Chapter 19: Chapter 19: Understanding Rage

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Reddit
  • Pinterest
  • Invite

Status: Finished  |  Genre: Fan Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic

Reads: 210

Isabella woke with a high breathed gasp, shooting up into a sitting position. It was dark by that time and all the others seemed to be scattered or in other rooms, fast asleep.

“You alright there, little fawn?” Killian asked, sleep still in his voice from having been in a light slumber beside the girl.

Isabella didn’t answer him, she simply regarded his body beside hers before slipping out and heading toward the direction of the bathroom. Her feet now moving on their own and her pain now completely gone.

She had to follow along the wall since it had been so dark but she finally made it to there and took to relieving herself, glad that the others had cleaned and wiped down what they could beforehand. She knew the facilities were going to start smelling due to the water and unable to flush.

“I’d give my soul for a hot shower,” Isabella muttered, standing up to go back to bed – only to run into a figure along the way. She gasped in surprised but from the shadow was able to tell it was one of the twins. “Killian?”

“Kellie, love. How you feeling? You okay? You gave everyone quite the scare.” He asked in a hushed whisper.

“I’m fine, I got overwhelmed. What happened?” She asked, seeing Kellie’s eyes in the dark flashing a certain blue of emotion she couldn’t quite catch. They were sparkling though.

“Emory used one of his inhalers – his is much weaker than what Ethan was giving you. You took his whole inhaler and then he needed it because your convulsion sent him into a convulsion. So it was quite the evening.”

“Sorry, I’ll try to control them.” Isabella apologized and stepped past him toward the bed.

“No, love, you will control them. I’m afraid there is no try, there only is. Instead of self-defense today; I’ll be showing you how to do just that.” Kellie let her know before going to relieve himself.

“Yes, sir.” Isabella nodded and slipped back into the dusty space she had occupied before addressing Killian. “I don’t want to be a fawn.”

Killian didn’t say anything and she believed he had fallen back to sleep. That in turn made her relax and close herself down and did the same, just as she was drifting off though, she felt his arm snake across her waist.

“You’ll always be my fawn.” Killian murmured.

“No, I won’t.” Isabella whispered, throwing herself out of bed and going toward the door. She needed fresh air and Killian made no attempt to stop her.

When she entered outside the hall, she saw a fire escape door that lead to the outside of the building. She went over and tested the door, discovering it was already open.

She pushed it open and saw someone already out here.

Isabella squinted and saw it was Niall, she turned to go back inside but his voice stopped her dead in her tracks.

“Don’t leave on my account, dove. In fact, I was just about to head in.” Niall shrugged, standing up from the edge of the building he was sitting and walking past her but she reached out and grabbed his arm, not hard but enough to make him stop.

“What’s wrong? I don’t understand, Niall. Help me understand what’s wrong.” Isabella pleaded to him, only to make him jerk his arm away with agitation.

“What ISN’T wrong, Ella? Hm? What indication to this situation is bloody fucking alright? I want to know that myself, love. I want to know why, no matter what I’ve said or done that you can’t look at me the same way you look at Killian? What’s he done that I haven’t? Let me tell you something, you’re certainly no munter, lass but you’re definitely no Hedy Lamarr. Get the bloody fucking hell over yourself Termlocke because you put yourself up to something you can’t live up to. A diamond sparkles –you’re tarnished.” With that he tugged his arm away. “Do not touch me again, do not talk to me.”

Isabella felt a familiar ache in her chest as he walked past her back into the building. She let a few tears escape before going to sit on the edge of the building where Niall had just left from, overlooking the dark and dead city. Nothing stirred and it left a haunting presence in its wake.

“He’s right, I’m tarnished. It’s all I’ve been, all I’ll ever be. I can’t even keep myself guarded from stupid emotions or going into bloody damn convulsions. This was a mistake, I should have continued to run, I should have made them go back home. Fuck a promise. I’ll continue on my own. I’ve done it before and I can do it again.” She decided, her eyes going to search the skies. “I’ve been abandoned by everyone and everything, no one has any faith in me, they see me as a ruined and weak piece of helpless flesh – I need to get away and they need to go home. I’ll continue on alone.” She murmured, switching her survival mode back on.

A sudden clop made her turn around and she saw Ethan casually leaning against the side of the building, having already heard everything. A foot away from her were a pair of shoes.

“Last thing you need love, is lockjaw. Put them on.” Ethan nodded, staying where he was.

“What does it matter? You want me to take down Glen, they want me to protect me like a porcelain angel that will shatter if not held right. Am I really that weak? I survived two years out on the land on my own and I was fine. If I could do it then, I can do it again without their protection,” Isabella glowered but reached for the shoes and slipped them onto her grateful feet. “Thank you.”

Ethan shrugged, coming toward the edge and sitting the opposite side of Isabella with a bored expression, he made no attempt to touch her. He simply took a cigarette from his front pocket and offered it out to her.

She took it gratefully and leant forward to accept the light he held out for her before inhaling deeply and taking a long drag.

“Thanks.” She sighed dully, her eyes not leaving her old flame. She was suspicious that he wasn’t drugging her and trying to cart her back to wherever his torture chamber was. He definitely was following an agenda.

Almost as if sensing her assumption he shrugged.

“Human nature is a funny thing, sunshine. It makes up an equation or it subtracts us. I was subtracted and erased entirely. My purpose is mundane as it could be considered. I simply want to use you to bring down Saudimere, I was going to give you what you wanted after. A quick death or a release from your pain entirely.” Ethan shrugged, taking another cigarette out of his pocket and lighting one himself.

“I don’t trust you. I wish more than anything I could – I wish I could because you’re still human. An angry and disheveled one, but one none the less.” Isabella counteracted, the smoke leaving her mouth like a long cloud, her nerves relaxed from the nicotine.

“I’m a scientist and a doctor, we’re subhuman.” Ethan chuckled.

“No, if you were subhuman, you would have finished Glen off and you certainly wouldn’t have healed me or cleared my scars. Why didn’t you kill him? What stopped you?” Isabella pressed, closing her eyes and letting her eyes search the skies. Ethan followed her glance with a brief one of his own.

“I wanted a clean canvas, I didn’t want to look at you with the reminder that Glen had touched you and I suppose in a certain way, I owed it to Saudimere to give him a chance at redeeming himself. A poor lack of judgment I will not make again. I assure you.” Ethan promised calmly, inhaling his cancer stick before throwing it over the edge of the building to the ground below.

“What about me? Where do we stand, Ethan? What do you want from me?” Isabella asked, doing the same with her own cigarette.

“I want you to come with me, we can hide. We can run together and make our way back to my safe house where nobody could ever reach us. No one could track us, we could take down Saudimere right from there. I know you won’t come with me because of present company – not yet but I’m eventually going to take you, Isabella. I will eventually but not right now. Right now? I’m a little busy bouncing signals off towers in cities to save your ass from Elliott Lancaster and trust me, sunshine. You do not want to meet that guy in a dark alley. He’s dangerous. Far more than myself, far more than Glen. It’s only a matter of time before he finds his way here,” Ethan warned, standing up suddenly and smiling. “Your company is coming out to check on you, I must dash.” He reached over and hugged Isabella emotionlessly before planting a gentle kiss to her cheek. “Until we meet again.”

Isabella didn’t react, she simply watched him trot behind where he had come from and disappeared, leaving her more than a little confused.

“You alright, bunny?” Emory appeared from the doorway and went to sit where Ethan had just left.

The morning was slightly cold but the cigarette had warmed her chest and she still tasted the nicotine on her tongue.

Isabella forced a smile and reached over, gripping Emory’s hand.

“I will be.” She promised before bringing her leg up on the edge wall and stretching it out, letting the other one hang down from the edge.

“I’m sorry, for what it’s worth.” Emory sighed, rubbing his forehead.

“Hey, we’re not perfect. We’re imperfect and have problems. Just don’t ever and I mean EVER give me one of your inhalers again. You need them Em. I don’t. I need to control the convulsions, yours can’t be controlled. We are who we are and should be proud of that.” Isabella said, swinging her foot back and forth on the edge, enjoying the moment of suspension.

“You’re not though –you’re not because I can hear it in your voice and see it in your face. You would give anything not to be you, wouldn’t you?” Emory pressed, a sadness overcoming his own green eyes.

“I would give anything not to have these memories at all.” Isabella agreed, wishing for another cigarette.

“You have people that depend on you, you protect them in your own way, Ella – God, I wish I could call you Ana. I wish I could call you the name you were born with – the name of my best friend. You are so beautiful, you always have been and you hide it under a falsification. A falsification that you’ve put around yourself, to protect yourself from the pain but maybe instead of hiding, you need to start embracing your demons.” Emory said, standing up and reaching over to hug the girl before kissing the corner of her lip and going inside.

Isabella smiled sadly, her tears glistening but they didn’t fall, she wiped them away before they could.

“Maybe so, Em. Maybe I need to start doing just that.” She agreed and laid back on the edge so she looked upward to the starry sky. It had to only be three AM but she felt strangely comforted by the glow of the bright lights that shone above and before she knew it, her eyes closed and she fell asleep, right on the edge of the building.


A few hours later Isabella woke up to being shook – hard.

She groaned and opened her eyes to see the off white dusty ceiling and the familiar smell of decay.

“Wake up, Isabella.” Killian commanded sternly as familiar groans started making their way throughout the different rooms, Kellie making his rounds to each.

“H-how’d I get back in here?” Isabella asked, knowing she had fallen asleep outside, alone with the peacefulness of the night sky.

“I carried you in, you fell asleep on the edge of the bloody fucking building –Isabella, I know you have a death wish but if you really wanted to die, there are easier ways then falling off a building in your sleep. Use your bloody head, I know you have more common sense in you than that.” Killian hit back sarcastically.

“It was better than sleeping in a bed with a total stranger. You don’t have to be mean, Killian. I know what I need to do. I know my human emotions need stripped. I know I need to gain a tough skin, control these convulsions and rise above. I will do those things and more but Rome wasn’t built in a day and neither was I. So stop being a total fucking dick!” Isabella snapped and threw the covers off.

“I do believe you’re forgetting rule two. The guys will be doing four hours of running and an extra hour of self-defense for calling me a dick. Keep going, you’re only making it hard on them and yourself because those six hours that they’re doing those, you will be doing in ropes so go on, keep it up.” Killian encouraged, his voice tight as all Isabella did was go quiet.

He nodded and went over to the food bags and picked a now half cold sub from it, working his way back and handing it to her.

“Eat. That’s not a request, that’s an order.”

Isabella screwed her face up, her hunger smoldered by the mere thought of yesterday and everything she ate.

“No thanks, I’ll go without. The boys need it worse than I do.” Isabella said plainly, folding her arms across her chest.

“Alright, five demerits of running and three self-defense. If I have to ask you again I’ll kick up their training and yours to twelve and I will keep going until there are more hours than there are days. Now BLOODY EAT.” His voice boomed around the room by the time he was finished, the boys all distinctively quiet and listening.

Isabella took the sub with shaking hands. Her own anger bubbling to the surface but if she said anymore she’d only make things worse for them and she didn’t want to do that.

“Y-yes, sir.” She responded meekly.

Killian nodded with satisfaction and turned toward the others.

“You gents have a long, long day ahead of you. Eat and then meet Kellie outside on the roof for warm ups.”

The boys listened right away, each just grabbing something from bags and dispersing about the room to sit and eat.

“Emory? Would you oblige me with some help today? You are not required to by any means but you may find it helpful to you and I’m sure Isabella could use the encouragement.” Killian smiled warmly at the blonde haired guy as he had a look of nervousness cross his face.

“S-sure.” Emory stuttered, feeling like Killian’s voice had carried a good seven floors down when he screamed and Emory was certainly not going to test the Irishman’s patience.

“Excellent, thank you.” Killian nodded and went to take the last half of the sub from the bag and sit next to Isabella.

He saw her scoot from him a few inches so they weren’t as close but at least she was eating. He only hoped he wouldn’t have to make threats every time, yelling like that hurt his throat and if he had to keep on her, he was going to tear his own hair out. Isabella was his love but she was also his pain in the ass at times too.

“You’re welcome, sir.” Emory responded awkwardly, making Killian laugh.

“Unless you’re training, Killian will be fine. I only need some assistance as there are certain exercises I want to show Isabella to be effective more so than others. In fact, come with me. I need to fill you in.” He motioned Emory away from the group.

He hesitated but followed the Irishman outside.

“Sorry guys – I’m sorry.” Isabella murmured, glancing at the now annoyed glances in the room. The only ones who didn’t look ready to kill her were Louis, Zayn and Harry and that’s only because they looked to be in deep thought. Most likely regretting their decision for the training.

“S’alright luv.” Harry said eventually, his green eyes sparkling with hidden annoyance but there was nothing to be done. Zayn’s was unreadable and Louis seemed to take pity on the girl, going over to sit beside her but didn’t make an attempt to touch her. They were all given strict orders not to.

“No, not really. She opens her bloody mouth and we get in trouble. Not okay. NOT Okay.” Niall ranted, folding his arms over his chest with annoyance.

“Fuck you.” Isabella muttered, finishing off the food and folding her arms over her chest.

“Yeah, right back at ya, dove. Right bloody fucking back at you.” Niall growled, coming forward but Liam grabbed him around the arm to stop him. Kellie intervened then to stop world war three.

“Okay, the bloody lot of ya need to sound off and turn the coals down! You will all get your chance to a fair word fight but right now I don’t want to hear a single syllable from any of you until we start warm ups.” Kellie said, using his official tone.

Isabella stood up and went toward the wall, bringing her foot back and kicking it as hard as she could, her green eyes were livid and when her luckily shoed foot went through the wall, Kellie was there in seconds to wrap his arms around her and pull her into his chest securely.

“Oi! That is quite enough. That’s enough, Ella. We’re starting your training early, you need something to focus on and it certainly isn’t this situation. Louis? Bring me the rope in that bag on the chair there, would you?”

Isabella’s eyes widened and she began to struggle but Kellie already had a firm grip on her and held her where she stood.

“NO! Ropes? I thought, I thought it was – no!” Isabella panicked, struggling.

Kellie swiftly picked her up and slammed her onto the bed on her stomach, wrenching her hands behind her back. Not harshly but enough so he could control the squirming girl.

“Louis, tie her.” Kellie ordered, seeing Louis hesitate.

“I –I thought ropes was showing you how to do something, not this. Will we all be going through this?” Louis asked nervously but crawled on top of the bed beside the panicking girl who was screaming to be let go.

“Yes. Rope training is the knowledge on how to get out of them. We will all be doing this training, myself included. Isabella, for all that is good on this earth, calm down, love. I’m not going to hurt you. You’re pissed with a lot of pent up emotion, I understand that but you are being irrational.” Kellie told her, giving the motion of his head for Louis to follow orders.

Louis swallowed but began to tie the girl’s hands behind her before tying her feet.

He gave her head one quick pet before backing away, watching the girl struggle violently for all she was worth.

“Fuck you!” She spat toward Kellie who only sighed and reached to make sure the ropes were secure before standing up.

“Killian will deal with your infraction. I already have a full eight hours with this lot to deal with and when I get to you, you’re going to want to save your strength because by the time I’m done sapling, I promise you, you will be crying.” Kellie assured before whistling and motioning the group out, leaving Isabella on the bed, tears already streaking her cheeks.

“It doesn’t matter because this is pointless! It’s pointless because we’re never going to truly be prepared! I’m better off alone! You hear me!? I can make it on my own!” She screamed, closing down on herself, her mind seeming to go a million different ways.

Niall paused by the door, his blue eyes glancing at her before he sighed.

“A bit too late for that, dove. A bit bloody fucking too late.” He shook his head and followed the rest of the group out onto the building, watching Killian pass him with the coldest brown eyes he had seen – Isabella was in for it and he almost felt sorry for her – almost.

Emory followed behind, glancing nervously at the ground. Whatever was in store, just by their expressions alone; Niall could tell Isabella was not going to have a good day.

With a dismissive but apprehensive shrug he joined the others outside and got into a formation line. Kellie’s voice carrying across the air loud and clear.

Submitted: March 31, 2015

© Copyright 2020 VanitySorrowHeart. All rights reserved.


  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Reddit
  • Pinterest
  • Invite

Add Your Comments: