The Smallest Percent

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Science Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic

The Smallest Percent.



I wake up, I feel cold. Where the hell am I? No! really? I have no recollection of what this place is. Where are my clothes? Why am I naked? Wait, I can’t be dead? Or am I? I run, fast, it’s not easy running naked in the forest. What if some tiger is out there waiting to prey on me? Fuck it, I got no time for this. It’s almost night I’ll need to find a shed.

Ah, there it is. Wait is that a barn? A barn in the middle of the forest that’s interesting. Looks old though, ah fuck, it doesn’t matter I just need a shed. Wonder if someone will be there? A warm meal perhaps, cozy clothes too. No, wait stop you are too demanding, this is why she left you, you stupid fuck! It’s a place you can sleep at night, you don’t need anything else.

Now I am walking inside. Eww bugs, ugh they are so creepy. The door looks broken, someone should fix it. Huh, guess nobody lives here. Wait, who is that. Oh, shit that’s someone I see inside YES! I step in through the broken door.

There is different aura about him altogether. Look how he is just sitting there in his chair cleaning blood of that giant hammer. Oh wait, he is looking at me…

“Hello, I’ve been expecting you”
Wait does he know me? What do I say? Help me.
“Don’t worry I don’t think you’d know me!”
Ah, good I was worried I wouldn’t recognize someone. That’d be embarrassing; nobody likes to get embarrassed now do they? But, wait he has already spoken two lines I haven’t spoken anything. I need to break the ice. Ha, wait that’s a dead deer on the table, yes that’d be a nice ice breaker.

“So did you kill that deer?”… Ah, fuck what was that? I am so stupid, who asks that?
“No, I didn’t kill him, well maybe technically I did. But my intention was pure, the poor soul was suffering. He was shot by some savage in the woods. I couldn’t stand its pain so I ended its misery”
Oh wow, He sounds like a nice guy. There are after all two kinds of pain and being miserable for the rest of your life is not something you’d want now would you?
“Good”. Wait did I just say good? “He must think I am stupid. “ Oh snap I just said that out loud didn’t I?
“No, I don’t think you’re stupid, crazy maybe but not stupid”
That’s assuring. Ha, I should ask him ”What is this place?”
“Does it matter?”
Huh, interesting. Does anything actually? Eventually everything ends doesn’t it? Why doesn’t my misery?
“Could I get some clothes?” I don’t want to be this cold anymore.”
“Yes of course.”
Oh so just like that he pulled a box from under the table and tosses me a sweatshirt and pants. Why didn’t he immediately do it, seeing that I was naked! Never mind these feel fairly comfortable.
“It doesn’t matter but you still gotta give me something, anything what is this place?”
“I wish you could remember”
Wait did we already have conversation before? Oh god I hope I am not suffering from dementia. But, wait if it was dementia then I wouldn’t know it was dementia, huh I guess we can rule that out. Oh, Fuck it was the bullet then wasn’t it?
“You’d think you would remember it if it happened a billionth time”
A billionth time, what the hell is he talking about?
“I am sorry I don’t think I quite grasp what is that you are talking about”
“You pulling the trigger”
Wait, so he knows. But how would he know about that. Unless, he opened the box.
“Did you open the box?”
“You are making the same mistake once again. When you did it the first time it was understandable. But now it just feels meaningless”
“Well, help it be meaningful” I am so confused right now.
“You are a weak pathetic loser”
Hey we all are in some degree or the other.
“You did what you shouldn’t have. NO! You are not dead, you are alive. You had 1 to 10 trillion chance of coming out alive and you son of a bitch did it”
“But I wanted to die”
“Well we all will eventually. What is the rush?”
“What is there to live for without love”
“Love is just some biochemical reaction in your brain. It’s nothing but just chemistry”
“You can’t just describe love with scientific bullshit. It is beyond that.”

Wait hold on, He said a billionth time. What the hell was that?

“Wait, you said a billionth time. What did you mean by that”
“THIS. US. Having this same conversation again and again over and over.”
“I don’t remember any of it?”
“Because you are not supposed to… Because for the most part it didn’t happen.”
“When you picked up that gun and went inside that box, everything changed. You wanted to die but you only had a 50-50 percent of that happening. The machine was rigged already with quantum particle. The moment you pulled the trigger you split the universe in two, one in which bullet did come out and you died and in other in which it didn’t and you ended here. And we had the same conversation. You wanted to pull the trigger again this time you only had 25 percent of staying alive, but you lived. You did it again, you had 12.5 percent of survival and you survived, you did it again with 6.75 percent, 3.375 percent, 1.6875 percent and you kept going till here we stand at 1 to 10 trillion chance. For the billionth time.”

“If the world split in two, I died in the other version of the universe?”
“That is correct”
“So a billion versions of me have died”
It’s hard to speak when you start to cry. Just choking really, really bad. Why did the other billion versions have it so easy, why couldn’t it just have been me?

“Why couldn’t it be me? Why couldn’t one of those billion dead version be me”
“I don’t have answer for that, but the only thing I’d like to say now is enough. I feel it’s time for you to stop. You did a billion times it didn’t work. It’s never going to work.”
“The odds are in my favor. I have 100 Trillion to One shot of not dying”
“But you don’t have to do this”
“No, But I must. This pain, I don’t want this anymore”
“Well I am not allowed to physically stop you so all I’ll  say is I guess I will see you again shortly”
“I hope you don’t. But wait if I die will you see a different version of me?”
“No, if you die its over for me too. I will be rendered useless”
“Guess that’s too bad”
“The box is to your left over there”

And I walk with a smile on my face. This time it just had to be. I go in the box. C’mon now, I have the highest percent chance of winning. I close the box. The machine starts whirling. I relax. I take a deep breath and I pull the trigger….


Submitted: October 16, 2017

© Copyright 2023 A C. All rights reserved.

Add Your Comments:



You might want to separate your thoughts and actions more instead of blending them like that. You are also struggling to show emotion this way leaving the reader to place whatever they like on it. Are they sad, scared, frustrated, etc? But regardless of that it feels like a long run-on and there are some missing commas so there might actually be some run-ons I'm missing. Also whats with the center writing Why isn't everything sitting on the left of the screen. You have a lot of standing doing nothing as well. (Talking counts as nothing." Have people walk around or do something in the background if you can. It makes it more interesting. It doesn't help that so much of it is world-building considering it's a short story and not a chapter. It really makes it like nothing happened at all in the story outside the beginning and end. World building always boring but needed in a story but when it's the whole story it becomes a huge red flag. You can't pick it out as being bad because It's world building so you to criticize how it's done and like I implied before your mostly just stating what's important with nothing outside it.

Tue, October 17th, 2017 1:02pm


This is an awful depressing story but I like it because it's different. I pointed out some mistakes you made in I-comments. It's just simple things like missing a word like in third sentence of the first paragraph, misspelling a word like quite and grasp (you said quiet and gasp),missing a few comma, and Night is capitalized when it should be lower-cased. I don't really like the way it's all in the center. I would suggest to have the non-speaking parts not centered. Overall, I really like your short story. I feel sorry for the main character who wants to die because he is heartbroken but keeps living. He hoping to die this time. The ending makes you wonder: will he die this time or will he actually live once more?

Thu, October 19th, 2017 3:49am


Thank you so much for taking the time to read my story and giving this great feedback. Also, thank you a lot for pointing out the mistakes I have fixed them.

My purpose was to create a sad story and by your comment I feel I have been successful.

Thu, October 19th, 2017 12:56pm


Honestly, I'm rather confused by what I just read. Why was the MC naked in the woods and who was that guy he saw in the cabin with the box with a gun? And did the world split into different dimensions each time the MC tried to kill himself? I think this could be a fascinating story as time travel and different dimensions is so bizarre to me. However, I don't feel like I got a sense of the MC's character. Also, dialogue tags are a good thing, not to be avoided like the plague. They can help add detail and make a story less confusing I highly suggest adding some. Interesting concept overall, but I think it could be better.

Fri, November 3rd, 2017 9:40pm


To answer some of your question. Him waking up naked is like him getting a rebirth, we take birth naked ergo so was he.
He tried to kill himself in the forest during his first try thus the setting.
To answer your final question, Yes, The world split in two different dimension every time, infact it was 2X from there on after i.e 4 times the second, 8 times the third and so on.

I understand the confusion and I am working on a second and better draft of the story.

Sat, November 4th, 2017 9:43am

Harris Proctor

A C-

Interesting concept. I like the idea of a character with an immortal death-wish. The man with the hammer is an intriguing character too. The story takes place at an intriguing crossroads of spirituality and theoretical physics. And your character is driven to this intersection by simple heartache- something much more understandable to a lug like myself.

I think your character's inner monologue is a bit haphazard. The questions come off like fireworks at the start. I think rather than feeling invited to share in his disorientation, I just felt kinda lost. I think if you stretch out the physical trek through the forest to the barn, tighten the dialogue and trim the inner thoughts, then readers like myself would engage more easily.

Just some thoughts. I really like your story!



Mon, November 6th, 2017 9:14pm


Thank you so much for taking the time and reading my story. I really liked your advice and I am working on the second draft of the story.

Tue, November 7th, 2017 10:51am


This is a very intriguing concept. The idea of continuously having to continuously doing this with the chance getting smaller and smaller is really interesting. I liked the first person point of view, I think it helped get their emotions across more and really showed some insight into what they were thinking which was really nice to see. The dialogue though I think could've been broken up a bit. I think regardless of what it is, when there's anything with that much dialogue and nothing to break it up, it's a bti tedious to read and it can be easy to lose the emotion behind them which you did really well at the beginning. Also I think for the short size of this, it was quite complicated and there was too much information that needed to be understood which took up the room for the action in the story. It's definitely a really intriguing concept, and if you ever wanted to make it long it could be really good. The ending was really good, it leaves it with that little sense of curiosity and intrigue about whether this time they get to die, or just continue on. You've definitely got a great idea here.

Sun, November 12th, 2017 11:22am


Thank you so much for taking the time and reading it. I am really glad to hear you liked it. Yes, I am now trying to expand this story.

Sun, November 12th, 2017 10:51am

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