangers we found guarding the forest, Lord Viktus. They seem to be on high alert for the ceremony, but nothing we can’t handle. I think you may have overestimated the number of men we needed for this mission. We could acquire the orb from these elves with not even half of the numbers you have brought, " Talia replied. Her red, glowing pupils glanced him over playfully. Talia was a drow soldier; a dark elf. She had only recently come into his service after his benefactor gifted her to him to help speed up the rate of his acquisitions. Despite having been told she would do anything he ordered, Viktus had trouble trusting anyone; let alone a drow female. Still, he couldn't argue with her logic or her results.

"Your opinion is noted," replied Viktus dryly.

"As for the Orb of Elunis, we have located it, sir," chimed the other kneeling lieutenant. "My scouts have found the grove and the elves are already there with the orb. If our information is correct, the lunar equinox will occur directly at midnight, and they will complete the ceremony harnessing the moon's energy in the orb within an hour after that. I know you are hesitant to attack these moon elves at the height of their power, but rest assured--"

" I will make sure the elves' defenses are taken care of when I ransack the town with our main force, " snapped Viktus, "You just make sure that you get that orb once I have drawn its defenders back to the town, Daniels."

It was one thing for Talia to have her usual attitude, but he would not tolerate being talked-down to by one of his own soldiers. Even so, he couldn't be too displeased. Things were lining up perfectly according to his plans. Soon, he would deliver another magical artifact to his sponsor, and would receive another small fortune. Still, what Daniels had said was true enough; he would have preferred to simply attack during the daylight while the elves were sleeping, but timing here was essential. The elven spell used to infuse the Orb was a Secret, and they only charged it once a year. Within the hour, the Orb used its powers to recharge and replenish all the magical wards and defenses for the forest. The timing of his attack was perfectly planned. Between the time the orb was charged and the spell was cast, the whole elven city had its defenses at their weakest point all year while the fully charged orb would be at its maximum value and power. Viktus could almost feel the gold coins flowing between his fingers as he prodded his horse to take him back to his main force...

"What are you two still sitting around for? Get to it!" He barked over his shoulder.



His heart was pounding. Sweat glistened on his forehead as he looked out the small window of his bedroom. He was searching for something, anything.  Moonlight covered the tree-inspired homes of his people. His wide eyes soaked in the view of the pale arches across the way. The four year old elf had never heard the eerie sirens of the moonglade. But he knew what they meant: danger.

The mournful, wailing sound of the sirens rang over and over again. His pointed ears listened acutely for anything out of the ordinary. His heart stopped as he heard the knob of his door start to twist, a low creaking noise crept through the room. He clutched his toy wooden sword so hard that his knuckles went white. As soon as the intruder walked into the moonlight, however, his fears quickly subsided.

"Mother!" Nezu exclaimed as he ran to her.

"Shhh... we must be very quiet my son," she whispered as she leaned down to embrace him.

"I'm scared Naneth," he whimpered.

"I can see that," his mother whispered through a false but kind smile.

His mother was beautiful and elegant. Her midnight black hair fell along the sides of her face and down to her waist, framing her ghostly-white, almost porcelain face. She had eyes that were like giant dark orbs of emerald as she stared down at him. The young elf marveled at how serene she seemed even with the attack underway. It was then that he noticed that her normally loving, bright green eyes and calm visage had been replaced. Now she wore a look of fear and he could feel his own panic rise up inside him. She closed the small gap between them and hugged him close to her chest. The faint soothing aroma of the lavender oils she wore washed over him. They sat like that for a little while on the floor, not talking, with just the sounds of their breathing and the constant wailing of the sirens. Soon, however, other sounds chimed in... the sounds of battle.

They could hear the doors being smashed in, glass breaking, and the clang of steel on steel. Nezu wanted to look out of his window and see what was going on. He stood up and began to walk toward the window again, but his mother grabbed him and pulled him to her. She hugged him closely and whispered, “Stay away from the windows. I know you want to see, but you must stay here with me. Okay? Maybe I can tell you your favorite story?” Even with his mother stopping him from looking out the window, it wouldn't be long before he saw these intruders first hand.

Downstairs, he heard the crunch of their wooden door as it was shattered inward. Then came the sounds of thundering footsteps, and clanging of armor as the intruders rushed into the the rooms below. His mother held him tight as the first sounds coming up the stairs became audible. She pushed him to the ground and told him to hide under his bed. She then drew a small blade from behind her back and went to the door. The door shuttered as the men outside kicked it, again and again, until finally it gave in. A tall, menacing man stepped into the room with two of his cronies flanking him on either side.

"Well, well, well... What have we here? You're quite lovely... even for an elf. I think I might just add you to my list of blunderings tonight. What do you say princess?"  He asked as he groped himself and winked at her.

His mother knew it would be futile, but she acted anyway. Whipping the dagger from behind her back, she lunged at the bandit like a snake striking. The sounds of flesh tearing, ripped through the room as her blade gashed out the bandit’s eye. Immediately she pulled back the weapon again and stabbed at his heart, but her aim was not true. The dagger sunk itself into the intruder’s shoulder and he cried out in pain. A moment later he struck her down to the floor with a powerful backhand blow from his armored fist. Fresh blood sprang from her mouth and nose as she lay whimpering.

"Elvish Bitch!" He yelled as he spat on her prone figure. “I will make you pay for that..." He seethed.

The crunch of bone breaking was soon heard as the mother was assaulted by the raider’s ruthless blows as he started kicking her with his heavy greaves. The other men behind him came into the room looking for loot while he continued to give the mother a beating. Nezu, however, couldn't take hiding under the bed and watching his mother treated that way. He crawled out screaming and ran before he jumped, lunging at the man. His arms outstretched like tiny eagle talons for the man's throat. But before he even got close, he got a swift backhand blow to his face and was thrown into a nearby wall. Pain swirled his vision as he slid down to the floor. The last thing he saw was his mother being dragged out of the room by her long beautiful hair, weakly kicking in protest... then darkness.


Submitted: January 29, 2016

© Copyright 2021 Tim Quinn. All rights reserved.


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Add Your Comments:


Onique Mystery

This is a very interesting beginning. It takes you right in the middle of the action which makes it really intriguing. I`m curious about Lord Viktus. He`s quite the mysterious stranger. I`m not a fan of Talia, but I like how you describe her and I like Viktus` attitude. Keep on writing!

Sat, February 13th, 2016 5:47pm


Thanks, I appreciate the input!

Sun, February 14th, 2016 6:52pm


I like the way things are described in this. I can actually visualize what is going on even though my mind has trouble focusing it still drew me in.
I also like the choice of words. Something I struggle with is finding words to make things sound less alike.
I will have to keep reading this. Keep it up.

Sat, April 16th, 2016 3:38am


Thanks! Hope things are working out with your book also. I try to not be too wordy or elaborate in my descriptions, some people don't like it, but I am glad you found it enjoyable :)

Wed, April 20th, 2016 12:43pm


I think starting the beginning off with the point of view of the villains planning to attack the village and then tragically taking us over to the side of the elves was tragic. It was the classic case of you know what's going to happen but the characters don't so you sadly have to just sit back and watch things take their course. This was a great first chapter it had all the makings of something that keeps the audiences attention. You had good character building, world building, a central conflict and a sad tragic death for the main character! You couldn't ask for anything better. I do think it would have been better however if we had a little more time with him and his mother at least to get a feeling for her before she goes? Would have made the death a little bit more upsetting either way this was a great first chapter and you're a great writer so keep up the good work :)

Sat, April 16th, 2016 4:40am


Thanks for the feedback! I am glad to have started the story out with this prologue. I have heard that many people actually skip reading the prologues in some books. I may be guilty of this myself... Still, I will consider adding a few more lines to cement the relationship between Nezu and his mother. Obviously she won't be in the story anymore, but Nezu's feelings toward her will effect the story. Again, thanks for the feedback!

Wed, April 20th, 2016 12:42pm

Oleg Roschin

This is beautifully written, Tim. I'm really not into fantasy novels (mostly because there are simply way too many of them and they are positively infested with cliches), but this would grab anyone's attention. Your language is powerful and you manage to keep a perfect balance between descriptions, inner experiences, and dialogue. I really like it how accurate you are with the language, it seems to me that you've taken great care to double-check every word, ensuring that it reads smoothly. Excellent work.

Mon, April 18th, 2016 4:19am


Thanks! Yeah, I can't even remember how many times I have re-read and tweaked this chapter(If a prologue is even considered a chapter). I really enjoyed your feedback. Thanks again :)

& I can understand your point about too many cliche stories in the fantasy genre.

Wed, April 20th, 2016 12:47pm

Jack M

Really enjoyed this read it is very imaginative, has lots of good description, runs smoothly and builds tension well. I liked all of the character's, all seem to be multi-layered, such as the mother being described as kind but also carrying a knife.

Lots of different element and aspects to the world are being touched upon without giving away all of the details such as characters like Lord Viktus’ sponsor, magical elements to the world, such as the orb and werewolves, could of gotten confusing but I personally found it clear and very easy to follow. The cliffhanger at the ending also works well, makes me want to read on. Tried looking for grammatical errors as I read it through but couldn't find any, well done!

Mon, April 18th, 2016 5:55pm


Thanks! I appreciate the feedback. Being the first chapter/prologue I have probably read and revisioned this chapter more than the others but I hope to give all of them a polished feel... someday.

Wed, April 20th, 2016 12:38pm


Whoa. Just whoa. I'm not to sure if this is just the prologue or if this includes the prologue and the first chapter to your story because of the chapter 0 thing but nonetheless this seems like a good start to a good book. Keep it up plz.

Tue, April 19th, 2016 7:35pm


Thanks! I appreciate it. It is just the prologue though I can see how it's a little confusing how it has two parts.

Wed, April 20th, 2016 12:36pm

Hope Jamsy

Really gritty way to end the prologue and I love that. Viktus's 3POV at first gave me a false sense of this just being a run of the mill fantasy world, but the POV of Nezu really showed your not afraid to get brutal with your scenes, smacking a four year old boy flying into a wall is a viscous move (Elf or not). The description of the Bandits demeanor in contrast to Viktus's really shines a light on just how much he differs from his men in more ways than one (also sets up a great Commander/Soliders dynamic that is said without being said). Also I like how reading from Viktus's 3POV (I haven't read the 2nd chapter yet so I might be wrong on this) shows how he doesn't just not acknowledge his own Vanity, but might not even realize it, with how he perceives himself and the respect his lieutenants 'should' have for him. It gives the sense that perhaps he doesn't enjoy his benefactor butting in on how he should run his army, more so than he's seemingly even willing to admit to himself. That's just my view, also I liked the pick of the word Benefactor, it shows that even if this 'Benefactor' holds any kind of sway over him, Viktus's still simply views said Person (more powerful than him or not) as a way to benefiting himself, which to me again shows a level of subconscious vanity. When the 3POV shifted to Nezu at first felt too much like a 'Frodo' character, which concerned me that it was gonna be a more pg-13 type of fantasy, but like I said it got gritty pretty fast and I enjoyed that, it was almost sobering, And it made me realize that this fantasy world had a pretty strong sense of realism to it, which like I said I just love in my fantasy books. Pretty excited to see where this goes and just how Nezu and Viktus's 3POVs will cross in this world as Nezu gets older. If you don't mind me asking have you already come up with a name for this world/realm?

Thu, April 28th, 2016 1:55pm


Thanks I really appreciate that! Not too give too many spoilers, but Viktus doesn't really come back in the immediate story Arc for Nezu. Hopefully that is not too misleading, but I wanted the MC to have a bit of a journey and not just get his revenge straight away. Also, no... now that you mention it I never did come up with a name for the realm. I guess that is something I need to do.

Thu, April 28th, 2016 10:36am

Hetamax Wrynisimus

Excellent description and word choice throughout the whole chapter. It made everything more interesting and gave me a craving for more. The ending was brilliant and I love the way you introduce your characters, giving them their own personalities and fitting them into the story like puzzle pieces. All wonderfully done. :)

(Please read chapter one The Twelve, thanks!)

Thu, May 19th, 2016 8:33pm


Nice :) you got all my attention , i have read a lot of books on booksie and even hard copy and this has the best prolouge so far .
I can't wait to see how this goes and maybe learn a lot of things from your way of writing .
Too perfect for flaw to me .
Keep up the good work

Sun, May 29th, 2016 7:09am


I Would Love you to read my book "hounds and aliens" in exchange
Although i have to warn you it is not near perfect as yours

Sun, May 29th, 2016 7:14am

Katherine M

Great first chapter! I like how you swapped the viewpoints between Lord Viktus and Nezu. I'm excited to find out how this all plays out!

Thu, June 30th, 2016 7:06pm


Thanks! I hope you like it :)

Fri, July 1st, 2016 2:21pm

Xander Barry Leon

Hi thank you for the invite i really enjoyed your story great opening and hook in the end. I was lost a bit in the pacing there was so much information to things that were happening and back story that I needed to go back to read certain parts. I will continue to read and excited to see who your main character is the little kid or Viktus.

Thu, August 11th, 2016 7:58pm

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