Princess Spock

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Fantasy  |  House: Booksie Classic
A really, really short story about a dorky young princess and her undorky, young suitor who dissapoints her. It's super short.

Submitted: October 04, 2009

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Submitted: October 04, 2009



Once upon a time, in a land which neither you nor I can pronounce, lived a beautiful princess, and her name was Princess Spock. She lived in a wonder-world of comic cons, Star Trek marathons on the Sci-Fi Channel, and battling other internet users for the right of the Tetris throne.
She was also brilliant at  Dance_Dance_Revolution, holding the high-scores on each of the palace’s eight Dance_Dance_Revolution machines.
Of course, her love for the nerdy arts did not go unnoticed; nor were they encouraged. Her parents, Queen Salmonella and King Lyphoma, frowned upon her abnormal antics; hoping that someday she would don crystal slippers rather than a Federation badge, and that she would abandon her Okijimbata Replica Samurai Sword for a frilled parasol. They hoped that she would settle in with a gentle, dashing suitor who would quieten her down a little.
Which is exactly what happened.
One night, whilst having a ferocious eBay battle for the complete seventh season of Stargate; Atlantis, she received an eMail from a one, asking her to meet him at The Bean And Porridge at 7:30, so she did. She found him to be gentle, and a dashing suitor, by the name of Prince Whenever she thought about him, her thoughts wandered to them winning Pairs Mode on her Dance_Dance_Revolution;Omega_Star_Shine machine, to them dressing as Luke and Leia Skywalker for a sci-fi convention, to them speaking sweet nothings in each other’s ears…in Klingon, of course.
She received more eMails from him each day, and the more letters from him in her inbox, the more she thought about their blossoming romance. So they announced their engagement, and were soon loving husband and wife.
Unfortunately, Princess Spock's doubts about her new hubby started as soon as the wedding plans began; her dress didn’t even have the Federation badge on it! It was simply a flowing gown of white, not a trace of sci-fi devotion to be seen. Most of her wedding presents were useless things like lampshades, and sterling-silver cutlery, and over 30 casserole pots, even though Princess Spock had no intention of cooking anything vaguely casserole-like. And her husband’s wedding vows did not include, as he had promised, the line, “live long and prosper, my new wife”.
It was disappointing, but not as disappointing as wedded life. The house had no internet connection, and upon offering to pay for some, Princess Spock's new husband told her firmly,
“No, no wife of mine shall bruise her fingers on some absurd contraption, aiming to purchase ridiculous items as Superstar Galactica.”
“It’s Battlestar Galactica, sweetheart” said Princess Spock, “Battlestar.”
And when she finally found her Dance_Dance_Revolution;Global_A-Go-Go machine, it was chained up and unplugged.
“No, no” said Prince “No wife of mine shall act like an ape on some brainless machine.”
“But…you said you liked Dance_Dance_Revolution;Global_A-Go-Go!” said Princess Spock, taking a breath.
“Yes, well, I said a lot of things, but that doesn’t mean they were all true, don’t they?”
Princess Spock began to lose the twinkle in her braces; her husband was unapproving of the things he was supposed to love her for. If somebody did those things, was she still required to love them?
“Oh, yes, dear, I forgot to tell you; I threw out that awful bear-toy in your room. What was it again, that one from Star Wars…Chewbacca?”
Prince had forgotten the golden rule of marriage; Never, not ever, NEVER mess with a girl’s Wookie Full-Size Replica, from Amazon for $99.95.
A few days later, after barely noticing his wife’s absence, Prince found a scrawled note inside the breast pocket of his favourite suit. It read;
Dear Prince,
I am no longer attracted to you for the simple reason that you are a little turd. You sound like Darth Vader when you snore, and you have the forehead of a Vulcan. I would insult you further, but I have to go to a Dance_Dance_Revolution;Dog_Disco marathon, so please never rear your ugly face in my direction again.
Without Love,
Princess E. Spock of The Upper District Of Purplifiria
P.S. You are a terrible badminton player, also.
Prince was never heard of again, whether it be from shame or sorrow, but Princess Spock is renowned for her kindness and athleticism.
Oh, yes, she now has the complete box set of Stargate; Atlantis seasons, including the Bonus Features disc which was previously only available with the fourth issue of the Stargate; Atlantis fan club magazine.

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