Feelings of a Normal Person: Bullying and Friends (1)

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic

Based on the poems. Read this essay and the poems if you haven't already or read the poems and then this essay.

Sometimes I just want to crawl under a rock and die. I feel like the world is against me and I'm all alone. I'm worse than alone. I feel like an ant. Miniscule and insignificant. No one notices me; no one cares.

I'm constantly backstabbed by friends and family. The people who are supposed to care for me, hate me and make fun of me. My hurt is their gain, their pleasure. I hate the abuse that I am put through. Forced to put on a fake smile. Physical pain hurts less than emoional for some reason. My heart weighs ten tons; my sould and spirit nonexistent.

I'm a crybaby. I can't handle my emotions. I can't take a joke. I'm annoying. I'm useless. Leave her alone in her own depressing world. I write too much. I don't socialize. Get out of the conversation. You're not wanted here. You just want attention; no cares so stop trying. You're so retarded. You are so emo. Those are what some of my friends say to me. And I just take it smiling and nodding like an idiot. You know why? Because I'm afraid I will lose them. Bad and fair weather friends are better than no friends.

I have a couple fair-weather friends. I'm not surprised when they insult me in public and behind closed doors we're besties. In fact I expect it. But I always expect my true friends to be there for me. To accept me for me, and not try to change me to fit their standards. If you can't handle me at my worst, you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best. That's me and friends. My friends are my bullies and I am their victim. I am their dirt to walk on, their marks all over my body inside and out.

Everyone just assumes bullies are your enemies, but I learned the hard way that's not always the case. Just because your friends barely show it doesn't mean it's not true. Betrayal is a form of bullying when you really think about it. Don't get me wrong; I'm not speaking on behalf of all friends. But whether you want to believe it or not, most are like what I described above. In the box of red straws, very few are green. The red straws are your friends, the green your true/best friends.

Really the point of this essay thingy is just my way of venting out all my emotions before I have a mental breakdown because of typical friend drama. Again. But I hope that at least if you have a friend or even someone that treats you like that, you take my advice and be the opposite of me. Because once you start taking it and trying your best to ignore it, one day that bottle will burst.


Submitted: January 05, 2011

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Brian W

I took up your invitation and came to read your essay.. You have captured to feelings for the different types of bullying well... Makes me worry you have suffered these yourself... I read your poem one but in that you stated it was not the case. I wrote a poem "Simple Words" where the message in the poem is that harsh words hurt more then physical pain... A well written essay. I noticed your classed this as "non-fiction" ... I have a spare ear if it is ever needed

Wed, January 5th, 2011 8:15pm


Thanks for the comment. At the time I had not realized that I've actually been bullied myself because I was blinded by "friendship." But this year as some of my friends began making fun of and embarrassing me purposely in public I noticed more and more that they made me look like a fool for I don't know something as stupid as popularity.

And yep this is in fact nonfiction and the insults in this essay have been said to me, most likely on more than one occasion

Thu, January 6th, 2011 9:44am

Gadzookziie Spice 99

this is a totally different type of essay! i loved it and you made very valid points :]

Thu, January 6th, 2011 8:46am


Glad you liked and see I told you it wasn't boring :P

Thu, January 6th, 2011 9:46am

Silver Shadowrider

I have faced a lot of this as well. It's worse when it's your friends saying this to you than when it's people who aren't your friends. The feeling that you're all alone in a room full of people who are supposed to be your friends is a truly lonely place. If you've gone through this, then I hope you see the little things every day that make that day beautiful. Like seeing a bird fly, or noticing a rainbow. Little details that make your day better. Focus on these things instead of what your friends say.
If it gets to be too much, let these friends go. Because having no friends really is better than friends you can't trust. You'll find new people, people who you can laugh with, and laugh for real. Perhaps you could try the people who others bully. There are sometimes treasures among those you want to avoid. It's all about taking risks, and leaving those who hurt you. You'll get through. I believe in you. Good luck.

Thu, January 6th, 2011 2:40pm


Thanks for that and I've tried to see in the beauty in everything but it's hard when you have people right next to you, bringing you down and talking loudly about you to make sure you hear. I hope those new people come soon because I'm living in a world of misery where I don't feel safe to go to school without watching everything I say to avoid feeling stupid and criticized, where everything I do is wrong and never right. The truth of the matter is, I don't think having friends is worth all of this yet I can't seem to let them go.

Anyway enough of my depressing rambling and thanks for the luck though I doubt it'll have a major impact on my shitty life

Thu, January 6th, 2011 9:58am


Thu, January 6th, 2011 6:42pm


Thanks for the comment :). The problem is that to most of my friends I am nothing; I should be grateful they put up with me. Well I'm not putting up with them anymore. I don't care if all I have is three friends left, I'm getting rid of all the people that bring me down. You have no idea the shit I went through last year trying to keep these so called friends but I guess it was all for nothing because they have got to go.

Fri, January 7th, 2011 4:11am

Atton Brown

i can't even find words to describe how wodnerful, real , and emotional this was. could really relate to everything you said.

Fri, January 7th, 2011 6:05am


I'm thankful and at the same time sorry to hear that. But it kind of makes me feel like I'm not alone. It's sad that people have to go through this. Because of these friends I'm afraid to speak my mind and have very low self confidence

Fri, January 7th, 2011 4:14am

Vampire slayer

This is amazing! It was written very well. And I really liked your descriptions, you put so much feeling into this. words can not describe how good this was. you are a fantastic writer! Reading this it just showed how real this is. I have experienced alot of bullying especially when it comes from people who you thought were your friends. You just feel so alone. I hope you never had to go through anything like that. It is terrible when you have to face things like that but still there are some good people out there. It is just very rare to find. Thankyou so much for sharing this.

Fri, January 7th, 2011 9:43pm


Unfortunately I've gone through this ever since 6th grade really. I really feel alone in the world because if I tell my parents they'll be like beat them up or solve your own problems and I can trust nobody to talk to without the fear they will just go back to my betrayers. I'm glad you liked it, and this just had to be said or rather written

Sat, January 8th, 2011 8:54am


omg take it easy on your self first of all and then just relax its gunna be ok u can trust me i would say try to be more happy in life not of whts the sadness inside u creap in just take it out on a pillow try tht, i have the same prob with people not noticing me for my great work and that we all have special abillatys u my friend are a very excellent poet and writter when u publish a book ill thiink of this one :) just find true luv that should also help

Sat, January 8th, 2011 7:21pm


I'm just sick and tired of the same people betraying me again and again and I just keep going back to them. We're like magnets and they get no distress, only I do. I just needed to write it all down before I beat them with a stick or something to knock some sense into them

Sat, January 8th, 2011 10:52pm


I know how you feel. You probably hear this alot but I used to have this problem in middle school and I stayed friends with them though because I was afraid of loosing them. I learned the best way is to start a new life and find new friends. It's what I did and now I'm much happier. Idk do what you feel is right.

Sun, January 16th, 2011 9:27am


Funny I'm in middle school and we're having similar problems dont you think? Thankfully the problem is seemingly resolved as I've learned grudges give me pimples and wrinkles :P

Mon, January 24th, 2011 10:46am


Ah!nice.really nice.wanna read my short story?its called Liam's song.lolGood job.

Thu, January 20th, 2011 12:39pm


Glad you liked it and sorry I'm not taking any reading requests at this time as I have 18156152628541562625451654 others to catch up on

Mon, January 24th, 2011 10:45am


It made me so sad to read how miserable your "friends" make you. My advice to you is that these people are not friends and bullying isn't any kind of friendship. You are better off with one true friend than ten like those you describe. Have nothing more to do with them, ignore any comments they make as they get pleasure from your reaction. They must be very inadequate in themselves if the only pleasure they get in life is from making someone else feel bad. I bet not one of these people could sit down and write a poem or essay the way you do. You are worth so much more than them and believe me, you really don't need people like them in your life. So head up, be proud of who you are and the next time you get a nasty comment just walk away with no reaction - they will soon get bored. I loved the essay, so full of emotion - keep up the great work. Luv Pat

Fri, January 21st, 2011 12:02am


You see that's what I've been doing; walking away. Which tell them that i'm a pushover, their dirt to step on and that only fuels them on.

I've ignored the sources of the bullying and after events that have recently have happened, one of them realized what a good friend I was and has vowed to stop (so far has been doing a surprisingly good job) and the other I have decided that other than me she has no friends. She probably thought that since I was basically her only best friend and she didnt know who else to make fun of, making fun of me was "funny" enough to get her new friends. So I'm going to let her off the hook and forgive her because in the pass she has been there for me during more than one occasion.

Thanks for the advice even if it did come a tad late :P. Someone else could be reading your comment dealing with the same issues I hopefully HAD and take your advice into consideration :)

Mon, January 24th, 2011 10:44am


hello, well first of all i think it's a pretty good essay, the variety of emotions, strong and feeble at the same time it createas 2 extremities which makes the plot of this peice of writting very nice. I think you speak with the truth and sometimes it's better to writte what you know for real, what you have seen and experinced.... godd job Denada

Mon, January 24th, 2011 6:59am


Glad you liked it and really when I wrote all of this I was trying to get out all of my feelings on paper before I hurt them or myself which is why so many emotions are in this short essay

Mon, January 24th, 2011 10:38am

Vampire slayer

I know how that feels. I have eperienced a lot of bullying through school so I can understand how you feel. It is terrible especialy when people who you thought were your friends turn of you. It has happened to me lots of times and for a long time I couldn't trust anyone either. Keep writing because you are really very good!

Fri, January 28th, 2011 1:16am


Thanks so much. The worst part was that I denied it for years that I was being bullied and I came to grips with it in the worst possible way. My trust has lowered severely but I'm trying to get better and forgive more

Thu, February 3rd, 2011 6:50am


Your not alone at being alone, It was deep (deepier than what I care to be, personally) and well writen. But it was very depresseing to me. I can understand Haveing a grudge against the world, because I have one myself. so just remember you're not alone at being alone. 9/10

Thu, March 17th, 2011 9:48pm


Thanks but I don't have a grudge against the world. It's not the world's fault my life is crap sometimes and I try to remember that. The only one that can turn my life from crap to moderate is me and I'm ready to be in control.

Thu, March 24th, 2011 8:07am

Patricia McGurk Martin

Dear Poet,

I am honest when I say your work is an excellent example of self_therapy through writing, which when shared on an internet forum, can also help others through your own insights as a writer.

Thank you for sharing your work, and I recognize my own model within it. I am sorry it took so long for me to comment, but I have had a lot of responsibilities to take care of until this moment.

Patricia L. McGurk (Martin Hearst Himmler Amsterdam, sometimes known as Fatima)

Thu, June 23rd, 2011 6:41pm


Thank you for the comment. When I realized that my writing was a form of self-therapy a couple years back, it just made life so much easier to deal with. No longer had I have to bottle it all up for focus on writing it all out and realizing that this could help somebody else.

And remember, time is only what you perceive it to be. So I have no idea what you mean by "it took so long for me to comment" because I think you're right on time

Sun, January 15th, 2012 5:01pm

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