Crappily Ever After; The Worst Ever Film Endings

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I don't know what the best film ending is (I Am Sam? The Sixth Sense?), but here are some of the worse...

Submitted: August 04, 2009

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Submitted: August 04, 2009



Prom Night; “It’s over, it’s all over…”
Prom Night is a 2008 remake of an old flick which, I presume was much better than this pile of corny trash.
The film is about “caring, popular, optimistic” teen (Brittany Snow (goddamn her, that useless actress, she’s always prattling on about how misunderstood and cite-ly dorky she is) from “Hairspray”) who, five years ago, had her whole family killed by an obsessive teacher at her school. Now, at her senior prom (like, oh my god, I mean, like, seriously, like, totally, like, oh emm jee!), the teacher has returned with a vengeance to pick off her friends one by one and eventually take her as his own.
So. The film is pretty useless for most of the time, i.e. “Where’s Jimmy? Jimmy, are you okay? You just got nominated Prom King! Jimmy? Jimmy, is that you? Oh, hello, do you know where my boyfriend Jimmy i-AAAAAAAAAARGH! OMG! AAAAAAAAAAAARGH!” but it’s the ending that really takes the crap-cake.
After wrestling with the murderer who is now inside the house, an officer comes in and, pulling her out of the way, shoots the murderer. He then hugs the sobbing girl and says softly, “It’s over, (girl’s name), it’s aaaaaaall over…”
Then some retro pop song comes on, and it shows the characters at the prom, playing once more…in heaven…sob-NOT.
How can you end a horror film without a glimpse of the killer, revealing that they are still either at large or not dead?
Blades Of Glory; Sk8er Boi…or Not
Don’t get me wrong, I love Blades Of Glory, but the ending shot is…yeah. If you’ve seen it you’ll agree.
The plot is that Will Ferrell’s character and Jon Heder’s character (from Napoleon Dynamite, remember?) are arch-rival figure-skaters, but, after a fight which got them both expelled from figure-skating, they find that they can re-enter the championships…as a team.
What follows is pretty hilarious; guys wearing disturbing uniforms and doing even more disturbing routines, quipping quotable…quotes and overall being hilarious.
Eventually, they pull off the dreaded Lotus Move, or whatever it’s called, and win. But, as they walk off into the sunset, their skates grow wings (not kidding) and they fly off into the clouds.
I’m sorry, what?
Dodgeball; NO, no wait! I’ll explain, I’ll explain…
I love the movie Dodgeballs, don’t get me wrong. It’s brilliant. And the ending is absolutely perfect. It’s just…you haven’t seen the original ending, but if you did you might not like the movie so much.
The plot! The plot, right…Ben Stiller plays an egomaniacal fitness trainer White Goodman who wants to buy Peter Le Fleur’s (Vince Vaughn) gym. However, they won’t go down without a fight,. To save the gym they enter the Dodgeball tournament coached by the crazy Patches O’ Houlihan, and eventually are in a sudden death match against Goodman and his cronies.
In the REAL ending, Peter blindfolds himself as Patches told him to do, and, incredibly, ducks the balls by listening to the waves it makes. He hits White and wins…yay!
But, in the original ending, White hits Peter, and the credits roll after a few seconds of White’s team hugging him and cheering. There is silence in the background.
And there would be silence in the theatre, too, if they had kept that ending.
Eraserhead; “Mr. Applebaum! I found another!”
Eraserhead is a ridiculous enough movie, even for arthouse lovers. I mean, it’s about a couple called Frank Eraserhead and Mary X who have an alien baby which eventually eats Frank! Oops, spoiler. But that’s not even the ending part, it’s just a dream.
The REAL ending is that Frank goes to his bosses’ birthday party and is about to give a speech when he starts to scream excruciatingly, and, soon, his head flies across the room and into the street. The alien baby’s head pops out of Frank’s body and makes high-pitched squealing noises for about five minutes. It switches back to a shot of Frank’s head in the street, and a little boy runs up to the head and takes it into a weird factory around the corner.
When inside, he runs up to an old man in a wheelchair and sayd, “Mr. Applebaum! I found another!”
Mr. Applebaum croaks, “Is it tender? Pulpy?” and the boy nods enthusiastically.
Applebaum puts it into a machine which grinds up Frank’s head and makes it into thousands and thousand of pencils…hence the name…Eraserhead…
Oh, and in one of the opening scenes, Frank is eating roast chicken when the chicken jumps off the table and begins to fly. Afterwards, he and his in-laws keep eating.
And that’s…the ending. What? At least it actually ended!
Down With Love; “Well, how about something in between?”
Set in the 1950’s to early 60’s, this film is, or so the DVD cover says, “A hilarious battle between the sexes!”
If I had a dollar every time I heard that…
Oh, actually, I’d probably have one dollar.
Ewan Macgregor’s character is Catcher Block (his parents were most likely bogans) and Renee Zellweger is Barbara Novak, and both are wanna-be writers; Catcher for a popular men’s magazine and Barbara for an unpublished book called, you guessed it, “When Hitler Stole Pink Rabbit. Oh, no, sorry, I mean “Down With Love”.
After a long and boring sequence of long and boring events where they fall in and out of love, Catcher comes to Barbara’s office to tell her that she has won the long struggle, and that she is free of him. He tells her that if she can’t be the brunette she used to be (as a small-town reporter and secretary) or the blonde she is now (as a successful businesswoman), then he can’t have her.
He leaves, but, as he boards the elevator, finds a pretty familiar redhead inside. It’s Barbara who utters the “clever” line, “If you don’t want a brunette or a blonde, how about something that’s in between?”
Then she begins to snog him.
They run onto the rooftop of the building (no, they’re not killing themselves (unfortunately)) and find a helicopter there reading, “Vegas Or Bust!”, so we assume they’re going to get married at a shot-gun wedding. Then, they just dangle on the ladder of the helicopter as it carries them over Manhattan and into the sunset.
Huh? Earlier the characters were frightened of falling into a closed manhole and now they’re making out on a ladder high above the busy city? Oh, sure, because that’s what love does. Or drugs.
Also, afterwards they sing a song while drinking champagne and dancing.
Down With This Movie, more like.
So Camp Rock isn’t going to be winning any Golden Globes, and I know everyone picks on it, but…I want a go.
Tis movie also has one of the worst movie quotes of all time; “Oh, and by the way, your lip gloss is SOOOO not sparkly any more!”
Oh, Buuuuurn-not.
Mitchie Torres (what the heck? She should start a bad-name support group with Catcher Block.) is a hopeful teen with a talent for singing who has just gained a ticket to the famous Camp Rock, where a competition is afoot to win a record deal with Joe Jonas’ character. But can she compete against the gossipy Tess to win Final Jam and seal her reputation?
I hate the Jonas Brothers, so this movie was bad anyway, but the ending is just ridiculous.
Mitchie and her friend Whoserface are banned from performing their funky fusion routine at the Final Jam when Tess frames them of stealing her necklace (oh, you rascal, Tess! Framing someone of Larson, you are a little minx!), and their hip, British teacher, tells them that they cannot perform, “until the END of Final Jam!” However, after all the acts, the same teacher says, in an obvious attempt to help the girls realise that they can perform.
Mitchie starts singing, “This Is Me”, a song which she wrote herself about her need to stand out, and dances. Halfway through the song, Joe Jonas starts singing too, and they kiss passionately.
The people who suck in this scene; Mitchie, for performing a routine that looks like she is spanking herself, and also for smiling too much too superficially, The Teacher, for allowing students who stole (well, as far as he knew) someone’s items to sing, and also congratulates them, Joe Jonas, for interrupting when someone’s singing and for having a detestable hair cut, and the entire cast and crew, for ruining my life.
Well, I hope this isn’t a bad ending; bye, and thanks for reading!

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