A Handful Of Happy

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Jokes  |  House: Booksie Classic
Sappy little stories that you might find in chain mail, but I like them, and I think they're cute...

Submitted: March 17, 2009

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Submitted: March 17, 2009

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There were eight frogs round and about (sorry, I'm not sure how frogs really entertain themselves) when two fell into a well. The other six frogs sat around the top saying, "No! Don't bother trying to get out! It's way too high, you'll never escape. Just die with dignity!"
But the two frogs were not to be put down, and tried to jump out.
"No!" said the six that were free. "Don't bother! Don't exhaust yourselves! You're going to die in there, anyway!"
One frog gave up, and died when he hit his head on a stone in the well.
But against the other frog's yells, the other stuck frog jumped straight out eventually.
The other frogs were shocked. "How did you get out despite our cries that you weren't going to make it?
The frog told them sadly, "I am deaf, and I thought you were cheering me on."
Don't you see? Any kind of support towards a friend can help them.
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There was a tourist who aspired to travel to all the churches in the world, so he went inside his first one, in America. He saw on the wall a golden telephone with a sign underneath it; $1000, 00000000 dollars to Call.
He asked the parish about it, who told him that it was a direct call to heaven.
He went to a church in China, where he saw the same phone with the same sign. he asked the priest who told him again that it was a direct line to heaven.
Upon going to Italy, Germany, Ireland, France, Russia, New Zealand, Sweden, Switzerland and South America, he saw the same phone everywhere, and was told that it was a line to heaven.
Eventually, he came to Australia, where he saw the same phone. But this time, the sign said; $5.00 to call.
He asked the parish about it, and he said, "It's a direct line to heaven, mate."
Then the tourist said, "But in all the other churches around the world, it says it's $1000, 00000000 to call!"
The priest smiled, and said, “You’re in Australia, mate. Now it’s a local call.”
I’m proud to be an Aussie!
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There was a cow and a pig, and the pig was complaining to the cow.
“Everyone hates me. They say my eyes are beady and ugly, and that my skin is flabby and muddy.”
The cow nodded sympathetically.
“I give everything I have. My ears, my intestines, my legs, my feet, my hands, my eyes, my brain. You only give milk! Yet everyone goes on about your gentle eyes and soft hide. It’s unfair! Why?”
The cow smiled.
“Maybe it’s because I give when I’m still living.”
So give what you need, not what you no longer do!
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There were two men on a train, when an attractive young girl waltzed in. She noticed that one of them had a white cord wrapped around his ears and neck, and was shaking and jolting uncontrollably, as if electrocuted.
The woman performed CPR, pumping his chest with her hands and mouth-to-mouth.
When she left to get a medical professional, the man stood up.
“Whoa, what just happened? You were just electrocuted and now you’re fine!” said the other guy.
“Always works for a kiss.” said the other. “I was listening to my iPod.”
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A girl came to her mother to tell her that she no longer enjoyed life, and wanted to give up on herself. Her mother told her to come with her to the kitchen.
When in the kitchen, she got three cups and put one thing in each of them.
A carrot, an egg and some coffee beans.
She put some water in them and boiled them on high.
When she took them out, she asked her daughter to inspect each.
The daughter found that the carrot was squishy and soft, that the egg had become hard-boiled and the water with the coffee beans in it had become sweet, warm coffee. She smiled at the scent.
Her mother cleared her throat.
“Before I boiled the carrot, it was hard and strong. But after the boiling, it has become soft and weak.”
“Before I boiled the egg, it was round and soft. But the boiling has hardened it inside.
“Before I boiled the coffee beans, they were just a handful of seeds. But they have changed the water that they were in. So, my dear, will you weaken with experience, harden your heart or will you change the lives of those around you?”
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There was an old man and a young, cocky student on a tram. The student started to humiliate the old man by telling him about why his generation was better.
“You see? We have television, we have great presidents, we go to high-tech schools, we have great architecture and super-fast cars. We’ve got it all, and you were basically born in the stone age!”
The old man smiled patiently.
“Yes, that’s right. We did not have ANY of those things. Not one single thing. That’s why we invented them, to make our children happy. We made those things by hand so that the next generation could enjoy them. So, young man, tell me; what are you doing for your children’s time?”
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A TRUE CONVERSATION!
Tech Support; Hello, how may I help you?
Other Line; Hi, my computer won’t work despite every attempt.
Tech Support; Well, can you hit the power buttons on both the screen and the hard drive?
Other Line Pauses, then; Yes, I tried that. My screen’s just black.
Tech Support; Hit Enter, and if that doesn’t work, Ctrl+Alt+ Delete…
Other Line; Yes, I’ve done that, too.
Tech Support; Oh, okay, then can you check the power socket for me? Down on the floor?
Other Line; Um, I don’t know if I CAN do that…It’d be too hard.
Tech Support; Why is that hard to do?
Other Line; Because my office is really dark.
Tech Support; Well, turn the light on!
Other Line; I can’t, we’re in a power blackout...
Tech Support;…Oh my god…
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LOVE as told by little kids
“Love is when a girl wears perfume and a boy wears cologne and they go out and smell each other.”
Terri, age 8
 
“Love is when you tell someone that you like their hat, and then they wear it every day.”
Nikka, age 5
 
“Love is when an old lady can’t paint her toenails because of arthritis, so her husband paints them for her, even though his hands have arthritis, too.”
James, age 5
 
“Love is when your eyelashes go up and down and stars come out of your eyes, and you go; AAH.”
Liam, age 6
 
“Love is when you write one both sides of a birthday card for someone, and there’s no room left to write, “Dear” and “Love from”.”
Lucy, age 7
 
“Love is when you are talking to somebody and then they say that you look very nice, and then you say thankyou, and you think so, too.”
Finn, age 5
 
“Love is when Mum makes coffee for Dad and has a taste to make sure it tastes ok before he drinks it so that he will like it.”

Millie, age 7

"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mummy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss."
Emily - age 8
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I hope that these corny, sappy little tidbits have made your day. Bye!


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