He checked his phone. No missed calls, no unread messages. The quiet, as it seemed was the detour back to a path he had hoped to stay clear of. This childish game of silence would prove his weakness. Would invoke disappointment, which in return would spark his inward aimed anger. His self administered punishment would be in the form of a red plastic cup.
His only two attempts of communication, was unreciprocated, and met with no response. This left too many unanswered questions. Too many roaming thoughts that would break him. Every sip would stir another question. Was she weak for not facing him, or was he just weak, and unable to look and walk away, the way she had proved to be more capable of? It was killing him to know where the answer to it all lied. Where the fault was, and simply the reason for what he felt to be an undeserved and provoked act.
He couldn’t tell which he feared more. Loosing her, or returning back to an empty life. If at the end of the day, would it be the realization of there being nothing more to look forward to than a bottle of poison, that could very well be all that his life story had to tell, or was she more. Was it that there was the possibility of love lost, or was this actually love lost? So much time spent together, laughs shared, experiences experienced together, so many intimate details of one another shared between the two. How could it be so easy to walk away from? Doubtful that easy was the sentiment she carried, he looked at his phone, but even in his drunken state, showed restraint. He fought to be more proud than his past had proven him to know of himself.
He saved the task of deleting messages, and boxing memories for another day. Held on to the hope that maybe one day his questions would be answered. Hope, he knew to be his greatest motivator, and also a key root to many of his disappointments. With no one to confide in, closure was needed. With no one to confide in, he took another sip form that red plastic cup, sat in silence, with hope that his red plastic cup would change the direction of his thoughts.
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