Leaking Heart: A Novel

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Gay and Lesbian  |  House: Booksie Classic

Chapter 8 (v.1)

Submitted: November 22, 2011

Reads: 82

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Submitted: November 22, 2011

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It's dark by the time I find my way back to the school. I'm not quite ready to go home and face my parents.

My heart feels like it's torn in two, and I feel as if the darkness is really going to swallow me whole. I hope it does.

I couldn't understand why Shiloah would do that to me. And who's he going to show? The school? No, no one could be that...evil. But my life is already pathetic. Why crush me even more? What have I ever done to him?

Then the tears came again. I sat down on the sidewalk against the chain-link and let the tears come. I must have fallen asleep, because when I woke up, it was freezing. My fingers were numb, along with my nose and feet. I was shivering uncontrollable. I don't know how I managed to push myself up off the ground. My jacket was in my locker in the school. I didn't grab it because Shiloah had taken me out himself.

It was a 25 minute walk back to my house. I didn't have a cell phone or money for the pay phone at the corner. I didn't think I'd be able to walk that far before I froze to death.

Maybe the school doors were unlocked. Maybe the janitor stayed after later than usual.Some how, I pushed myself up onto my feet and hobbled over to the doors, up the steps. Locked.

I felt a self-pitying lump rise in my throat. I couldn't help it. Now, not only did the tears flow again, I was sobbing and sniffling and shivering and whimpering. I silently plead for my mom to show up, or even my dad. Hell, I'd even take Keme if it would get me home. I rocked myself back and forth, eyes stinging from the cold.

Why does the darkness never swallow me up? Why does it start and never finish? Because I'm not worth it.

This is when I hate myself the most. Wallowing in self-pity. Cold, hungry, tired. Vulnerable. Spiteful.

Everyone would be so much better off if I were to kill myself. What would be the perfect way to die?

In front of all the people who hate me. Ignore me. Hurt me. My classmates.

I stopped rocking.

No, I wouldn't be to do it. I'd chicken out right before it. But what if I pretended to? I'd act like I ready to commit suicide, and see how my classmates reacted. Maybe they'd cheer me on.

Yes, I'd do that just to see.I'm actually curious.

I chuckled to myself. It sounded strange.

I fell asleep again. I remembered watching a show telling how dangerous that is. Hyperthermia or something like that. You could fall asleep and never wake up. I probably wouldn't have woken up on my own.

"...thanasios..." said a familiar voice. Who was it? Not Dad or Mom. "Athanasios!"

I struggled to open my eyes. Someone was shaking me awake. He cursed. I felt an arm loop under the crook of my legs and behind my back, picking me up. My head was leaned back uncomfortably, but I couldn't bring myself to move. Too cold.

I was put into a car, I knew that. It was turned on, and a blast of heat hit me. I shuddered. Everything else felt like ice compared to my chest and face. Then he put something else over me; I thought at first it was a blanket, but then I realized that it was a jacket.

I finally managed to open my eyes and look over at the driver. It's Shiloah.

He's freaking out. He chewed his thumbnail and stared ahead, out of the windshield. Yeah, what are you going to tell my parents? You practically kidnapped me from school, tricked me. Shot a video just to get proof that I was gay -- for what? To leave me out ten miles from school in the cold without a even a long-sleeve shirt?

"I'm sorry," he said absently.

I didn't think he was talking to me.

But then he turned and looked at me, not surprised that I was awake and looking back. His eyes said he meant it.

"Why?" I whispered. Not "Why are you sorry," but "Why would you do this to me, you son ofa bitch?"

He understood. "I--I don't even know. I wasn't even going to tell anyone but Keme. She told me that you were her ex-boyfriend who constantly hit her. She said you were a stalker. But then my mom made me go to your house. She was talking to your parents and she told me how you didn't have any friends and howa girl did that to you for no reason. We got to your house and they said that you hadn't gotten home yet and that they had no way of reaching you. I kind of freaked out, you know? Like anything that happened to you would be my fault."

"What time is it?" I asked hoarsely. Man, my voice sounds awful. I bet I look worse.

He glanced at the clock. "1:59." He looked tired.

"How do you know Keme?"

"Second cousin. She's a spoiled bitch," Shiloah replied. "Are you warming up?"

"Yeah." Then I remembered something. "Thanks for coming looking for me."

He looked horrified for a moment. "Why are you thanking me?" he asked quietly. "You could be dead by now. Hell, you almost were!"

"I have manners," I replied. "And gratitude."

He was silent for a long time. He turned away from me, and my first thought was that he was crying. But then he turned back to me with dry, determined eyes. "I'll destroy the tape."

"Okay," I said. How long have we been sitting here? Looking at Shiloah, I don't think he realized how much he hurt by pretending to gay like that. I didn't think I'd ever want to see him again after this.

"You probably still hate me anyway," he muttered, almost to himself, putting the car into gear. I didn't reply. He can find out tomorrow.

He drove me home.

I had no more tears to cry. He pulled up to my house and I handed his sweet-smelling jacket back to him. I opened the door, and just before I shut it: "Athan."

I stopped, but didn't look at him.

"I really am gay."

I slammed the door and went into my house where my parents were waiting.


© Copyright 2018 Yoshie Akira. All rights reserved.

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