Fearing for your life wasn’t how you were supposed to feel when walking down the street. It wasn’t supposed to be like that any day. I gripped onto the strap of my school bag, pulling it farther up my shoulder. My head arched down, watching the cracks of the sidewalk pass by, counting each step to distract my mind.
I wasn’t like everyone else… the kids at school had to point that out. Pointing it out wasn’t all that they did. They had to pick on me whilst doing it.
“Fag!” Someone shouted, driving by. I clutched the strap harder, gulping. Breathing deeply was my way of pretending everything was alright. I knew otherwise.
My family at home didn’t bother with me. They didn’t accept me either. I was no longer normal in their eyes since I told my secret. I was forced to keep to myself, because I was treated like a prisoner by everyone else, as if I had done some terrible crime. People kept their distance like I was some murderer.
In my point of view, I did nothing wrong. I was living my life like every other human out there. Only I had a different flaw than others. My flaw wasn’t pimples or smelly feet, or anything of the sort. No, it wasn’t anything physical. My flaw was one that people could not accept. Because god forbid, I fall in love with somebody.
I entered the school eventually, pulling myself out of my thoughts and hurried into my first period class. I wasn’t ready for the day to start, but I didn’t really have a choice. I sat at my usual desk in the back, putting my head down.
Like any other kid, I zoned out during class, doodling on my notebook things that had nothing to do with school or what we were learning. I drew a world where I could be me; where people didn’t judge me. Where I was free to love whoever I wanted.
“Mr. Croteri. Would you like to answer number five on the homework?” The teacher’s nagging voice came to my attention. I groaned inwardly and bit my lip.
“I don’t have the homework.” I muttered, my face heating up.
“Oh? Where is it?” I caught a glimpse of her smirk as I glanced up.
“Home,” She rolled her eyes before moving on to the next student.
Every class after that was practically the same. Student’s in their own little worlds, teachers babbling about god knows what. “Kid! Kid!” I turned around to see someone jogging toward me. I cowered back, gripping onto the only thing I could. “You dropped your money.” He handed it to me, breathlessly and I relaxed a bit, taking it.
“Oh… thanks.” I furrowed my brow, watching him, carefully. Maybe there was some good in this world.
“No problem.” He smiled and turned on his heel, exiting the school. I shortly followed, making my way home. I kept my distance from groups of kids heading home, walking alone on this Friday evening. It looked like another boring weekend for me.
At home, everyone avoided my like the plague. I walked up to my room, slumped down on my bed and cried silently into my hands. It wasn’t like I was tortured too badly, just ignored and called a few names. It still hurt… to be alone. It used to be different, when people didn’t know. I shouldn’t of opened my big mouth, I should’ve just pretended to be straight. Things would be different; better.
“Dinner,” My mom shouted later on. I waited an hour before walking quietly down the stairs and grabbing leftovers… as much as there was. My mom didn’t necessarily make me food. She made it for my dad and younger brother. I took the last small piece of chicken and heated it up.
Pulling it out of the microwave, I stuck it on a paper towel and headed to my room, nibbling on it. Sitting on my bed, I used my free hand and grabbed my tamogachi, my only friend.
I played with it for a while, tossing the paper towel into my trash can. The poor little guy was hungry. I placed it back into its rightful box and stripped into my boxers. I lay down, pulling the blanket over my head, curling up into it and fell asleep.
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