I woke up on the couch the next morning. The first thing I woke up to was my brother glaring down at me. My eyes widened and I sat up. “S-sorry.” I mumbled, not sure what I was apologizing for.
“Get the fuck out of here,” He shouted and that was the last thing I heard before I darted out of the room faster than I ever thought possible. It was weird… fearing my own family. But, I just had to get used to it. I shut my door and locked it, breathing heavily.
Picking up my phone, I dialed Aaron’s number without realizing. I was mentally freaking out and had no idea what to do. I had never experienced my brother like that since my outing. Come to think of it, I hadn’t even spoken to him. So that was a first and hopefully last.
“Hey, babe-Dylan.” He quickly coughed. “What’s up?”
“Hi! I was just… I don’t really know.” I sat on the floor, running a hand through my hair. “I’m sorry. I just needed to hear you,” To hear someone who liked talking to me. I swallowed back every emotion.
“Are you alright? We have school in an hour. How did you sleep?”
Fuck… school. “I slept,” I scratched the back of my head. “Good, you?”
“Pretty decently, do you need me to pick you up?” I heard rustling on the other side and his mom shouting, ‘What do you want for breakfast, dear?’ He answered, rushed, “Hold on, mom, I’m on the phone.”
I blinked slowly, lying back on the floor. “I think I’ll stay home today. Take a break from school,”
“No!” He said all too quickly, “I can’t go to school alone,”
“Come over,” I stated simply and I heard him sigh deeply. I then felt bad. I couldn’t force him to stay home with me.
“Fine,” He muttered and I smiled inwardly, not expecting him to give in so easily.
“Really? You really will? Because you don’t have to,” I rambled, smiling slightly. Alright, so I was a little excited.
“Yes, I will. Let me just finish getting ready. See you in a bit,” He hung up, quickly, not letting me answer. I frowned slightly at my phone, putting it down beside me.
A while later and Aaron was sitting across from me on my floor. We sat silently for a while, him wordlessly checking if I was alright. I was better now that he was here, but feeling pretty shitty nonetheless.
“I’m sorry for keeping you from school,” I tried, playing with my hands in my lap. “And sorry that I don’t have a bed to sit on,”
“It’s not your fault,” I felt his eyes on me, making me feel insecure. We continued like this for about ten more minutes until he sighed. “Do you need a hug?”
“No, I’m okay, thanks,” I said, glancing up at him. As much as I really wanted to feel his arms protectively around me, keeping me safe from everything around me, I knew he had other intentions on the hug. He didn’t want to save me from all of the monsters in my head.
I felt fragile; more fragile than I had before. Like if someone would say the wrong thing, I would just break. Everything around me would fall apart; tear into a million pieces and come crashing down.
I knew I was overreacting. It wasn’t as if I was bullied to the point that I was black and blue. Maybe a few swings here and there if I ran into the wrong people, but nothing too crazy. The only thing that was hurting me deeply, gouging holes into my heart, was my loneliness.
Sure, I had Aaron. But I had barely known him two weeks. How would I know to trust him? This was a stupid question, considering I had already put my full trust in him. The minute he didn’t run away screaming bloody murder, when he found out my secret, I felt safe with him. He was my go to.
“Do you feel alright? You look really pale,” Aaron’s eyes widened and he rushed over to my side. I felt bile rise in my throat and it took everything in me to calm myself down. Why was I freaking out so bad? Everything was swarming my mind at once.
“I’m fine,” I said. I felt my heart drop to my stomach as Aaron threw his arms tightly around me. I didn’t want to cry. I wasn’t expecting to cry. But, I broke. Everything in me shattered and I hid my face in his chest, letting out strangled sobs.
He was quick to pull me closer and rub my back. “Let it out,” He breathed, kissing the top of my head. “I’m right here,” He then whispered.
A few minutes later, I composed myself, but kept my arms around him. He began lying back slowly, so I was on top of him, my head nuzzled in his chest. “I’m sorry,” I murmured.
“Don’t apologize,” He ran his hand through my hair, soothingly. I sighed contently and let myself relax completely on top of him. I soon fell asleep, tangled up on him.
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