Questioning my Faith

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Religion and Spirituality  |  House: Booksie Classic
I was starting to question my faith in god and wrote out what I was thinking and feeling.

Submitted: December 24, 2011

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Submitted: December 24, 2011




I want to believe in a greater power than me
but I just don't know where to start and I just don’t see
how I can have faith when we’re so far apart.

There is no proof of what's said to be his truth,
for all I know it could be a spoof.

The only reason I want to believe
is because I’d rather be safe than sorry.  
It doesn't seem like a good reason though,
but there's there's no other reason that I know.

I haven’t submitted my life to God, but I’d like to turn my life around.
I haven't found my faith yet but I do like the sound
of having something in my life to help me get up when I get down.

But it all seems like a mystery to me,
I don't know what to believe.
So ambiguous and unclear, but I do feel the fear
of being all alone when my end is here.

I've knocked on his door but I don't think he heard. Maybe I'm too full of sin to be let in,
or maybe I just didn't listen.  

Maybe I need to go to church more and learn his word,
live what's taught
and put him first, not just an afterthought.

But I don’t understand,
where was Gods hand
when I needed him the most.  
I only see one set of footprints in the sand
and they fit my feet.
I did it alone I was in the drivers seat.
I used to pray at night for the pain to go away,
but it only got worse the following day.

It's hard to believe God cares about little ol me.
As bad as my life seemed
to me it’s nothing compared to all the murder, corruption, death and poverty.
He's got so much more to worry about,
trying to fix a world with a morality drought.

I wonder where God is in countries that don't believe.
Does he not exist, or does it make him weep,
seeing land where so many hearts bleed.

There's so many Gods to choose from,
how do I know which is the right one?
What if I grew up Muslim and was taught from early on,
that wearing a bomb
and killing innocent people was right not wrong.
Would I be sent to Hell for eternity,
if I were made to believe I was doing it to help my country?
But would it be fair to let me in Heaven,
even though my hearts pure, but I acted out such a horrible sin?

What if my parents were atheists,
and I was taught religiously that God did not exist?

How about if I was a paranoid delusional schizophrenic unmedicated,
but the only way I was safe is if I was heavily sedated?
And I committee an act of violence so heinous, you'd think the devil and I were related?
Would God forgive even though here I would be hated?

What about the dinosaurs?
What happened to them, did they not conform?
Why didn't he mention them in Genesis?  
They did exist
before man,
where was that in his masterplan?

The world wasn’t created without some assistance.
but how did God come into existence?

What if religion just had money in interest?
After all it is a trillion dollar business.
Selling something that’s impossible proving,
so no matter what there is no loosing.

Than there's some stories in the Bile that are hard to believe.
Like we all come from the incestuoual descendants of Adam and Eve.
Wouldn't that lead to genetic deformity?

Then the world was corrupted by a talking snake.
It convinced Eve who convinced Adam to partake,
in eating the forbidden fruit lead them to forsake Gods word.
the rules of the man who created them and the earth.
God explains this as the reason men have to work,
and women have to endure the agony of birth.
They should have just ate rattlesnake steak.
Talk about paying for someone elses mistake.

Than there’s a tale
of a man being swallowed by a whale.
But it’s a good thing he prays
because he lives inside it for 3 days.
Before he was vomited onto the shore,
I bet he swore
to never eat seafood anymore.

Jesus spit into dirt to make mud that made a blind man see.
Turned water into wine, and than there was that talking donkey.
He helped a paralyzed man walk,
calmed a stormy sea,
He even made a mute man speak.
He fed a crowed of 5,000 with 2 fish and 5 loaves of bread.
He healed a man who was on his deathbed,
and rose He himself from the dead.
He rose a man who died, and had been dead for 4 days
God sure does work in mysterious ways.

We know things now that we didn’t know than.
If the bible were written today it would probably make a lot more sense.
It probably wouldn’t say things that defy science.

The Bible does explain though why we speak different languages.
We tried to build a tower in Babylon
tall enough to get to heaven.
But that’s not the way God wanted us to get in,
so he made us speak differently to create confusion.
But wouldn’t the atmosphere and lack of oxygen take care of that?
It’s hard to believe that that’s really a fact.
Either Heaven was real close to earth, or God had to relocate.
Maybe that’s why He has a gate.

There’s a lot things God allowed than that we would be punished for by society today.
Like selling your daughter to other men as a sex slave.1
The bible says if you’re caught raping a woman you’ll be forced to marry her, and pay the father a small fee.2
What kind of marriage would that be?
It sounds more like a punishement to the woman to me.

If I went on a fortune teller killing spree today I’d go to prison for sure.
But back in the day that job was not so secure.
That would be an act that God would forgive.
In fact theyre murders were encouraged,
they were not permitted to live.3

Today capitol punishment is reserved for the most evil and wicked crime.
Morality must have changed over time.
We say were a Christian nation, but if our laws were based on religion, we’d all be screwed.
Because if Gods laws were enforced, reasons for the death penalty would include:
Cursing at or hitting your mom or dad. I wonder if this includes my step-dad.4
Not being a virgin on your wedding night. Something about that just doesn’t seem right.5
Committing adultery with another mans wife. It's bad but is it really worth loosing your life?6
Homosexuality was something you wouldn’t want to admit. It was punishable by death, nowonder people hid in the closet.7
We wouldn’t have freedom of speech. Blasphemy of the Lord would mean death by the sword.8
Not seeking God would result in death too, whether man, woman, young or old. That’s not free will, that’s being controlled9
If your the daughter of a priest and your promiscuous, you better hope it’s with a boy that you can trust, who doesn’t throw you under the bus, because being burned to death is the consequence for that offence. 10
That’s just to name a few, but if none of that includes you,
working on Sunday is punishable by death too.11

Thank God that God is not our president,
and that all of our laws are not heaven sent.
We only choose to enforce the ones that seem desent.

It doesn’t make sense that we swear to tell the truth on the Bible in court,
when there’s so many things in it that we don’t support.
But it is a good thing we can’t use it to our defence to justify our offence.
In court we turn away from the Bible and use commonsense.

That's just some of the doubts and questions that I have.
It doesn't mean you don’t believe if you ask ask.
Maybe there’s logic and reason that I dont understand.

It is hard to believe though we were created by chance.
That something so advanced has risen
from a microorganism.

There's no denying Jesus was the most influential person ever.
How could a mortal be so clever?
His words so powerful they’ll last forever.

I look up and see the beauty of the stars at night, and the clouds in the sky,
And I think how everything had to perfectly align
for there to be able to be life on earth.
It seems more than chance is worth.

Maybe some day I'll get a grip, and we'll develop a relationship.
But for now I'll just say hi and pass on by.

New American Standard Bible1)Exodus 21:7-112)Deuteronomy 22:28-29  3)Leviticus 20:27 4)Leviticus 20:9 5)Deuteronomy 22:20-21 6)Leviticus 20:10 7)Leviticus 20:13  8)Leviticus 24:10-16 9)2Chronicles 15:12-13 10)Exodus 31:12-15

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