Tips for Your Life

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic

Your a dickhead and there is no denying it. Live, sleep and breath by our life tips because we're friggin legends.

Tips for Life

Written by A.J.Mortimer, The Rain of Thunder & The Exercise Counsellor


Introduction:

Your a dickhead and there is no denying it. Live, sleep and breath by our life tips because we're friggin legends.

 

TIps and the Rationale 

 

Tip 1: Go to the gym
Why? - Because you friggin you need to

 

Tip 2: Get eyebrows
Why? - Because mine are better than yours

 

Tips 3: Get a personality
Why? - Because your current one sucks

 

TIp 4: Don't speak English
Why? - Because no one cares what you say

 

TIp 5: Jim goes to the gym
Why? - Because he's a man

 

Tip 6: Change your name to Jim or Gym
Why? - Because Jim/Gym is a better name than the one your mother gave you

 

Tip 7: If someone asks, "Why are you so ugly?", respond with, "Ask my parents".
Why? - Because we said so

 

Tip 8: When someone tells you, "You're fat", you better believe it
Why? - Because its probaly true

 

Tip 9: To make yourself feel better tease your fat brother even though you're fat too
Why? - Because you need inspiration

 

Tip 10: I know a lot about trains, they go choo choo
Why? - Because what other noise are they meant to make

 

Tip 12: When someone offers you drugs respond with, "Go fuck yourself"
Why? - Because they have nothing else better to do

 

Tip 13: The number 11 isn't real
Why? - Because no number is inbetween 10 or 12

 

Tip 14: Listen to sounds rather than music
Why? - Because sounds are better than music

 

Tip 15: When you need to go to sleep, don't
Why? - Because your body needs more energy

 

Tip 16: We're done for the night, no more tips
Why? - We can't think of a reason why

 

Tip 17: Take her back to her home town
Why? - Who cares

 

Tip 18: You probally have glitter on your face
Why? - Because I leave sparkles where ever I go

 

Tip 19: Your face looks like a bum
Why? - No reason why

 

Tip 20: If a deaf person doesn't know what to do, just tell them
Why? - Because they need to hear it from somebody

 

Tip 21: If you don't want to know the answer, don't ask the question Why? -  Because you don't want to waste our fucking time

 

Tip 22: If your mum tells you, "You're great grandfather built the Titantic", respond with, "Well he didn't do a good job, did he?"
Why? - Because the boat fucking sank

 

 Tip 24: This is the last tip, make it whatever you want
Why? - There is no reason why

 

Tip 25: If these tips don't work for you, we're soz but not soz
Why? - Blah, blah, blah

 


Submitted: March 30, 2019

© Copyright 2021 A.J.Mortimer. All rights reserved.

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