December 10th, 2009
People always wonder why I read so much; but the truth is hard to explain, but I can try. The reason that I read so much is because it's easier to have fake emotions about a fictional character and feel good about yourself than get your ass kicked by reality. And most people don't understand that; they think that just because u read means that I LIKE reading, but I actually like the fake feelings that I get when the character falls in love, or the complete terror when your being chased into the night by some creep holding an ax, so I actually DON'T like to read. I just like the fake emotions that complete consumption in a book can give me... There's only one problem. After you have read as many books as I have it's hard separating fantasy and dreams from reality, because I would rather have my head in the clouds than think that I could ever be as alone as I am. Being alone scares me, this might sound pathetic but it's one of my deepest fears and most people don't understand that... They think that just because someone is happy on the outside means that they're happy on the inside. In fact, I Might smile and laugh on the outside, but on the inside I'm tearing myself up attempting to answer questions that seem to have none. Than after I have serious self-to-thought conversations I feel a sense of bliss and numbness that it's like the whole world is agreeing with me when a couple of minutes the world wanted to tear my heart out. But I got to go so yeah....
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