Chapter 1: Catching The Sun

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic

Reads: 251
Comments: 11

“Dani, you have to tell me what you remember,” the white lady said as I sat in front of her, arms folded across my chest. I stared at the cup of steaming hot coffee that sat directly in front of her clipboard. I was so cold. So, so cold. It felt like I had been wrapped up in an ice cube; I was shivering down to my bones. Even though I was wrapped up in a sweater, I felt like I was in Antarctica. Nothing could stop the coldness that ran through my body. “If you don’t tell me, you could put yourself in a lot of trouble. Think about what you’re getting yourself into.”
I looked up from the coffee and stared into her face. She was young, maybe thirty-eight, but she looked so old. She looked like she had been through a lot. I could see the stress etched on her face. The crow’s feet around her eyes were deep, as if they had been put there with a pencil. Her beady, blue eyes sat back deep in her face, her thick brown hair pulled back into a tight bun. She could have been pretty, but her job took an obvious toll on her looks. “I…” I began, trailing off. The words wouldn’t push themselves out of my throat. I didn’t know if it was physical or mental, but I was silent. The cat had certainly got my tongue. “We…it was…huh?”
My mouth dropped open and I stared at her. It seemed like she was getting farther and farther away, like she was slowly fading away. It seemed like she was leaving me, just like everyone else had. I had to stop myself from grabbing her, but then again, wouldn’t it be good for this white lady to get as far away from me as possible? She didn’t need to be near me. I didn’t need to be near her. She was against me.
“You’re a young girl, hun,” she smiled. It looked like it hurt to smile. It probably did. I couldn’t even imagine smiling at that point. “You’re only eighteen; you’ve got a whole life ahead of you. There’s so much you could do. You could be a doctor, a lawyer, a teacher, whatever you want to be. Don’t let this one thing stop you from being what you can do.”
I couldn’t be a damn doctor, teacher, or lawyer. I wasn’t smart. I was never smart.
I swallowed and looked down at my finger nails which had been bitten down to the nubs. Nervousness seemed to swallow me whole. Why was I here? Out of all people in the world, why was I here? Why did I have the worst luck out of anybody? My voice was hoarse as I finally managed to get the words out. “I don’t know what happened. I woke up and…I remember blood.”
“Blood?” she said, finally sitting up a little bit. She was excited that I was talking. She wouldn’t get every bit of information out of me. I had enough since to know that. I’d give her just enough to save my ass. Just enough information that she’d let me go and I could get away from her. I couldn’t and I would not tell her everything. There was no way it was going down like that. “Who’s blood? How much of it did you see? How’d it get there?”
“I don’t know,” I coughed. I shivered. I was still, so cold. My bones felt like they were about to snap. “I…the blood…I think it was on me. I don’t know. I was covered in it. And I looked around and it was dark and really, really, really hot. I was on a floor, it was hard and wet. And I looked up and saw fire. Yeah, fire. That’s what I saw.”
“Dani,” she sighed, closing her eyes and pressing her thin pink lips together. “Are you sure that’s all you remember? You need to tell me everything. We know you were covered in blood, we found you. We need to know what happened before we found you. Are you sure that’s all you remember?”
She was pleading with me and it was almost funny. It felt amazing to know that someone needed something from me. I wanted to smile, but I couldn’t. “That’s all I saw. That’s all I remember.”


Submitted: November 07, 2012

© Copyright 2022 Trillosophy. All rights reserved.

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Comments

lauricula

I don't understand why more people haven't read this!!! Your writing style is awesome, and the descriptions were great! Such suspense the whole way through too! Fantastic job! (:

Tue, November 13th, 2012 7:24pm

Author
Reply

Thanks so much! I appreciate your opinion :)

Tue, November 13th, 2012 11:24am

LaceyGerardMonroe

Great writing I liked this story nice work

Tue, November 13th, 2012 8:19pm

Author
Reply

Thanks :)

Wed, November 14th, 2012 11:34am

SLaRose

stumbled onto your page by chance but i have to say this is great, it pulled me in and had me intrigued as to what was going on. It seems like a great piece of work, i can't wait to really get into it! If you have time i'd love it if you could stop by and take a look at my own works as well. :) let me know more about this when you next update!

Tue, November 13th, 2012 9:38pm

Author
Reply

Thanks so much! And I'll be more than glad to read any of your work. :)

Wed, November 14th, 2012 11:33am

YOUNGwriterV

Great story! Keep it up!

Wed, November 14th, 2012 5:47am

Author
Reply

Thanks :)

Wed, November 14th, 2012 11:32am

Spyguy

Thanks for your invite... Yes, i liked it. Very intrigueing plot, draws the reader in, & tickles the senses. I'd def. read more... Lets stay in touch."Fan" me, I'll reciprocate, & give you some excellent reviews... I hope you can honestly do the same w/my writing, if you feel comfortable with it.

Wed, November 14th, 2012 8:09am

Author
Reply

Yes, I'll be more than happy to read your work. Just leave me a comment whenever you want me to do so :)

Wed, November 14th, 2012 11:32am

Cnrain

To be honest, I think you capture the suspense nicely. But, I think the beginning paragraph was a bit overdone with the 'coldness.' I think readers will get the point right away. So be short, but sharp by choosing the right words to describe the coldness the narrator feels.
Also just go straight the point with some of the descriptions. ex: "she looked old. She looked like she's been through a lot." It sounds vague and uninteresting. However the following details like the stress etched under her eyes were better. So I would cut those lines out and replace them with details.

Hoped this helps and good luck with your endeavors. Thanks for the reading request as well!
*Ah could you delete the previous comment? Somehow the comment cut off midway. xD

Wed, November 14th, 2012 9:13am

Author
Reply

Thanks for the advice. I'll use it in the future :)

Wed, November 14th, 2012 11:31am

RawriXoXo

Its really good, i think you have great novel going on :) I really like it!! KMU!!

Fri, November 16th, 2012 12:43am

Author
Reply

Thanks so much!

Mon, November 19th, 2012 11:39am

SuperGirl34

its interesting so far. i like it

Sat, November 17th, 2012 1:27am

Author
Reply

Thanks!

Mon, November 19th, 2012 11:38am

PossiblyMine

Love hit! The description and the way she thinks is amazing! I love the feeling of your writing style. I feel like I'm in her head.

Sun, November 25th, 2012 4:35am

MrV

This was so suspenseful, I was hooked instantly! I want to know more about the incident Dani witnessed!

The possibilities at this point are endless, which makes me want to keep reading to find out.

The title and genre of your novel are misleading in a good way. I don't recall being this hyped about a romantic story before.

Wed, November 28th, 2012 3:23pm

creativegirl11

Really good!! Keep me updated!! Could you take a look at my story Shawdow born Vampire girl and provide feedback!! Cant wait to read more!!!

Thu, December 27th, 2012 6:55am

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