The Winner Takes It All

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Young Adult  |  House: Booksie Classic
A teenager girl, Carman May, feels isolated in a world with little answers. But her story changes when she finds someone she can finally talk to. But is he who he says he is? Or does he have more in common with Carman than they both thought?

Submitted: April 12, 2016

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Submitted: April 12, 2016



I'm Carman May. And this is my story.

Life hurts, a lot. More than death. That's why I'd rather be dead, living with my mum in this new magical world where everyone is safe. I'm one in 7 billion people on this earth and it’s not like I'm going to leave a big hole in the core of the world just because I decided I would rather be non-existent. The worst thing is waking up in the morning happy then being reminded why you were sad in the first place. But the word 'happiness' would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. I've realised true pain is when you look into the eyes of someone you love and they look away. So I've learnt to stop expecting. I constantly feel trapped, with nobody to talk to and nobody to listen.  Invisible tears are the hardest to whip away.

My mother died when I was a baby. My dad looks after me, although now it’s the other way around. He can't get over mum’s death. Every day he consumes more alcohol than his body can cope with, hoping all the pain will go away. But drinking doesn't solve anything. Neither does crying or wishing upon a shooting star. I love him so much but he’s killing himself and its tearing me apart.

School is terrible. I've always been a victim of bullying ever since the news about my mum passing away and my father being an aclky was leaked. They think I'm like him, taking drugs to calm myself down. I'm not. Never use someone’s past against them. Instead, I pray every night to update mum on how my life is going, to tell her I'm looking after dad the way she would have wanted. It’s still hard to get over someone who gave you so much to remember. But she’ll never be a memory. Some people have to understand crying isn’t a sign of weakness, it’s a sign that you’ve been strong for too long. I could disappear and nobody would notice. I’m not exactly something to be dwelled on. That’s what they tell me, all the kids at school. I’m going by the law, majority rules.

My neighbours, Cheryl and Ryan are very good to us. They sometimes mow our lawn and clean our windows; simple stuff to keep our living conditions much nicer. They don't even ask for money, if only more people could be like them. True saints. They have a son, Lewis. We don't talk much. I've seen him looking at me, I smile back but he quickly changes the direction he's looking in. There something about him though that doesn’t quite add up. I can’t really put my finger on it specifically but his appearance is completely different. Not to mention, through the times we’ve spoken briefly I’ve noticed his accent is bizarrely scouse. His parents are Scottish. I know it’s none of my business but I can’t help thinking there is more to him than meets the eye.

I decided to turn my questions into answers. I approached him in his garden, he was sketching a picture of a young girl, around 5 or 6. I couldn’t take my eyes of it. It was the most beautiful piece of work I’d ever seen. We began chatting, small talk. It was slightly awkward. I could tell we both wanted one another’s company but making conversation was hard. I asked him who he was drawing, but he replied very carefully. He mentioned a name, Victoria. I got the impression he felt great discomfort talking about her so I kept my questions to myself and asked him something completely different, along the lines of schooling and exams. We must have been talking for at least a half hour before Cheryl called him in for dinner.

I headed up to my bedroom, walking past dad who was lying lethargically by the TV, gulping down another bottle of bear. I shut myself in my room. I like my own company sometimes; I can talk to mum without people thinking I’m crazy. I told her all about Lewis, the way he made me smile for the first time in weeks. It’s great getting things off my mind, she stores it for me. Although you can’t see her, she’ll always be right beside me.




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