Alone and Lonely

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
The worst week of my life it seems

Submitted: August 18, 2011

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Submitted: August 18, 2011

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So I am allowed a good cry now and then right? I don’t have to be strong all the time do I? It is just so hard to put on the good face, when inside I am lost. Just lost. Love lost. Confidence lost. Trust lost. I don’t know how to begin again. I don’t even know what I want anymore. I don’t want numbness, or memories lost. Or do I? I just thought that he might have been the one. And I can see that that is not to be. He is not who he pretended to be. I miss knowing where I stand, knowing that it was next to someone. I miss having someone that I loved, love me back. Oh man, that really is the sweetest thing. You can take on the world when you have that little piece in place. Nothing can stop you, when you know that you are loved, by someone you love back. You can head into the future, not afraid of the unknown.
I guess I am meant to run this race alone. I guess I am meant to be alone. I know that I am not alone. I have fantastic friends from years past, and new ones that are just incredible, and came in when I needed them most. But still, ever alone. At the end of the night, I lay my head down alone. When I wake up, it is to emptiness. Sometimes it is good. No one to be in my way, slowing me down. On the flip-side, there is no one there to speed me up, either. No one to hold my hand, support me through life’s trials.Through deaths, moves, job changes, family fights, and work anxiety, always I stand alone. Do I stand strong enough without the support of someone? I guess if I have been doing it this long, and I am still standing, I don’t need the support, I am strong enough. But there are days, weeks, months, that I get tired of standing so tall, I just want to lean, just a little. Oops, no one there to catch me. So I stand tall. Ever tall. Ever alone. Like that damn Tower of Pisa. I’m so tired. So alone. So ready for something different. So ready for someone different, someone who holds me up when I need it. Someone who is real, honest, and loves me as I am. Mission: Impossible eh? Someone I can respect, someone I want to hold up as much as be held. Whatever. Not yet. Not done standing tall and strong. Sometimes, I see myself as a statue of rock, immovable, no feelings. But a single tear slides down my granite cheeks. Am I really real?

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