Read New Jokes

548 results    

Popular Tags:

View:


Boosted - Premium Member Boost

Reads: 869

Comments: 2

Likes: 1

Shelves: 1

A soldier's life is ruined in Helmand Province when an IED explodes, killing a new officer, and drastically injuring him. This is a story of a man's life breaking down, then the rebuild and success that follows. A story about the problems in Afghanistan today, and a possible way to… Read More

Chapter 1

Book / Jokes

May 11, 2022

Reads: 55

Is life really worth living for. Read

Reads: 120

Reads: 76

Comments: 8

Shelves: 1

Yeah I don know what this is either so don't even ask. Good luck understanding an of it (it's not smart, just literal nonsense) Read

Reads: 106

Comments: 3

Shelves: 1

Seems like April 1st has been going on for years... Read

Short Story / Jokes

February 15, 2022

Reads: 60

A pretty Nigerian lady got linked with a rich Zimbabwean business man. On a good day for a surprise ,the man sent 60million Zimbabwean dollars to her through western union. Before going to withdraw the money ,she hired 2 security men ( 25,900 naira each). She hired a taxi for… Read

Reads: 111

Comments: 1

# 1) How do you say you seen the Jigsaw movies? I saw Saw. # 2) I'm gonna become a robber. And when I break into a house. I'll take what I want. And for my calling card. I'll take a puzzle piece. # 3) People hate it when I… Read

Reads: 78

Comments: 1

# 1) Why don't women like dating magicians? Cause they disappear too quickly. # 2) A magician pulled a quarter out of my ear. I said, "Nice trick, I could do one too. I could pull a rabbit out of your ass." # 3) I met a bad magician. He… Read
# 1) I call people up and ask them, "What's your favorite scary movie?" Then after they tell me. I go find that movie and watch it. # 2) Which serial killer has a shocking face? Ghostface. # 3) I was talking to this dumb blonde. She asked me, "What… Read
# 1) If Pinhead and his friends had a bad day. Do they say, "Man this ceno-bites." # 2) "Could switching to Geico save you 15% or more on car insurance? Can Pinhead relieve your pain? Read
# 1) I was swimming, I went under the water then came back up and got worried. Cause I couldn't find my boat. So I said, "Oh my God...oh my God. I'm lost in the open water." Then I heard a voice behind me say. "The boats over here, sir."… Read

Reads: 63

# 1) What's one thing you don't say to a woman in bed? Thanks. # 2) Testing...testing. Is this microphone on. Hello...hello. (Farting noise) Yep, it's working great. # 3) A woman asked, "How long can you last?" I said, "Until I need to breathe." # 4) Someone said, "Hello,… Read
# 1) What doesn't The Internet Comedian have? Talent. # 2) Are twins just a person that's cloned? # 3) It's adorable when a little girl says. "I'm a Princess." Its creepy when I say I'm a Princess. # 4) Who's jokes cross the line all the time? The Internet… Read
# 1) I wouldn't want to date an artist. They're sketchy. # 2) I work as a police officer. And there was an accident. My partner told me to call for back up. I asked, "What's the number for 911?" # 3) What job is perfect for a pot smoker?… Read
# 1) I don't play any casino games. It gives me the craps. # 2) I got married in Vegas one time. But I don't have to worry. It ain't legal. # 3) My friend with the speech impediment said, "I lay ith ots of sluts." What he said was,… Read
# 1) I walked into a crocodile sanctuary and saw a whole bunch of crocodiles. I said, "This is a load of croc." # 2) Me and my wife were in her car. She was driving. I said, "Deer." She said, "Yes dear?" I said, "Not dear, a deer." #… Read
# 1) I don't read R.L. Stine's books. They give me Goosebumps. # 2) I just moved into a house on Fear Street. Hopefully this is a normal neighborhood. # 3) I wanted to take piano lessons. But I heard they were murder. # 4) Someone told me, "Don't go… Read

Script / Jokes

February 14, 2022

Reads: 54

# 1) Santa Claus Is Comin' To Town Parody "He sees you when you're sleeping, He knows when you're awake, He knows knows ways to kill you now, Even by the Christmas tree, Oh, you better quickly run fast, Cause when he catches you you he'll be kill your ass,… Read
# 1) What's it called when you party passed midnight? New Years Eve. # 2) People always say they have a New Years Resolution. But never fall through with it. # 3) Why do people kiss each other at midnight on New Years Eve? So they could say they got… Read
# 1) A friend invited me to a archaeological dig. Him and his team found a tomb. And once we got inside. We discovered a mummy. It came to life and chased us. I said, "I don't want my mummy that badly." # 2) What classic monsters name is funny… Read

Reads: 111

# 1) My girlfriend wanted a heart for Valentine's Day. So, I stole one from the morgue. # 2) My friends asked me. "Why don't you have any children?" I said, "Cause, when I go shopping. I don't worry about hearing screaming." # 3) Why don't people ask, "How was… Read

Reads: 83

# 1) Apparently my best friend Cooper doesn't like the nickname coup. Cause every time I see him sitting on his coup. I say, "Hey Coup, why you sitting on yourself?" # 2) Me and my friend finally made it to land after being out at sea for awhile. And… Read
# 1) I met a baker with a high GPA. I told him, "You're very cleaver." # 2) What else can a spatula be used for? As a fly swatter. # 3) If you are missing a bowling pin. Just use a rolling pin instead. # 4) I asked my… Read
# 1) Colton Dennis runs so slow. A slug could catch him. # 2) What's bigger than most peoples ego? Colton Dennis's waist. # 3) Found out when Colton Dennis is coming my way. My glass shakes. # 4) What do priests and Colton Dennis have in common? They're both… Read
# 1) Like most guys. I was tangled into a relationship. Yeah, I'm never dating Rapunzel again. # 2) You know the best part about dating Snow White? When your having sex with her. She doesn't wake up. # 3) Every time I put my shoes on. I think to… Read
# 1) I wondered this, "Has Jack Frost ever given himself frostbite?" # 2) I dated an elf one time. It was actually a small person. # 3) I asked a woman, "So, what do you do for a living?" She said, "I'm Santa's little helper." I said, "Oh, how… Read
# 1) Did Leatherface come up with a cool idea for a Halloween costume every year? # 2 If Leatherface had his own brand of bubble gum. What would it be called? Bubba Gum. # 3) Its a good think Leatherface used a gas chainsaw. Who knows how long it… Read

Reads: 56

# 1) Someone asked me, "Can you fight your food temptation?" I said, "Of course I can. Let me just finish this first." # 2) A friend of mine asked, "What's the key to a good night sleep?" I said, "Not having children." # 3) Ain't it ironic that you… Read
# 1) I asked my friend, "Want any kind of Jinn?" He said, "Sure." I handed him a gem and told him to rub it then your Jinn will appear. # 2) Someone asked, "If you could wish for anything in this world. What would it be?" I said, "For… Read
# 1) What shouldn't a man say while having sex? Here it comes. # 2) Who wants to be a millionaire? Everyone moron. # 3) "This is final jeopardy." I said, "Will you not say that before we die." # 4) What do police say to a person who's holding… Read
# 1) A British person asked me, "Want some fish and chips?" I said, "No thanks, Bass and sour cream and onion don't go together." # 2) How word does a British person use that sounds like a curse word? Bloody. # 3) What name wouldn't you want to have… Read
# 1) I wondered this, "Do strippers get dance lessons from professional dancers?" # 2) A stripper introduced herself and her friends. She said, "Hi I'm Sugar, these are my friends, Flower and Cookie." I said, You're just missing Butter then you can make a cookie, Just like her." #… Read
# 1) My friend said, "I'm sick and tired of this." I said, "Take some medicine and rest for a bit." # 2) Found out I have a weird power. I could walk down an aisle at a store and sneeze. The people in the aisle disappear. # 3) I… Read
# 1) I wondered this. "If Godzilla keeps destroying Japan. That means he hates it. Maybe he should move somewhere else." # 2) Me and King Kong have something in common. We both beat a part of our body. # 3) Why can only Monster Zero satisfy females? Cause he… Read
# 1) I asked my mom. "Mom, how will Santa get into our house? Since we don't have a chimney." She said, "Like he does with the other houses. By breaking in." # 2) I saw a snowman out in the cold. I thought, "Man, he has balls." # 3)… Read
# 1) What's a ghosts favorite fruit? Boo-berries. # 2) What's it called when a ghost ejaculates? Ectoplasm. # 3) I saw a whole bunch of ghosts one time. No more smoking pot. # 4) What won't a black person be for Halloween? A ghost. # 5) What's a ghosts… Read
# 1) If I saw puppets actually come to life. You know what I'd do? Sell the bastards. Money's the key. # 2) What can you asked Six Shooter for? An extra hand. # 3) When I have a gag reflex, I get dry heaves. But when Leech Woman has… Read
# 1) Who could do the best sneak attack ever? A graboid # 2) I ate very spicy wings one time. The next day, I felt like an assblaster. # 3) Who could hit a high note? A shrieker # 4) The Skeleton Dance Parody "The egg hatches into a… Read
# 1) My girlfriend said, "I could balance anything on my nose." I said, "That's great, I'm dating Andre the seal." # 2) A woman I was dating said, "I want you to treat me like a rabid dog." I said, "All right, lets go into the backyard." # 3)… Read
# 1) I was in a Celebrity spelling bee. I had to spell Ellen DeGeneres. I thought, I got this one. So I spelled it. L E S B I A N. I got disqualified. # 2) BINGO PARODY "There is show that I really watch, And I'll spell her… Read
# 1) They say, "Orange Is The New Black." Is that why Donald Trump got his body spray painted orange. # 2) What's Donald Trump's favorite saying? "It's a hoax." # 3) My friend asked me, "Who do you think is the best president we've ever had?" I said, "The… Read